Another IUI - or move to IVF?

Hi everyone,

I posted this on a different sub forum and got no replies, so I'm hoping I'll get a response here.

Hey all,

My wife and I have been trying to start a family for over a year now, to no avail.

She's been seeing a reproductive endocrinologist who recommended IUI. We've done two rounds already, both of which have failed. In our conversation via Teledoc last week, he said we now have two options before us:

- Try IUI again, this time with even more hormones
- Go the IVF route

The issue with the latter is that, as you may know, IVF is ridiculously expensive.

The fertility clinic we go to sent us a rate sheet indicating that we'd have to pay around 24k, and that doesn't include meds. So we're looking at 30kish.

Unfortunately, my wife's insurance doesn't cover infertility, but mine does -- a lifetime maximum benefit of $20,000. That means that after $20,000, I'd have to come out of pocket for about 10k. Seems like a good deal considering most insurance companies don't pay for infertility.

Here's the thing: Since infertility isn't considered a "major life event" (like divorce or actually having the child), I wouldn't be able to add my wife to my plan until Open Enrollment, which doesn't take place until November.

That means we wouldn't be able to go in for the IVF until January 2021. Given that my wife turns 35 in August (I'm already 35), time is of the essence.

I actually have enough saved up to pay for this procedure, but it would slice my emergency savings in half. Given the economic uncertainty caused by COVID-19 and the fact my company has reduced my hours to 24 from 40 (with no word yet as to when that might change), I'd rather not spend so much in one shot. My wife is a teacher, and in the summer, she only gets a deferred check (spread out over the course of the school year so she can still get paid).

I was crestfallen today to discover that fertility clinics want payment for everything UPFRONT -- all 30k -- or, you have to get a loan. We'd rather not get into debt if we can avoid it.

My wife doesn't think waiting until January will adversely affect her eggs. And, for the rest of this year, we could use the extra time to work on losing weight and saving up money.

That 20k from the insurance would certainly come in handy. It's a shame I have to wait until January to take advantage of the benefit.

Do you think we'd be making the right decision by waiting until then? Should we try another IUI this year in the meantime?

Note: Another reason we want to go the IVF route is because I really, really want a girl. Considering my wife's age, we'll likely only have one crack at this, so we might as well do PGD (and check for abnormalities in the process).

Thanks in advance.

I think I did reply on the other forum - would you guys be willing to try naturally in the interim while possibly waiting for IVF??

I think by the time you guys do all the pretesting and stuff it will darn near BE January by that point. My gut is saying for you to make some steps towards IVF (doing pretesting, making appointments with different clinics or whatever) while continuing to try naturally. But that would mean if you got pregnant it would be without benefit of PGD for gender.