I'm sorry for messing up this forum and deleting my posts. I appreciated everyone who took the time to respond to what I wrote. Thank you for your support and your thoughts. It's time for me to put this behind me now.
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I'm sorry for messing up this forum and deleting my posts. I appreciated everyone who took the time to respond to what I wrote. Thank you for your support and your thoughts. It's time for me to put this behind me now.
Hi complex emotions, i get you. But at the end of the day you are the only one who can make that decision... I long for a daughter too and i think to myself should i or shouldn't i ??? But i look at it like this if i don't i know i will kick myself over it if i never tried i feel my family isn't complete so that gives me a great reason to try .. I have longed for a daughter for 15yrs , i have 4 DS .
With your vitamins etc ill let atomic give you advice on that ..
Good luck on your Journey FX we all get our DD.. Trust in Lord at the end of the day he knows what's best we can only try and help
For to say Welcome xx
Forgot *( Sorry kids running a muck , lol ��) im not typing right
At 34/35 despite the hoopla about advanced maternal age and all that, you DO have time to take a month to try and get your head right. I am not in your head of course so I can't totally say if this is the right move to make or not, but it would give you the advantage of more time to let things solidify swaywise. I never feel good about people who are not ok with another boy trying to run a "hurry up offense" because it really doens't give you the best possible shot. You also "talk like a boy mom" if that makes any sense, in that I can tell you've put a lot of thought and attention to detail into all this and I want you to have the best of all possible chances to have a successful sway because you may be at a bit more of a disadvantage than some just by your personality (because personality does seem to have some effect on sway outcomes).
Gender doesn't run in a family genetically. http://genderdreaming.com/forum/sper...x-y-sperm.html and “We only make boys!” :: Natural Gender Selection, IVF/PGD Experts | genderdreaming.com
Low sodium hasn't worked out for us as a sway tactic and most of us have given up on it. It can be much easier to stick to the diet overall if you let go on that one but that's at your discretion of course.
Cal-mag - that is also at your discretion. Many of us on this site got boys with Cal-mag so it's very easy for us to walk away from, but if you believe in it, including them in the form of supplements (rather than drinking a gallon of whole milk a day) is at your discretion.
Mint tea can delay or even stop ovulation so I would have you use this from AF-CD 14 or positive OPK whichever comes first, then take the rest of the month off.
I"m concerned because we are seeing 12 weeks or longer on diet, and while it does seem like you've been on some kind of diet that long I would love more specifics if you have them - like what exactly types of things are you eating, etc?? 1500-1800 cals a day?? 40-50 g protein? 30-60 g fat??? More, less?? I am a big believer in swaying safely so I want to be sure you havne't cut back too far.
:agree: exercise be sure you compensate by increasing calories or you risk stopping ovulation.
You do get used to the breakfast thing over time. That first week is a killer!!
:agree: iron and zinc and often prescribe those for people who've been on diet longer than 3-6 months. My preferred way of using them is 8-15 mg zinc, 18-30 mg iron 3x a week.
The D seems to be a big deal and I feel it is another reason to possibly wait a month.
Yogurt and cranberry juice are not good ways of preventing yeast infections. Yeast may sway pink or blue or swing back and forth between both extremes, we really aren't sure. I would use either some plain, unsweetened yogurt as a vaginal cream (and this sounds gross but it can be very soothing) to repopulate the area with the healthy microorganisms and/or the over the counter cream.
Cranberry juice is also concerning to me because it's a concentrated bunch of nutrients for NO benefit to the sway. In order for cranberry to potentially sway, it needs to be in a concentrated, medicinal form and not just some juice. Cran juice doesn't work and it may even sway blue by adding those nutrients. Additionally, we have tracked our results with cranberry supplements, and found them to be neutral at best, so even in that scenario where you're taking gobs of the stuff, it doesn't work anyway.
I would like to see you more at 1200-1600 mcg folic acid. 400 is not enough.
Oh and WELCOME to our site, BTW!! Nice to "meet" you!!
Hi complex , correct me if im wrong but some of ur diet is sounding to me to be a boyish type diet.. Also are you taking prenatals ? Cause prenatals totally sway BLUE, i know this cause i have taken them when ttc and they are all boys... and study also show this . Maybe best for you to read some of atomic essays as they are very helpful .
Take care xx
Folic acid is ok and very important though.. Just not prenatals
Personally I think the only reason why the 3 day cutoff seems to get more girls, is because you end up with one attempt in the fertile window which the stats on this site have shown to sway pink. The timing is a Shettles idea and has been debunked.
bump this for me, out of time today
Or the 3 dat cut off has the same affect as one attemp in the fertile window.
And shettles could be on to something but just not read it right
(I know I got my sons with more then one attemp and dd with one)
While it may seem like timing sways, it doesn't. Really the best time to conceive is O-3, O-2, O-1 and to a lesser extent O day. If you're DTD on O-3 only, then that's swaying pink because it leaves one attempt in the fertile window AND because it's a few days out from ovulation, not as many sperm remain which sways pink as well. It seems like fewer sperm equals more girls but not always of course because there's always exceptions. There have been so many Shettles opposites that I have a hard time believing in it. O-3 does cut odds of conception more so than BD at pos. Opk which is what Atomic suggests since she wants best odds of pregnancy so we're not swaying for ages. I will say though that I did get pregnant with a 3 day cutoff first month TTC while swaying but baby didn't stick. I have a friend who had a 2 day cutoff and is about to have her daughter so I think it's more of it being number of attempts rather than the actual day. Of course if you want to include timing that's completely up to you. We all have to tweak our sways to suit us our own individual circumstances. :)
The advanced opks drive me bonkers. lol I'll get several days of high readings which is totally normal so don't worry if that's what happening. Clearblue says it's fine to get up to 8 before getting a peak reading. I do use that kind but I find the cheapie OPK sticks or the regular digital ones are easier.
Good luck! :)
Hey there is plenty of food ideas in dream members section and they are yummy. Xx
It is TOTALLY fine to do a 3 day cutoff if it floats your boat. It's just that we want that to be among the first things that you drop instead of keeping that till the bitter end while giving up on everything else. So many of us have 2,3,4 or more boys conceived with 3 day cutoffs that it's very easy for us to turn our backs on it. Starting off with 3 day cutoff is cool - starting off with 4-7 day cutoff like I've seen a lot of people do is not gonna work.Quote:
Originally Posted by Complex Emotions
The studies where a)no external medication was used to induce ovulation (like Clomid) and b)people's O day was confirmed by professionals and NOT self-reported or charting and the professionals were not profiting from proving timing correct, and c) in studies where most of the people could stick to the program and not drop out (we have a fair number of studies where 300 people started it and only 30 finished because they couldn't stick to the program or couldn't get pregnant) did NOT find that. I've read dozens, if not hundreds of timing studies by this point and most of them are useless or misleading. In fact the reliable studies found 50-50 boys and girls conceived every day of the cycle, with even a teensy bump O-1 and O Day. And evolutionarily it makes no sense because if a boy didn't have enough nutrients to survive on Wednesday, he wouldn't on Thursday either and I just don't think that's how our body operates, that type of random fluke just doesn't evolve that way. But, it is 110% your sway your way and it isn't harmful so if you want to use it, at your discretion. :)
Re the Clearblue advanced, yes that thing gives everyone fits. We often see it going "high fertility" for 8 days without ever going to "peak", or just going straight to "peak" without the promised days of high. So jsut keep that in mind when you're using it.
minerals at your discretion, just like timing that's something that's way easier to give up once you've had opposites that way which many of us have had. Just so you know, I have it on authority from ladies who have actually done the Dutch program in the Netherlands that the LE Diet is actually quite similar to the types of foods they recommend so you're not hurting yourself by doing a primarily LE Diet but just keeping sodium low and taking cal-mag supps.
At BMI 19 I don' want you to lose any weight if you can avoid it. Keep eating what you need to keep your weight stable but switch over from animal/saturated fats to eating more Omega 6/vegetable sources, and decreasing protein/fat vs. carbs overall. Olive oil is a gray area and I'd probably have you switch over to something even worse LOL like canola or corn oil, but that's at your discretion (I kept on eating butter when I got my DD and still got her anyway)
Also want to be sure you know that vegetables are free and unlimited meaning you do not count them. This means you have more calories to play around with than you think you do.
You actually can have 2 OR 3 meals, just do whichever works for you. I have a fast metabolism and I would keel over dead on 2 meals a day practically. I ate at 10:30/11 ish, then again at 4 pm, then again before bed. it's still a long fast and much different from how I usually ate, which is like a Hobbit, all day every day.
The funny thing about the personality stuff is: no, there isn't, and trying to is worse than doing nothing.
When you take a step back it's clear that if the problem is being a bit of a detail oriented, high in control type of person, the solution is not to then launch a project to force yourself to change. It doesn't work, and in fact it's kind of chasing your tail really because trying to control your way into not being a control freak, is actually just an exercise in being a control freak (and that is in no way criticism, I'm right there with ya.)
What you have to do is cultivate (effortlessly and in a self-forgiving way) the idea that you are who you are and how you are and that is not going to change. You will control the aspects that are within your sphere of control, and let go of the stuff that isn't, to a higher power or to luck or the universe as per your belief system. Acknowledge that at the end of the day, it's out of your control what happens, and that is ok. No matter what, you cannot lose, either you get a daughter or another fabulous boy to love (and personally I think all boys should come in pairs like shoes, they thrive with brothers) and it's part of your life's journey, and no matter what the final outcome is you're going to be ok. It's not always gonna work, but even that you should jsut forgive yourself on. No matter what, it's not a disaster, and it's not the end of the world.
I'm sorry about your unpleasant experience! Cut offs seem sooo stressful to me.
I noticed earlier in this thread you mentioned eating oatmeal - that is a big no no as we believe oats sway blue. I strongly suggest avoiding them if possible. I love oats and have replaced them with rolled wheat, personally.
Good luck with the job opportunity!
I think dropping the cut off would be a good idea if it stresses you out. One attempt at OPK+ or peak on the monitor would be a lot less stressful.
Good luck next month!!
Those are all fine in moderation! Glad you dropped the oatmeal.
You absolutely SHOULD have applied for that job. Once in a lifetime stuff, you HAVE to go for that even when swaying. REmember you could lock yourself in a closet eating nothing but cranberries and rice cakes and still get a boy ANYWAY. DO NOT and I repeat do not let a life changing opportunity pass by for swaying.
I know I already said this but timing DOES NOT SWAY. Most of us on here hav 2-3-4 or more timing opposites. I have 4, 3 boys with cutoffs and a girl in Shettles boy timing. (and just think about all the people out there who would swear to you that timing works, but what happened to you this month actually happened to them!!) It just doesn't work and you can probably understand now in retrospect, tearing yourself up over something that doesn't even work anyway is not going to do your sway any favors. The amount of boy-makin' juju that comes from this worrying over timing is 10 billion times worse than your job application. Worrying over an amazing, once in a lifetime opportunity when you're doing this to yourself at the same time chasing a tactic that doesn't even work, it is time to take a step back and get your head right about what is happening here because I am worried for the fate of your sway if one little thing not going to plan is making you fall apart like this.
I honestly do not think you guys should try in February. I think you should take a month off and even consider high tech. I don't think you're ready to give up the cutoff because you need to give it up for the right reason (because you're ready to). If you really, really feel like you cannot handle another boy then high tech would be a better option. If that's not on the table, that's ok, but let's take February to catch our breath and regroup and you and I can go over some better ways to deal with these feelings and get it so you're feeling so great about your sway that a little early ovulation won't feel like the end of the world. :) March-May could possibly be more pink-friendly anyway so you may be helping yourself out by giving it another month.
There are no magic foods that make boys or girls. You can absolutely eat all those foods and most people do.Quote:
Originally Posted by Complex Emotions
1500-1800 cals, 40-50 g protein 30-60 g fat, you have the vegetable fats aspect covered already by using the canola oil/margarine. That is what matters. All those foods you mention can absolutely be part of a pink sway diet and I ate garbanzos (in hummus form mostly but lots of it), peanut butter, well heck I had all those things except egg whites, and that's because I did eat whole eggs now and then instead. :) You are doing fine on diet (may even not be eating ENOUGH). It's the other stuff we need to get ironed out.
I understand totally and I realize rereading what I wrote that complex emotions are just that - complex - and that I get that you can totally feel lots of different ways about this. I hope my response wasn't overly harsh, please realize that I actually DO get people who are falling apart and basically locking themselves in a closet going full-on Howard Hughes researching every possible thing that has ever been rumored to sway gender, no matter how dangerous or farfetched it is. So I apologize if the atomic tough love was unwarranted there. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Complex Emotions
We totally understand it's not about having another boy. We totally get that. It's that idea of NEVER. Of that door closing forever, but at the same time you ahve to live in the real world and that you could wait forever and "ruin" (not that your family would be ruined, but that you wouldn't have the spacing you want) your family ideal over something that might not ever happen anyway - IKYKWIM. You could wait 10 years and still get a boy then. I just hope you can take a step back and understand you're surrounded by tons of ladies who nailed that 3 day cutoff and got a boy so please don't take it so seriously. You don't need to give it up, but neither should you be getting upset if it doesn't work out. One of the most important lessons that I have learned from this process, is just as you say about control. It may even be that the more we fight to BE in control, we may end up passing by opportunities where God/luck/the universe was lending us a hand.
Swaying is kinda like an iceberg, where the stuff we see and control is just this teensy bit and then under the water there is this massive enormous thing. So we may end up waiting and waiting for everything above the surface to fall into place, but in the meantime we pass by months where for all we know, literally every single thing that we cannot see may be pink-friendly. Control what you can control, and then at the end of it you have to walk forward eventually in faith or in hope as per your belief system. :)
Love the tip of the iceberg analogy atomic!
I hope it's ok to bump mon this thread, I was curious do you believe atomic and others that along with LE and 1 attempt, you should also do the jump and dump ( sounds horrible saying!)? Anything else you would add, I know Sudafed is a no no, but Benadryl? No douch because it's decreases conception but does it work?
Jump and dump has seemed to add something in statistics so I'd give it a shot at the start.Quote:
Originally Posted by Traci25
Benadryl and other antihistamine have been neutral. Cuts odds conception, doesn't seem to help.
Douching, I believe only appears to work becuase it's done with one attempt. I think the apparent success in our stats (which is very small sample size BTW) is deceiving because the one attempt sways so much. I saw tons of people douche like madwomen and get boys doing that and it causes tons of trouble with infections and stuff.
Yes exactly! That's exactly what I mean. No matter what the outcome, it WILL be ok. That's the faith element in it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Complex Emotions
I can't say about February. I can't decide that for people and I feel like it would honestly be better to flip a coin and do what the coin says.
I actually recommend 1200-1600 for pink, 2000 for blue (that's micrograms, not milligrams) THe reason I do that, is not because I"m trying to be different or quirky, it's because I researched it thoroughly and based on studies that is the safest amount for you guys to be taking while on a somewhat restricted diet. 1000 is ok if that's the way it works out with your dose though.
EVeryone takes 400 because that is the barest minimum. That is the amount for women of childbearing age JUST IN CASE they conceive. IT is the "if I mention this than no one can sue me" amount. But I have seen babies with neural tube defects conceived at that level. I had a baby with an NTD at 800 mcg folic acid, probably because I was drinking green tea at the same time (there are many things that actually block folic acid). Many sources recommend 800-1000 mcg folate for any women planning a pregnancy and these are women on a normal diet and taking prenatals as well. I think that the 1200-1600 mcg is best for you guys partly becaue your diet is more restrictive, and partly becaue you're not on prenatals (some other B vitamins help folic acid to be used better by the body)
The difference between 800 and 1000 is miniscule. If you think you are somehow preventing twin pregnancy by cutting back on 200 mcg folic acid, I'm sorry but that just isn't the way it works. They actually have studied if folic acid causes twinning and they found that it did NOT. What it does do, is ensures that both babies in a twin pregnancy develop normally and stay stuck. Many people who conceive twins end up losing one or both, and the folic acid may help prevent that from happening. So not that it is making more twins happen, but that it is enabling more twin pregnancies to work out.
I just read through this whole string of posts about your situation and I can very much relate. I'm a bit different, with two boys already, I'm 40 AND my husband had a vasectomy after our second due to some really tough health stuff the four of us went through, but, only a year after the V I'm here - having the exact same internal debate you guys are.Quote:
Originally Posted by Complex Emotions
It's all so much to think about.
I do have to say that over the past few weeks/months/years as I've been processing things and thinking about life in general I've found this sort of comfort by looking back on this journey and seeing that everything really does work out the way it's meant to and sometimes those things that are the most incredible blessings actually fall in your lap without any warning and when you least expect it. We really are so limited in the control we have and even more, what is most important is how we deal with setbacks and those things out of our control....not how much we 'get what we want'. I wish I could take my own thoughts and musings to heart more than I do....I feel so much in tune with your complex emotions...
I wish you peace on this journey, I have a feeling you guys will find the right solution for your family with all the thought and care you are putting into this. Best wishes and please keep us posted. I will be following along.
If HT is on the table, I recommend at least looking into it. Because what may happen in that you end up back here ANYWAY with another little dude in tow trying to work out logistics for that. Time is not our friend in HT and the odds of success only decline, the idea that you can go HT in your early 40's is propagated by celebs who have either used donated/or prefrozen eggs, or did a dozen cycles.
HT now, sway later. If it doesn't work out, you absolutely CAN sway in your 40's it's wayyyy easier than HT in your 40's.
:agree: totally and the journey, when you look back on it, you realize, wow, wouldn't change a thing. My DS 4 is my doppelganger, my smartypants, and a great kid (as I was writing this he said "I spy something beautiful and she's typing on the computer.") :heart:!! My 3rd is my husband's best buddy and soo adorably handsome. My 2nd is the most amazing and supportive guy and my bestest friend. I just wouldn't change that at all (and none of that of course takes away from my first who I wanted to be a boy with every fiber of my being, was just lucky enough to get him and love him to the moon and back) . My daughter isn't a replacement for what these guys brought into my lives.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweetplum
I don't really have much to say except I love, love everything you just said atomic! So sweet!
I can so relate to all this....your longing is definitely valid.Quote:
Originally Posted by Complex Emotions
Give yourself time to process.
My perspective from the other side : Two boys are pretty awesome, I'll have to quote Atomic here in that "boys should come in pairs like shoes" nothing truer has been said! I watch my two and they love eachother deeply only like brothers can and I would not change it for the world. Plus the opportunity to raise strong yet vulnerable, successful yet loving MEN is a gift not to be taken lightly :)
It will all make sense, it's great you are here thinking about it and coming to terms with everything.
i recommend a look at the (imperfect) book "Stiffed" by Susan Faludi. There's a section on the Citadel (which was once an all-boys military school in the US, but now isn't any more, for better or worse) and how an all boy-education may help men get more in touch with their "feminine" side because they don't HAVE to impress girls and thus don't have to act uber-masculine. There's a part where an older student is showing a younger student how to tuck in their shirt, and it's the kind of totally asexual, physical, loving connection that brothers and straight men living together in close quarters have, that oftentimes is sexualized by Hollywood into "homoeroticism" for lack of a better term - but boys and men need that. It's Sam and Frodo, it's Woody and Buzz, it's Bert and Ernie, it's Han and Luke, and Bart and Milhouse, and Batman and Robin, and Kirk and Spock and Bones, and and Peter Parker and Harry Osborne and and a thousand other iconic male-male pairs. I see that all the time with my sons and their brothers. It's like a friendship and caretaking and camaraderie between men that is of late turned into something other than what it really is, to all our detriment. They love each other, and it's a kind of love that is precious and valuable to the world. :agree:
I understand totally. HT has never been for me either. I don't know why because I completely support it for literally everyone, but me. Just doesn't feel right to me, maybe because I always knew or sensed that I could live without a daughter. I got one, by the grace of God or the universe, but at the end of the day I always knew from day one I could and WOULD get through this, daughter or no. My daughter is a gift, she is the cherry on top of a pretty f-ng awesome sundae but I knew and know, at the end of it all, in my heart and gut that I would still be here telling you guys, IT IS OK to have only sons, you are still endlessly blessed, even if I had not gotten a daughter. Sons are a miracle and I see plenty of women who I started this journey with, in 2008, who didn't keep having kids like I did, and hung with 2 or 3 or boys, and they are HAPPY!!! Their lives are beautiful and amazing. They drink margaritas on a beach with their husband in Mexico. Their sons win awards for music or swimming, or robotics, or academics. I have 4 of the most beautiful treasures in the world and that hasn't changed because I had a daughter, not at all!!! When you're in it, it feels all encompassing, but once the decision is made, things are ok. It's just another dream that did or didn't come true. These sites are great when you need the support but we aren't always the best at helping people move forward, maybe because we are still in it. But you CAN move on with your life and have a great life even if you don't get your desired gender. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Complex Emotions
No more weight loss. Do whatever it takes to stop the unintentional weight loss right away.
I don't feel we have the data to say for sure if the release beforehand helps or hurts a sway. Not enough people did it and the whole thing is skewed by the one attempt. So personally, I'd leave it out, I never recommend it any more, not because of the stress, but because it's gonna cut your odds of conception so much for a dubious benefit anyway.
You CAN'T change your brain. Don't try. It was never ever ever x infinity and beyond, my intention to start having you guys launch into these modes where you think you're going to turn yourself into someone else for a sway. The ONLY ONLY ONLY reason I ever mentioned it was because historically people would treat swaying pink as a game they could win, like if they sacrificed hard enough, controled every aspect in their lifes, did every sway tactic ever rumored to do anything, tracked their cycles for years and made colorcoded pH charts, etc they would then be guaranteed a daughter. But it is the trying to control that sways blue, and so to trade that stuff for laying in bed thinking "OMG OMG I gotta turn into Mary, I'm ruining my sway, gotta calm down" and practicing hours of Shaolin breathing techniques to "calm down" (being just this side of a panic attack the whole time of course) is JUST as bad if not worse even.
I promise ya, I'm the exact same person I was when I conceived my boys, when I conceived my girl. I didn't turn into someone else, I was just slightly more defeated and mellow, and may I point out that we don't KNOW that even had any connection to why I conceived a girl, and additionally we don't KNOW that it was any deliberate change in attitude that accomplished that, or (much more likely) a side effect of chronic stress, sleep loss, and LE Diet.
oh and everything else looking good. :agree:
I'm new to this and absolutely not an expert but I think your plan seems to hit on all the buttons in terms of leaning for a girl. That said, there are no guarantees and I have this feeling that no matter what happens for you it will be just wonderful and you'll embrace it, maybe with time or maybe immediately, that includes not moving forward with TTC too. You seem quite rigorous in thought and intuitive, and of course, that will lead to obsessing but also to enlightenment :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Complex Emotions
BMI of 18.5 seems so low...I used to be anorexic but I'm no where near to that thin now so I kinda agree to eat up and not worry about weight loss.
When it comes to the personality thing, I agree 100% that you cannot change it, it's the circumstances that may drag you down into the melancholy that seems to sway girl (at least from what I've read). I'm so new to all this but I'd have to say that if the 'defeated' hypothesis was always true, then every women in their 40s would all be having girls....really by that time in life we are so beaten down by our other children, dreams that have died and well, life, that it would seem that we would all have girls, but we don't...so as Atomic says it's really just trends and combinations. I wouldn't worry about the personality thing too much, just be who you are, let life happen and sink in to the imperfection and randomness of it. Easier said than done, right ?!? (Coming from the Ultimate Perfectionist).
Keep us posted, I'm really excited to hear what you do and I (secretly) hope you'll go for it :)
????Whaaaaaaa??????
Am I the only chick who LIKES being in her 40's??
Some sh!tty stuff has happened to me along the way but it has f-all to do with being 45. I love being this age. I find it very freeing and if I would've had to go through the stuff I have gone through, in my 20's when I was still super duper uptight about everything, my head would have exploded. Yeah, I felt defeated at the time I conceived my daughter, but then again that was 3 1/2 years ago and it's gone away and things are feeling pretty upbeat for me now. And again, I have no way of knowing if that had any connection anyway or if it was diet + one attempt.
So many people misinterpret what I"m trying to say into some sort of "girl moms are depressed losers" thing. THAT IS NOT WHAT I'M SAYING AT ALL. If anything, I think being a Mary is SUPERIOR to being a Martha because you have learned or know instinctively what is important and don't waste all this time spinning your wheels over crap that doesn't matter and feeling like a failure all the time because of the grand plans that don't work out (because they'd take a cast of thousands and a million dollars to do them.) I think that on the whole people who are inherently Mary or have a good balance between extremes, are happier and more successful than those of us who are the full on Martha types because we just burn ourselves up on stuff that either doesn't matter to other people, or that they actively dislike, in that way that people always tend to dislike people who try to outdo everybody else at stuff. :/
I am just trying to explain a very complicated thing very simply and it's not easy. I just don't want girl moms to walk away from this convo with a bad taste in their mouths. :)
I agree with you 100%.Quote:
Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush
I'm loving my 40s and it's because I am more relaxed and accepting of the fact that life sometimes goes the way you want it to and well, it sometimes doesn't and that is OK and I basically worry less about everything. Using 'defeated' bit was too harsh in the wording, what I mean is that by our 40s we are more 'accepting' of the ups and downs of life and more low key. I'm DEFINITELY more accepting in my 40s than even 5 years ago when I tried to control everything and do it all perfectly. So I guess what I meant is that when we get to this point of more maturity I think some of us who were previously 100% Martha do become more Mary just due to the course of stuff happening and being defeated (at times). I definitely was beat down and defeated in the past few years and this has changed me...since I tried to control EVERYTHING with my first two (actually three - one miscarriage) pregnancies and kept getting the short straw when it came to my health and my kids health (big time) I realized that well, it doesn't matter how much you plan it all down to the last detail, life happens and it's good to be organized but all that worrying and stressing won't matter for the big stuff, a lot of life is out of our control and how we adapt is more important than stressing and planning and controlling.
I hope that makes more sense. I'm definitely not here to offend or judge. I think there are great qualities to both Mary and Martha and my point was that I'm pretty sure you can be a Martha and still get a girl or a Mary and still get a boy as this is not a perfect science. It's about trends and combinations and many more variables than just one single isolated thing...I just wanted Complex Emotions to not try to change her personality as I think these things happen naturally through the course of ones life :)
No it was my fault, I used "defeated" to begin with without clarifying that it happened to be true for me personally when I got pg with my DD and not that it was a larger trend or anything. Sometimes I write too many posts in one day and get verbal diarrhea LOL.
I agree with every word you say, it's that over time life beats it out of ya one way or the other, for better or for worse (because there are honestly some things I miss about my Martha ways) but overall it's good for all of us to learn to let go of the control-freak-ishness. :agree: Completely agree.
Hi complex,how are you feeling ? Oh yes plz make sure your getting enough potassium ts so very important to your health, what I do daily to make Sure I'm getting enough is eat my grapes and skim milk , potatoes here or there and cauliflower.xx take care of your self