psychiatrist

I do not know if this is any help at all, but I went to see the psychiatrist today because I have a therapist that I speak to biweekly on the phone and it is required that every 3 months I have a fast visit with the psychiatrist. This is a new one. The old one let me go months and sometimes more than a year without a visit.

So anyway she said to me "so how are you doing". And I said well things are the same. I still go to the school and see parents with 2 boys and a girl or 2 girls and a boy etc. etc. Then she just has a way of looking at me I noticed. She looks at me from my face all the way down to may legs and my hands. And it is not like I am moving or making nervous movements.

She then asked me if it is my husband that wants the boy? And I said no not at all. He does not care.

So she said "I just do not understand this" "it is so nice to have 3 girls" "They grow up together etc. et." She said do you want a boy because everyone else has one.

Then I said to her well it is like a mother having all boys and having the same desire for a girl.

Then she actually asked me if I will try again. I said to her "No". If I try again, there is a chance that I can then have 4 girls. Then she said "well yes a chance". I mean like "DUH".

Then I explained to her that I wanted to do PGD but I said it takes a few times and at my age chances are low and I do not want to use everything we save/saved. Then she just knodded. I do not even thinks she knows what pgd is. I did not want to go into it and say it is 15K a shot because going to this clinic run by the city I do not like to talk about so much money.

But out of all that I do not know how she can think I would every try again naturally and take that chance.

Even the old psychiatrist was against it when I mentioned trying but that was when I thought I would do pgd.

I wonder why so many I know have a 2nd boy, a 2nd boy or a 3rd of the same and they move on. Then some of us will carry it forever.

Also the jealousy some do not even care if others have mixed gender then some will carry it forever.

Even at the PTA meeting the one that is the Executive said I am a mother to a 3rd grade boy and twin girls in 1st grade. I guess it is just more common to have mixed gender.

Big huge hugs xxx
I do not know anyone irl with all girls either (or all boys for that matter) and it can be very hard indeed to see everyone have what you really want.

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Originally Posted by TTC5

Big huge hugs xxx
I do not know anyone irl with all girls either (or all boys for that matter) and it can be very hard indeed to see everyone have what you really want.

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Do you have 4 girls and pregnant with #5? Was trying to figure out from your screen name and ticker.

It is very hard.

I guess it can be kind of unique but it feel like it is out of the norm.

I don't even know where to start with this. I think I'm most dissappointed with the mental health professionals not understanding how your feeling, or at least thats what I took away from reading your post. To say that "its nice to have 3 girls" really doesn't validate what you are feeling, and in fact undermines it completely. I do not like criticising another professional, but this is just not sitting well with me. I don't think its helpful either for a psychiatrist to be "for" or "against" anything you may be choosing. It is often more effective to help you figure out what is comfortable for you, and help guide you towards the decision that works for you and your family. There is no "right" and "wrong" here.

You question how some may be able to move on from having all the same gendered children. There are people that never cared what gender their children were, for their own reasons. I think in order to be able to move on from GD we need to identify what it is that makes us yearn for a specific gender. It could be as simple as just always expecting that we would have a child of that gender, or that we would like to, for instance, have a relationship with our child like we had with our own parent. Therapy, it can be helpful to figure out what need and want fulfilled by the desired gender. If you can identify that, perhaps you can get those needs met in another way if you don't end up with your desired gender. Hope you do!

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Originally Posted by HopeandDreamG

I don't even know where to start with this. I think I'm most dissappointed with the mental health professionals not understanding how your feeling, or at least thats what I took away from reading your post. To say that "its nice to have 3 girls" really doesn't validate what you are feeling, and in fact undermines it completely. I do not like criticising another professional, but this is just not sitting well with me. I don't think its helpful either for a psychiatrist to be "for" or "against" anything you may be choosing. It is often more effective to help you figure out what is comfortable for you, and help guide you towards the decision that works for you and your family. There is no "right" and "wrong" here.

You question how some may be able to move on from having all the same gendered children. There are people that never cared what gender their children were, for their own reasons. I think in order to be able to move on from GD we need to identify what it is that makes us yearn for a specific gender. It could be as simple as just always expecting that we would have a child of that gender, or that we would like to, for instance, have a relationship with our child like we had with our own parent. Therapy, it can be helpful to figure out what need and want fulfilled by the desired gender. If you can identify that, perhaps you can get those needs met in another way if you don't end up with your desired gender. Hope you do!

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I do not think I will end up with my DG because I will not try naturally and I just at this point do not think 1 cycle of pgd is worth it. I mean there is such thing as a OHW but you cannot count on it.

When I think of it also I mean my husband's job is not in danger or anything, but anything can happen and say he lost his job then we blow away everything saved for PGD that is just a crap shoot, then what?

I want to focus now on what I have and fix up the home some and finally have summer time better with at least the older one in something or even if the 2 older ones do a chosen amount of times in the gymnastics camp. Gee saving for pgd trying to at least we did not do anything feels like forever. That is what keeps me happy thinking about not having the burden to get all this money together and then to worry that it will not be enough.

I keep telling myself I will finally get to the point I was at when I was with only 2 daughters but not so obsessed with a boy and when people asked me when I would go for the boy, I would say "oh no, Oh no". Like knowing it would be another girl. But I was at a point where it did not take so much focus on life. I socialized more. I did playdates. I was not like this. I know I can get back there. Especially once I drop this last 10 annoying pounds.

Well thanks for listening. It feels good to just get it all out.

I think I will know that I really move on once I stop posting LOL. I got so attached to these boards from first obsessing when I had DD3 then thinking I am going to try HT and now hoping I am at my final point in coming to terms with these feelings and the big LETTING GO.

Like Atomic once said when you can finally let go, it feels good.

I tried to get on ingender but I just cannot get onto the forums.

I am so sorry this happened to you. I too see a therapist and I have been very lucky that she is very supportive of the PGD and even knows a lot about Ivf, she actually said in therapy terms 2 and 4 children is better than 3 ( just her saying that, not me).

You don't have to justify yourself to anyone, cause it is not that you don't love your girls, it is that you want the joy of a boy as well. I find I don't say a lot to people about it cause I get the whole, don't you realize how lucky you are speech.

In Australia, PGD is illegal (except for certain cases) but abortion up to 20ish weeks is legal, I don't understand this at all? surely us doing PGD should be seen as a good thing, when the option some people are taking termination.

I hope you can change your psychiatrist next time.

Most people who do not understand GD from my experience, usually get what they want right off the bat or never cared for having kids at all and still got handed a pidgeon pair. So they never experience this. I do not wish GD on anyone. This is by far one of the hardest things to "get over". To feel this incomplete til the day you die is something I don't wish upon anyone. It gets better on certain days where you just go on with your life, but the little daily triggers are what I find can set off a full scale woe is me day.