Parenting: Chinese Style.

Interesting article on strict Chinese parenting.


"Are strict Chinese mothers the best?

An extract in the Wall Street Journal lists the things Amy Chua's daughters Sophia and Louisa were not allowed to do, including attending a sleepover; having a play-date; being in a school play; watching TV or playing a computer game; choosing their own extracurricular activities; getting any grade less than an A; not being the number one student in every subject except gym and drama; playing any instrument except piano and violin; not playing the piano or violin. "

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-12249215

I think she is both right and wrong. Over praising has been shown to lower risk taking, but punishment removes any intrinsic desire to learn out of genuine interest and enjoyment. I do think she is right that things ARE more fun when you're good at them, and I agree- practice is something that is not always enjoyable, but necessary to gain a level of proficiency for something to be enjoyable. The question is- where does the motivation come from to push through unenjoyable practice? From within the child or from the parent? I think it has to be a little of both. But some of the things I have heard excerpted form this book sound abusive.

I really found this interesting too.

My parents were SUPER pushy and critical and it didn't work out well for me. But they didn't offer any support like the Chinese moms as described by the author. They just got mad when I couldn't do everything perfectly, they didn't help me learn how or teach me. Plus it wasn't just academics, it was everything. So I wonder if it's much more complex than just the "critical" factor, it's like critical + unmeetable expectations + lack of support = bad outcome.

I could never parent that way....but I don't see anything wrong with it either. Some mothers are made to be super strict like that. I'm strict but not that strict. I would feel sorry for the kids if they couldn't participate in fun activities with their friends. I think being strict will have it's rewards when they are working as brain surgeons and making a boatload of money. There is a lot to be said for not struggling financially but money isn't everything, either. I look at my 8 year old and the child LOVES things. Seriously...the boy will NEED to make a lot of dough in his career. We tell him he better study really hard so he can go to a good college and make a lot of money one day. I don't jump on him if he brings home a bad grade, though. I don't think making a child feel bad about it is the right thing to do. I do PRAISE the crap out of him and buy him something special when he brings good grades home. He really does well in school so I think just praising is good enough. I don't need to be strict about bad grades since he feels bad enough about it anyway.

I hate sleepovers and agree with that part and agree with "Managing status rivalries, negotiating group dynamics, understanding social norms, navigating the distinction between self and group - these and other social tests impose cognitive demands that blow away any intense tutoring session or a class at Yale."

It's called coping skills.