She feels lshe feels like kicking out all the windows and setting fire to this life

And just like that another woman in my circle has their daughter, gets that perfect pigeon pair. Just like that another dream has come true. What do I do? I spend the day grasping onto sanity by a thread. I want to cry. I want to scream. I do both, a little, but it never really helps. By mid afternoon I have unfriended her on Facebook so I don't have to endure her happiness.
I am the ONLY one with only boys. Every other woman in my circle has either all girls or the perfect pigeon pair, which literally
f$%!*ing sickens me. I want to kick out all the windows and set fire to this life. 🔥😡😞

Big hugs xxx I'm sorry :( GD suxs doesn't it! I've had too many days like this to count. It's so unfair. There are heaps of us here with all boys. You are not alone.
Hopefully one day we will all finally get our DG but until then your little boys need you xxx

You are not alone. All of us here are looking for something.

The only thing I have to offer is the older your kids get, the easier it gets, I think. When they are little and you are in "baby world", it's just all you know. It's all you think about. As the kids get older and get their own lives, you have to find something for you that doesn't have anything to do with your kids when your happiness is concerned. Girl or boy, one day, they are gone from your nest and they have their own life. What then? You can have an awesome relationship with your sons just as easy as you can a daughter. My son and I are super close. I can't imagine him ever hot being close to me.

2 boys and one girl is THE dream for many people, I'm sure. What you have now, 2 boys, is someone else's dream I assure you. I am sorry you are sad but you are not alone.

Hi Hun, I absolutely understand how you are feeling as it is the same situation for me (only person I know with 2 boys)... All the 'perfect' pp everywhere just drive me crazy! I have no advice, just please know that you are not alone xx

Funny as much as I wanted a girl a pigeon pair is totally undesirable to me. Neither one of your children get that special brother/brother bond or sister/sister. I think 2 if a kind with 1 opposite or 2 & 2 is the perfect combo. My boys are 16 months apart. I would have loved to have a sib like that growing up-it's amazing for them!
A pigeon pair does not look perfect to me at all!

Thank for all your replies. I realize that I do have somebody else's dream (my friend has secondary infertility) but I selfishly want it all. I cannot help it. My mom always tries to reassure me that I am "lucky" to have two boys. I love my boys and like everybody else on this forum, i carry guilty around because I don't feel lucky. I feel cheated, grief stricken and isolated.
It is hard to accept the things we lose, dreams included. My baby is almost 10 months old and my GD had only gotten worse. I am desperate. I feel like my happiness and satisfaction with my life is lost in all of this somewhere.
Thanks again for listening.

Can you do IVF?

I want to do IVF. I have a lot of fears though. Like what if it doesn't work? And the expense.

I also worry about the length of time we would have to be at the clinic. We live in northern Canada and we would be travelling to Minnesota for treatment.

I know exactly where you're coming from. It really feels like they have suddenly received an all access pass to an exclusive club we can't get into just out of pure luck. They lose their title of "boy mom". I always hear women who have pigeon pairs describe themselves as "blessed" because they have the best of both worlds. More often than not they are "done" too. For me it's not so much that they have the perfect family. I don't think big brothers are often close to their little sisters (or vice versa). It's more that they never have to worry about never getting "their girl". Whereas we, all boy moms, will always have that fear at the back of our minds. They can fit in with both boy moms and girl moms. They have given their husband a son, and they have their daughter. They never hear the stupid comments.

However I have slowly come to the conclusion that an ideal family (for me) is actually boys followed by a little girl at the end. How cute is that combination? That way the boys always have each other but also grow up with a little girl in the house to nurture and protect. It's the worry, however, that I'll never get her in the 3-4 children I hope to have that makes it hard to relax.

Yes! I wish I could just relax and enjoy making my family. There is too much pressure involved when you are 2/3 boys in and there is no sure bet except IVF!

Well, it won't work for sure if you never try. There's risk with IVF and there is risk to trying naturally. There is only one way to get a guarantee.

Sorry you are feeling so bad right now, ive had many years of feeling the way you do now, even though my boys are my everything there was always the thought of a little girl to accompany them. I have put almost everything on the line to finally be pregnant with mine now, the money was a huge issue and at the time I was obsessed, I just put more and more on credit cards and caused many arguments with my dh for taking away what we could be spending on our boys. Now we are finally out the other end and are paying off the debt and hoping to safely meet or daughter next jan!!
Anything is possible, I promise!!! I was 100% the person that could have bet my life id never get a girl and look at me now!!! it can happen for you too!!
Most of my friends with all boys who didn't even sway are slowly but surely getting their girls too, you just never know!!
Good luck and don't give up!! x x

What bugs me most about pigeon pair moms is that they get the best of both worlds. Regardless of gender, all loving mothers sacrifice almost everything for their kids. PP moms get such a special return for those sacrifices. And they know it! They seem to act superior to me and have often made my role and my boys feel so unimportant.
Feminism has really added to this. In my family I have a sister and a brother and my sister has two girls and a boy. My mom and my sister, likely without even realizing it, place more value on the girls in our family. It hurts me tremendously. To the point that I haven't spoken to my sister in over a month because of some harsh realities I faced while home visiting this summer. She really made me feel inferior, especially her outspoken feminists ways. Makes me realize that my little guys aren't respected by her as she has very little respect for men in general. Very hurtful.

I have a PP but I still wanted all girls. Trust me, a pigeon pair isn't what some of those women wanted anyway.

Perhaps not. Everyone has their ideals. My point was that having kids is a gamble in many ways and those who are fortunate to have at least one of their "preferred" gender are pretty damn lucky. I always wanted one daughter. Just one. And the gender of the others didn't matter.

That is the one thing that still bugs me...a lot some days...about my gender disappointment is when my brother and sister's friends who are all 10-15 years younger than me, all have pigeon pairs without any effort at all. Took me 20 years, 5 kids, and so many hours of research to manage it and here are all these people (who BTW are also way richer and look way happier than me too) who just do it easily. :/

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Originally Posted by monkeysnuffer

I have a PP but I still wanted all girls. Trust me, a pigeon pair isn't what some of those women wanted anyway.

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It wasn't meant as a slam on anyone who wants all girls or all boys, but it just hurts to not even get ONE of the desired gender.

Sorry

NO, not at all, don't even worry about it. :)

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Originally Posted by 2boysJustOneGirl

What bugs me most about pigeon pair moms is that they get the best of both worlds. .

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Hey Hun, I was thinking of what you wrote here and it occurred to me that maybe the PP mums get the best of both worlds, but maybe that's not the case for the girl and the boy as perhaps they would prefer a sibling of the same gender to play with, probably have more similar hobbies and interests with, similar issues etc...? Maybe just something to bear in mind :) x x

I think you are right, my boys (21 months apart) will be great playmates and hopefully friends for life. I get tired of hearing that from ppl tho😜I don't think it's too selfish to want or wish for something for myself. It's always about "my boys". It's all I hear. That alone sends me off into a very lonely place...😢


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I'm sorry you're at such a low point right now. I've been there. You're not really alone at all in this struggle. It only appears that way because of the people you know. There really are plenty of all boy moms out there and if you're not done you might get your girl, yet (and appreciate her all the more because of this).

Thanks trifecta. I am in a better place now. I think PMS really plays into how depressed I feel about my GD. We are planning on another. Just not sure which way to go...sway or HT. I have only lately even considered swaying, maybe that is my conscience telling me it is the right time. I don't know what to do!


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You could very easily get your daughter. Most people with 3 kids have mixed genders. I know TONS of people that had 2 boys and then a girl! Good luck!

Thanks Jana. The fear is what if I have ANOTHER boy?!? OMG I don think I could handle that...but I have moments where I think I would just deal with it, love him (of course!) and move on.


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You would love him and you would deal with it. There seems to be something quite special about the 3rd child of the same gender with a lot of the ladies here. I know my 3rd daughter is my most affectionate and gives me the most love. My husband wanted her to be a boy very badly and he had GD while I was pregnant with her and now he just absolutely adores her.

While pigeon pair parents may seem to get "the best of both worlds," there are things they miss out by not having multiple children of the same sex. The biggest one of those, and I am sure plenty of people notice it, is that PP parents tend to attribute ALL differences to gender. "Oh, she is talkative because she is a girl." "Oh, he is running around like that because he is a boy." "He likes those toys because boys like building toys." They don't get to see the awesome personality differences that come with having two of the same sex. Someone on here a long time again said its like getting two unique presents in the same wrapping paper. And that really does kinda explain what two or three or four of the same is like. Just because the one factor is the same, doesn't mean anything else about that package is similar. And, in that way, I do think PP parents miss out on something special. Seeing just how different two boys can be from one another, how activity level and likes and socialibilty are totally different despite the child being the same sex as his brother. And I do agree that the kids get unique benefit from that as well.

I do think that it's tough to feel that left out feeling. And it's maddening to watch people get their "ideal" family without any effort or even really caring that much. I do know that folks on here and those who deal with GD appreciate when they do get that DG even more. And it probably is that same old thing people always said "You appreciate things more when you have to work for them." I hope it happens for you.

Sorry! I feel you but like some pp said I really never wanted a pigeon pair. I love my boys TO DEATH but if I were in some alternate universe my top choice would be all girls, if not all girls than 2 of each so they could have a sibling their gender.

The truth is I likely would have been content with two kids if I had one girl and one boy. Kids are expensive! Pregnancy is exhausting and let's face it kids change things. Once you realize they are actual little ppl (takes awhile for some!) it becomes scary and unknown territory is something that is stressful for me! Especially having boys, I have struggled to relate to my kids and that makes me sad. All I hear is how lucky my husband is for two fishing partners. Where do I fit in? I don't. Simple.

When I get my girl, Likely though HT, I will be able to have that connection with my kid that I crave. And I won't be so outnumbered by penises!


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I get that desire to "fit in" somewhere. But out of curiousity...why do people (including yourself) assume that because they have penises they will enjoy fishing? Having a penis and liking to fish are two completely unrelated things. As is having a penis and liking sports. Or having a vagina and enjoying painting ones nails. I can assure you, one of my boys very much enjoys having his nails painted. And I can also assure you that neither of my boys is patient enough for fishing. Nor does my husband like sports. Nor does my mom like painting her nails. I do "get" that gender stereotypes are so hard to break free from, since people seem to love to perpetuate them. But I also get a little bent out of shape when people pigeon hole their children by assuming they will be a certain way because they are a certain sex. Yes, you are outnumbered by penises, but that doesn't mean that one or both of your children won't enjoy many of the things you do. Both of your kids could hate fishing. And your daughter could love it.

I agree with you 100% and I try to convince my PP friend of the same thing. It's other peoples reaction to my family imbalance that irritates me and the assumption that my hubby has it all because he has two sons.

When you receive pity from ppl for being daughter-less you cannot help but begin to feel pity for yourself. It's just reality. Society sucks.

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People like to say to me "your poor husband" because we have 3 girls. I couldn't care less because my husband has 3 little girls running up and giving him hugs and kisses everyday after work. There is no "poor husband" about his life! Try not to care so much what other people think. I know it's hard but they don't even know anything about your life. Just keep visualizing yourself with a daughter. It will happen!

After we had two boys, my husband actually had a weird kind of GD where he wanted more 'BOY' boys because my older two are not really stereotypical manly men at all. I agree with hotdogz that just because you have a male kid, doesn't mean you won't have tons of stuff in common. :)

To be honest, I never got any bullshit from people when I had two boys though. People think it's WAY weirder to have 5 kids than to have 2 boys! :)

I have fought the "you must have your hands full, 3 boys!!!" when they know or see me with 3 boys! How the heck would they know? It's so true that pp always point out how one sex is vs the other. It's not true and I am constantly letting them in on the secret that that's not the case. They are individuals that all happen to sport a penis. My boys are all over the map with personalities! What they all have in common is they are very affectionate. It's too bad society tries to take this away from them.
Hotdogs you spoke so well about this that I won't begin to try lol! But you read my mind but write it so much more eloquently than I ever could:)

2boysj1g- :) :) I'm late to this post so just read it. And it made me smile. Not because you feel/felt bad But because of how you said it! Kick stuff down and setting life on fire! That is exactly how I feel a lot. I'm a bit dramatic and that is how I would express myself as well. I am also feeling a lot like this these days. Have quite a few friends getting their PP lately and it hurts. One close friend who I've been avoiding but saw the other day is pregnant with the girl both her and DH desperately wanted. She said how glad she was about leaving an old neighborhood full of boys before she got pregnant again! She said, ' there must be something on the water there. ' that set me off. Then had a client at work yesterday tell me her daughter is newly pregnant and they both just know she's having a girl and she told me names. Finally I said what if she has a boy? She stopped and looked up at me like I was crazy! 'Oh she's NOT having a boy.'
Society/culture sucks and most certainly makes me feel like I have an inferior family for having boys. People really need to think before they speak especially friends who know how you feel.
My whole pre kid life, I thought I'd have 2 girls. Was shocked and sad to hear boy at my 5mos ultrasound. I thought after that okay next time. I can do a boy if I get a girl next time. I also only planned on 2 kids. Now here I am hoping to conceive baby 3. The only way I was able to convince DH on #3 is because DS2 is such a different baby from ds1. He's very chill, happy and affectionate. DH was hoping for a girl when we were pregnant for 2nd time and is also hoping for that girl this time.
Anyway sorry I just high jacked your post. Clearly I'm having my own sadness issues these days.
I feel you lady! You not alone! I was most certainly kicking an screaming yesterday:) Xoxo!

Glad we have each other! I love this site for giving us common ground in a world full of pp assholes. One thing about GD is there are ups and downs but eventually I believe it will get easier and easier to accept and live with.


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I feel you. I am mostly surrounded with ppl who have 1, 2 or 3 boys, so that def makes it easier. Are you really sure there aren't any boys moms you could hang out with? I know a girl with a PP who wanted a third child and had a preference for a boy. HEr DH was on the fence about a 3rd child and ppl just talked her into not having a third bc she already had one of each, but reading between the lines, I know she was longing for a second boy.

For the month of June this year, I though I was having a DD, but miscarried. I'll tell you this: when I tought I was having a DD, it strangely became less of a big deal for me. Maybe bc once something is not unattainable anymore, it's just not as desirable. I could not believe I was feeling that way, after yrs of GDe. I was def happy, but not AS over the moon as I thought I'd be. Now I struggle a lot with cycling again or not, for various reasons. Bc my GDe is not as strong now (altho still there), bc of the cost, bc of my age, bc I'm afraid I'd be pushing me luck and there'd be something with the baby.... It's just an icky frame of mind to be in.

I find it utterly repulsive how some people react to boys. As like most of you mums, I have a sweet, caring and VERY affectionate little boy that adores both his mummy and daddy and is always hugging us and giving us cuddles.

It's how CHILDREN are brought up, not about gender. I know some little girls who are royal pains in the $%#^ and thank my lucky stars that I don't have one, but then it has nothing to do with her being a girl, it's that her parents have treated her like a spoilt princess and now she acts like it.

We all would love a daughter (or son), that is why we are here, but no one should ever make anyone feel less of a person because they only bare one type of gender. I truly believe there is a reason why we don't get to 'select' the gender of our babies.... We are blessed with a CHILD, whom we love no matter what is between it's legs.

I think Western society has glorified girls with beautiful fashion, pagent shows, modelling shoes, etc... But years ago every mother wanted to have boys! Funny how fashion can affect how we feel, even about our kids...

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Originally Posted by hotdogz&boyz

I get that desire to "fit in" somewhere. But out of curiousity...why do people (including yourself) assume that because they have penises they will enjoy fishing? Having a penis and liking to fish are two completely unrelated things. As is having a penis and liking sports. Or having a vagina and enjoying painting ones nails. I can assure you, one of my boys very much enjoys having his nails painted. And I can also assure you that neither of my boys is patient enough for fishing. Nor does my husband like sports. Nor does my mom like painting her nails. I do "get" that gender stereotypes are so hard to break free from, since people seem to love to perpetuate them. But I also get a little bent out of shape when people pigeon hole their children by assuming they will be a certain way because they are a certain sex. Yes, you are outnumbered by penises, but that doesn't mean that one or both of your children won't enjoy many of the things you do. Both of your kids could hate fishing. And your daughter could love it.

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THIS x 1,000,000!!!

I am very late coming to this thread, but I couldn't not reply. Hotdogz, you truly have a magical way with words and so perfectly profoundly stated. I find myself agreeing SO MUCH with everything you post. Thank you.

You have just nailed what bugs me too. We have 3 boys, but we're about as far from the cliche stereotypes as you can get. NONE of mine are 'boy sports' kids. My eldest is a bookworm. He's active but can't even remember who won the game when he plays soccer or any other team sports, lol.

My middle and youngest are dancers. My middle son just joined a pro ballet school and LOVES it. He's always been a dancer, but the form of dance he has taken to is BALLET. My youngest is just starting to get into dance, and he is the most enthusiastic passionate one in his entire class of little girls. My youngest used to be in the same dance class as my neighbour's cute little girl, and while my neighbour's daughter of course had the cute little pink ballet getup, she didn't even last ONE YEAR before quitting. And my son is still dancing and still loving it! So funnily enough, I get to continue being a dance mom and a boy mom, and my neighbour doesn't get to be a dance mom at all.

They are all completely different in personality and temperaments. And I'm sure if I had a fourth boy, he'd be a unique creature too. Preconceived notions are such unnecessary limitations.