New here and totally overwhelmed

I’m 14 weeks pregnant and just found out this will be boy #2. I’m not taking it well. I am also (apparently, since this is round 2) prone to prenatal depression, though not postpartum at least with #1. I don’t even know why we found out, because I think we both knew it would break me. My husband desperately wants a girl too. He has one brother and they aren’t close. I only have sisters, my mom has 4 sisters, I’m closer with my girl cousins. We don’t have any great brother role models in either of our families. We always said we wanted 4 or maybe 5 kids but I was so worked up last night over all of this. Then I feel terrible for even having these thoughts because I have friends who struggle to even have one baby. I told my husband we should do IVF next time and he agreed, which is ridiculous for so many reasons. We don’t have money for it, and it seems like a waste of resources considering we don’t have a problem getting pregnant in the first place. I just want to find some way to enjoy this baby without obsessing over “this time next year we can try for our girl.”

Well, I hope you take comfort in the fact that many of us found ourselves here for the very same reason. I think brothers would be awesome. Having a built-in play mate is an amazing gift. Knowing that you can do IVF in the future is one way to take the edge off the depressive state. I understand what you mean by it not being a rational side but I actually disagree because knowing that it is available and if the alternative is no more children, it gives you what you want and brings another child into your life. It's actually a very adult decision to make and the science exists.

Brothers are sooo fun! I honestly think little boys should come in pairs like shoes! It is hard to see when your little ones are very small but soon you'll grow out of the hardest part and your kids will get a lot easier and more enjoyable.

Just because your husband isn't close with his brother doesn't say anything about what will happen in your own family! You have two chances to make a happy family, one is the family you grow up in, but the other is the family that you create. Your family will be totally different than anyone else's! You are going to have a wonderful time raising these two little men. If you keep your heart open, the world is always full of amazing surprises that are hard to imagine when you're looking at a little blob on an ultrasound photo. But your child will always be your child and they are going to bring you joy that you can't even fathom yet. Soon you won't be able to picture life any other way.

If you're planning to have 4-5 kids you have lots of chances left, don't despair, especially if IVF is a possibility!

Ok I’ve had a month to calm down so I’m back with a few questions. My husband and I have talked and talked and talked and he isn’t QUITE ready to think about the IVF route for #3. We always wanted to have 4 or 5 children, close in age (our first two will be about 20 months apart). If we try all of the other methods to sway, how long should we realistically wait to try? Will sooner vs later affect the results? And if we DO go the IVF route eventually, is there a waiting period from last baby?

FWIW, we are slowly getting excited for THIS baby. I realize it sounds so...well, I don’t know. I feel awful for thinking about #3 before #2 is out, but I guess that’s why this website exists in the first place.

My standard warning with IVF is, your odds of success don't improve with age, so if it's ever an option, it's always best to go sooner rather than later. A lot of people think "well, I'll just sway" and then end up doing IVF 2-3 years later than they would have and their odds of success are just going to be lower since that's the way it works. I will of course help you sway no matter what, I just like to be sure you guys are fully informed that the number one predictor of IVF success is age!

For a pink sway, closer child spacing may help sway pink. It's no guarantee of course (and it's actually hard for some of us to get pregnant that soon) but sooner than 12/18 months may help sway pink a little.

In order to sway, most people would want to be on diet for 3 months and then we have average 3 months' time to conception (so expect about 6 months, but remember you may take longer, the 3 months is just an average). To bring this back to IVF vs. swaying, then let's say it's an opposite - you'd have to go through an entire pregnancy and wait 6 more months just to do your pretesting (you have to wait a minimum of 6 months postpartum for IVF pretesting) and this is why I say IVF first, sway later if that is a possibility.

No matter what, I'm here to help, whether you end up swaying or going HT so please don't hesitate to hit me up with any q's you have!