LolaInLove's Infertility Journey
So, I've been around this site since it started. Before then, I was on IG for a good year. All in all, I started ttc in August of 2010, and my arms are still empty. Almost everyone I know on both sites are pregnant or have babies now. But, I don't want to give up. I flip-flop on how I want to conquer this infertility war every day, and I thought it might be nice to have a thread where I can talk about my journey and what I'm contemplating, how I'm feeling. I wanted to have a thread versus a blog so you all can comment and help direct me anytime. I hope that my journey helps someone, somehow....aside from being cathartic for me.
My story: I have 2 daughters, ages 9 and 7, with my ex-husband. Let's call him SL (for Sith Lord). I got remarried a little over 2 years ago, to my amazing husband R. He has never been married and doesn't have any kids, so really, this mission is for both of us. I very much want R to experience the joy and amazement of ultrasounds, of picking names, of seeing my belly grow, of birth, of getting up in the middle of the night. All of it. He deserves it. After all, this man took me and my two tiny daughters under his wing as his own family and loves us to pieces. I could not ask for a better stepfather for my girls.....and they love him so deeply that it makes me cry sometimes. They call him Daddy-O.
R so needs to have his own child....whether it is his biologically or not, he is the type of guy who would be so thrilled, so touched by every little aspect and treat the whole journey as if it were this precious piece of time that he could have never imagined....and he would be the best father.
When we started TTC and swaying, too, he was such a champ and always on board to do whatever I asked of him. He never cared what gender child we had, but he humored me as I spent countless hours studying swaying, buying supplements and opks, and giving him a new list of foods and drinks and making him quit smoking and drinking soda. Did I mention the trough of supplements I had him take 3 times a day? He never thought swaying was stupid, and every time I'd announce "someone on my forum's sway worked!" he would smile and say that he hoped we were as lucky soon. So, we tried and tried and here we still sit, wondering why we were the unlucky ones, as it turns out.
If you are reading this long thread/blog- thank you for caring about me and wanting to hear my long-winded story. I hope through all of these posts that I help you figure out how to go about your own journey more clearly, and hopefully without any gender disappointment. Each child that we make is such a pure and beautiful blessing, and I would give anything in the world for one, just one more, either gender. I plan to babble a lot about what we've been through here so feel free to post your experiences, the story of your friend's SIL who beat the odds, a long tirade about why I should do this or not do that, whatever.
And lastly, before I end this initial post, I want to say THANK YOU to everyone here on this site who makes it run and run smoothly, and to everyone who spends time here each day making this a thriving village where we can all come and share our hopes, dreams, u/s pics, vents, and heartaches. This forum and you ladies who I have come to know in cyber-fashion have been such a solid place for me to be each and every day. I want to move past feeling sorry for myself and move into a place where I can take action and help make others laugh, if anything.
Hope has two beautiful daughters: their names are anger and courage. Anger that things are the way they are. Courage to make them the way they ought to be. ~St. Augustine