I have lost my baby...

For those who have not followed my posts, I was pregnant with my boy number 2, who was an IG opposite, since I had swayed girl.
Until today I considered myself the unhappiest person in the world because I wasn't having the girl I had planned, and today that I learnt that at 21 weeks our baby has passed away, I know what it really means to be unhappy: unhappy is losing a healthy and beautiful baby that was growing in our belly independently of his gender.
On the way back home, I crossed a couple of mums with girls and I never thought I'd see the day when girls lost all their appeal to me. Bye bye Hello Kittys, bye bye Barbies... I feel so silly to have thought I would prefer a girl instead of my boy.
Right now, I don't care for girls at all. I'd give anything to have my baby boy back and would not change him for the thousand most beautiful girls in the world.
How can we lose a pregnancy at 21 weeks? The baby was so healthy, alive, moved a lot, the amnio came back super well... How can it be that a healthy baby boy all of a sudden passes away?
Please, girls, don't feel so devastated with your gender disappointment. Losing a healthy baby is far worse than his gender. I wonder if my gender disappointment could have had anything to do with his passing away. I feel so sad, so guilty, so devastated at the moment...

I'm so sorry. They can do testing so you can try to learn why he passed. Just devestating.

Carol, my heart is breaking for you right now. I'm so, so terribly sorry. NOTHING you were feeling emotionally caused this to happen.

I am so sorry, this is heartbreaking. I pray for you to stay strong and get through this terrible time.

Oh my god in so very sorry....my hart is breaking... I'm 14 weeks pregnant with our second son, we did PGD for a girl but put also boys back and only the boy did stick. I was sad in the beginning for not having a girl and a bit happy of being pregnant with a boy. You have extra opened my eyes and I realize that every baby is very special. Thank you for that! Loosing your baby has nothing to do GD. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs!

I'm so very sorry x

I am so sorry this has happened to you:( I can't imagine how horrible this is for you. You are right, the sex isn't important in the end just a selfish wish. A healthy baby should be all we ask for! I am so so sorry.

I am so, so sorry for your loss.

Carol, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Prayers for peace for you and your family. XX

im so sorry we lost our daughter at 22 weeks. i know the pain you are going through. we swayed for a boy time and time again and i was so sure this was my son. it was dd5 instead. i would give anything to have her back again but all the babies in the world can't replace her.

I'm so sorry Carol, words cannot express how horrible this must be for you. Please do not feel guilty, there is nothing you did to cause this. I hope you have some strong family support to lean on and take care of you. We will be here if you want to get your feelings out. Sending a prayer for you.

So sorry for your loss hun xxx

So sorry for your loss. You did not cause this, so please don't feel guilty about that. You loved your baby even if you felt disappointed that you did not get the girl you swayed for. Most of us have been there. But you're right, a healthy baby is so much more important than gender. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this! :(

Thank you all, girls, for your messages. Please, if anyone is in my situation, rise above your gender disappointment and just celebrate the life you're carrying. Don't let something awful like a loss take place before you learn to appreciate a baby is more than a gender.

So sorry for your loss hun thinking of you xx

I'm so sorry for your loss, you opened my eyes today! 💜

My thoughts are with you and your family x

My heart is breaking for you - I'm so sorry for your loss.

I can't even imagine what you are going through, but you have certainly put things into perspective, being in a similar situation to you with GD. Thank you for your openness. Thinking of you and your family xx

oh I am so sorry :(

Pink carol,

I am so deeply sorry to hear this. I cannot even imagine.....you did not cause this to happen. I hope you can get answers for why it happened if you so wish...and again, I cannot tell you how much I feel for you....*hugs*

I'm so sorry for your loss, how traumatic for you. Thank you for sharing your story as it certainly gives us all a dose of perspective. No matter what, know that you didn't do this to your baby by wishing to have a daughter someday. This isn't your fault, tragic things happen to good people through no fault of their own. I hope that you're getting all the love and support you need right now.

So sorry for your loss. Does indeed put things into perspective.

I am so sorry for your loss, please do not think this is your fault. I see women that treat thei bodies badly and still carry children, not sure if that will help but what I mean is you are not to blame, Heaven just gained a Angelxxxx

I am so so sorry for your loss.

I'm so deeply sorry for your loss xx

Im very sorry to hear this. Wishing you peace .

Sent from my GT-I9000 using Tapatalk

Hugs PC, There really are no words, just know others are thinking of you

This is heart breaking. There have been so many losses here lately. It's just not fair. I'm so very sorry. I hope you get the answers you seek.

I'm so very sorry to hear this news. Praying for you and your family.

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Thinking of you during this difficult time.

My heart hurts with you! I to lost a baby boy....you can read about that in my blog which is in my siggy below! I wanted a girl so badly and then we lost him all I wanted was my baby back! When I found out I was preg. again I did care what gender I had and I had a baby boy! I like you had no desire for girls anymore or at least not so much so I choose a one over the other! I am truly sorry to hear you have to hurt like you are....it never truly goes away but it does get better!:bighug:

I'm so sorry :hugs:

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Originally Posted by princesssarah34

My heart hurts with you! I to lost a baby boy....you can read about that in my blog which is in my siggy below! I wanted a girl so badly and then we lost him all I wanted was my baby back! When I found out I was preg. again I did care what gender I had and I had a baby boy! I like you had no desire for girls anymore or at least not so much so I choose a one over the other! I am truly sorry to hear you have to hurt like you are....it never truly goes away but it does get better!:bighug:

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Thank you, princesssarah! Only three weeks have gone by and I'm still coping with the loss as best I can. I told Atomic that I will sort of sway very lightly pink but without compromising my fertility. I also lost all interest in girls. I'd give all the girls I've dreamt of all my life just to be pregnant with my little boy again.
All I want is to be pregnant with a healthy child like my baby was, and I don't care anymore whether it's a boy or a girl.

I'm so sorry. This is so heart breaking. :(

Oh mama, I'm so so sorry for your loss! I know how it feels to loose a baby too :( My first pregnancy wasn't planned and at first I didn't want the baby at all. I had horrible thoughts... After a few days I got used to the idea and was secretly hoping for a girl. And she was a girl! But she was very ill and died during the pregnancy as well. I was absolutely devastated and blamed myself for not wanting this baby. But you see, we can't always control our thoughts and to think our thoughts are this powerful? You are not to blame! You were just very very unlucky.

I had two boys after I lost my little girl and even though I had a preference for a girl again, I was NEVER disappointed they were boys. I was thrilled to learn they were healthy. I am still hoping to get a girl one day. In the hopes to see a glimpse of her sister in her. To get a little bit of her back. We will never get our babies back, but know that your baby boy knows you love him and miss him. And he wouldn't want you to beat yourself up over this. Grieving over a child is hard enough already. Hold on to your loved ones and let them comfort you.

I am so sorry to hear this. There is absolutely no way your GD could have had anything to do with his passing away. Do not feel guilty. This is not your fault.

Emily x

Im so sorry to hear of your loss but nothing you were feeling is why this happened. Sending you great big cyber hugs. xxx

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Originally Posted by wishing4anXX

Oh mama, I'm so so sorry for your loss! I know how it feels to loose a baby too :( My first pregnancy wasn't planned and at first I didn't want the baby at all. I had horrible thoughts... After a few days I got used to the idea and was secretly hoping for a girl. And she was a girl! But she was very ill and died during the pregnancy as well. I was absolutely devastated and blamed myself for not wanting this baby. But you see, we can't always control our thoughts and to think our thoughts are this powerful? You are not to blame! You were just very very unlucky.

I had two boys after I lost my little girl and even though I had a preference for a girl again, I was NEVER disappointed they were boys. I was thrilled to learn they were healthy. I am still hoping to get a girl one day. In the hopes to see a glimpse of her sister in her. To get a little bit of her back. We will never get our babies back, but know that your baby boy knows you love him and miss him. And he wouldn't want you to beat yourself up over this. Grieving over a child is hard enough already. Hold on to your loved ones and let them comfort you.

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Your message is very moving, wishing4anXX! Thank you!

Thank you all, girls for your lovely messages!!

I'm so sorry x x x