ColdWater, can you take a look please?

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Originally Posted by JoannaK

I have an interesting thought I wanted to pose- I just brought it up with Butterfly Spirit, I'm a bit tentative to post it publicly, but I'm sure you ladies know I'm not meaning it to be malicious at all, not at all. But I'm just wondering, the lady who told me I should be grateful I could even get pregnant because I lost my last baby, we all know the story. The thing is, (and of COURSE i absolutely WON'T do this), but wouldn't it be the "same thing" if I said to her "well it's a good thing you can't get pregnant because if you did, you could be having constant miscarriages with each successful month" ? Isn't that roughly the same thing? And imagine how she would feel if someone said that to her.... And again, I couldn't do it, no matter how badly somebody hurts me, I couldn't hurt them like that. Just a thought to muse over....?

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Wow just wow so disappointed with this statement

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Originally Posted by JoannaK

I have an interesting thought I wanted to pose- I just brought it up with Butterfly Spirit, I'm a bit tentative to post it publicly, but I'm sure you ladies know I'm not meaning it to be malicious at all, not at all. But I'm just wondering, the lady who told me I should be grateful I could even get pregnant because I lost my last baby, we all know the story. The thing is, (and of COURSE i absolutely WON'T do this), but wouldn't it be the "same thing" if I said to her "well it's a good thing you can't get pregnant because if you did, you could be having constant miscarriages with each successful month" ? Isn't that roughly the same thing? And imagine how she would feel if someone said that to her.... And again, I couldn't do it, no matter how badly somebody hurts me, I couldn't hurt them like that. Just a thought to muse over....?

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I have to say I supported and felt for you the other day when I replied. But after that statement you have lost all respect from me. I can't believe another mother, woman or human could possibly compare both. And that is coming from
Someone who unfortunately suffered both numerous miscarriages AND GD!!!!

You got 80% from your doctor so leave it be ,you are doing no one any favours thinking or saying statements like that!!!

Log off and enjoy your good news and let it go!!

I don't know the whole backstory nor all the comments made elsewhere but I do know we all have moments of frustration and when you don't feel supported it can feel like people are against you when they are really just skeptical because of their own baggage.

There are many green eyed monsters on the Internet and there are people who are genuinely happy for us when things work out.

Sure everyone on this thread has had a moment in their life where they did not rise above so let's not get too down on someone who may simply be reading into others posts the wrong way. You cannot tell tone through the Internet and that can lead to misunderstandings.

gotta add my 2 cents here. if you know its a girl and you want everyone to back off why do you keep posting and stressing and freaking out about every little comment? everyone said enjoy your pregnancy and let it go. so let it go. plus i didn't get the whole other story but you can't compair someone who can't even carry a child to boo hoo i didn't get a girl.

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Originally Posted by girlmom

gotta add my 2 cents here. if you know its a girl and you want everyone to back off why do you keep posting and stressing and freaking out about every little comment? everyone said enjoy your pregnancy and let it go. so let it go. plus i didn't get the whole other story but you can't compair someone who can't even carry a child to boo hoo i didn't get a girl.

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Speaking for J, because it was 80% not 100% is the reason she is freaking out, I'm sure. Everyone knows nothing is 100% until birth and I'm sure J is aware of that even if it wasn't expressed.

While many of us may agree that you should not make a comparison to an infertile woman, GD is difficult and can almost feel like a death has occurred even though logically, we know we should be happy with what we are given.

We have people openly talking about aborting the next child if thie next isn't the "right" gender so there are many levels to GD and not all are understood nor tolerated by all.

Ok ladies clear this up right now. I've deleted my comment and I truly apologise for hurting people's feelings. I thought my comparison was valid, apparently nobody agrees, but that's ok. What I did make clear was that I would never ever say it to that lady directly. What I wanted to make clear, and maybe I didn't make it clear, was that what that lady said to me REALLY hurt me. Most of you may not understand why, but it really hurt. Because she was implying that because I care about what gender this child is, that I don't appreciate this baby as much as someone else who doesn't mind about the gender. And THAT is unfair, and THAT is cruel, and I hope people here can acknowledge that.

I think the vast majority of us understand your last point and those that don't should probably not hang out on a gender website!

What I meant by the "same thing" ( because clearly it's literally not the same thing, so that was a very poor choice of words on my part, but Ive been extremely upset lately) but what I was trying to say is that a statement like that results in hurt feelings, and it's something that didn't have to be said (both her and my statements ). That is what I mean by "the same thing". But again, I understand if nobody understands, and I apologise if people are still hurt. I removed my post, I don't know what else I can possibly do.

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Originally Posted by JoannaK

What I meant by the "same thing" ( because clearly it's literally not the same thing, so that was a very poor choice of words on my part, but Ive been extremely upset lately) but what I was trying to say is that a statement like that results in hurt feelings, and it's something that didn't have to he said (both her and my statements ). That is what I mean by "the same thing". But again, I understand if nobody understands, and I apologise if people are still hurt. I removed my post, I don't know what else I can possibly do.

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Let's just shake our etch-a-sketch and move on! I look forward to your update and it will give hope to those that really saw a boy nub that there is always a chance that the baby is a girl regardless of what is between the legs so early!

Thank you. I have a scan in 15 days, not sure if I will update then or wait to share the news until the 20th scan. Going horse riding with my son now, couldn't have come at a better time. I'm sorry again for hurting people

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Originally Posted by nuthinbutpink

I think the vast majority of us understand your last point and those that don't should probably not hang out on a gender website!

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I'm sorry but just because i dont agree with what was said does not mean i have no right to be here.As i said i suffered GD so i hand on heart know what it feels like but having also lost 4 babies and ttc for a year to finally get a bfp ,i also know the other side to the coin. I dont use this site to pick battles and i have no intention to do so now, but i have every right to be here whether i agree or not agree with the statement.It was the comparison i was not agreeing with not the fact that Joannek is upset and hurt by comments.

Joannek as i said maybe it's time now to let it lie and enjoy your little girl. I just think a statement like that is no better to what you have said hurt you. I wish you well and hope you get 100% at your next scan.xx

Thank you irish mom. I know nobody knows because they aren't here but I'm truly sorry, I have been throwing up and shaking for days, and after reading how much I hurt people by my comment, I'm not coping very well. I am bawling and I'm trying to be strong for my boys because they can't understand why I'm so upset , but I am so so upset that I've hurt people, I feel sick. I've taken my comment away and as I said, I don't know what else I can do. If you want me to run in front of a truck I'll gladly do it because I'm struggling here. I hate disappointing people, I hate hurting people. But I've been hurt too. I can't imagine what it feels like to struggle with conceiving and have the pain of losing children. Nobody should experience one of those hells let alone two. You have every right to be here, I'm just going to stick with kind comments from now on, regardless of how hurt I am by others comments.

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Originally Posted by Irishmom

I'm sorry but just because i dont agree with what was said does not mean i have no right to be here.As i said i suffered GD so i hand on heart know what it feels like but having also lost 4 babies and ttc for a year to finally get a bfp ,i also know the other side to the coin. I dont use this site to pick battles and i have no intention to do so now, but i have every right to be here whether i agree or not agree with the statement.It was the comparison i was not agreeing with not the fact that Joannek is upset and hurt by comments.

Joannek as i said maybe it's time now to let it lie and enjoy your little girl. I just think a statement like that is no better to what you have said hurt you. I wish you well and hope you get 100% at your next scan.xx

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I wasn't speaking of you! The other lady on the other site was whom I was referring to! Sorry for the confusion.

This whole Internet thing is not working lol. Too many misunderstandings and confusion

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Originally Posted by Irishmom

I'm sorry but just because i dont agree with what was said does not mean i have no right to be here.As i said i suffered GD so i hand on heart know what it feels like but having also lost 4 babies and ttc for a year to finally get a bfp ,i also know the other side to the coin. I dont use this site to pick battles and i have no intention to do so now, but i have every right to be here whether i agree or not agree with the statement.It was the comparison i was not agreeing with not the fact that Joannek is upset and hurt by comments.

Joannek as i said maybe it's time now to let it lie and enjoy your little girl. I just think a statement like that is no better to what you have said hurt you. I wish you well and hope you get 100% at your next scan.xx

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Oh yes you have every right to be here xxxxxxx

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Originally Posted by JoannaK

Thank you irish mom. I know nobody knows because they aren't here but I'm truly sorry, I have been throwing up and shaking for days, and after reading how much I hurt people by my comment, I'm not coping very well. I am bawling and I'm trying to be strong for my boys because they can't understand why I'm so upset , but I am so so upset that I've hurt people, I feel sick. I've taken my comment away and as I said, I don't know what else I can do. If you want me to run in front of a truck I'll gladly do it because I'm struggling here. I hate disappointing people, I hate hurting people. But I've been hurt too. I can't imagine what it feels like to struggle with conceiving and have the pain of losing children. Nobody should experience one of those hells let alone two. You have every right to be here, I'm just going to stick with kind comments from now on, regardless of how hurt I am by others comments.

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Turn the PC off for a few days or a week and have some time away to clear your mind xxxxxxxx You need to be calm for your little GIRL :D

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Originally Posted by girlmom

gotta add my 2 cents here. if you know its a girl and you want everyone to back off why do you keep posting and stressing and freaking out about every little comment? everyone said enjoy your pregnancy and let it go. so let it go. plus i didn't get the whole other story but you can't compair someone who can't even carry a child to boo hoo i didn't get a girl.

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I think what has happened is she has shared her news and a few people replied with some rather uncalled for replies (which has deep down affected J and put that doubt in her mind now).

J, I am going to logg off from this thread now xx

Joanna, I don´t know if you already did, but wouldn´t you like to join a due date buddies-thread on here?
That way we can continue to chat without focusing on the negative stuff:)

Deleted.

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Originally Posted by nuthinbutpink

While many of us may agree that you should not make a comparison to an infertile woman, GD is difficult and can almost feel like a death has occurred even though logically, we know we should be happy with what we are given.

We have people openly talking about aborting the next child if thie next isn't the "right" gender so there are many levels to GD and not all are understood nor tolerated by all.

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I have to agree with you here 110%. GD can be bloody bad and feel exactly like a death!! You know the night I found out about DD#5 being a girl...in the dark of the middle of the night when I could finally sob without feeling guilty....I think it felt equally as bad as my pregnancy losses. My chest physical ached like my heart was broken, I couldn't breathe, I was lost and wished I could take it all back and not be pregnant anymore. I felt like my son that I had dreamed of and planned for my whole life had died. I think some comparison can be made...both women have a dream, a longing deep in their hearts to experience something, you throw so many years and tries again and again into something...something you really have no control over...you see people all over the world getting exactly what you want and it always seems just out of your reach!! It hurts and makes you sad and your life is consumed with what you just can't have.

I don't think all women understand it even those with one gender. I believe it gets worse and worse with each child...I don't believe someone on child 2, 3, 4 understand what it feels like to have baby 5, 6 and 7 of the same gender. I too have experienced losses (5 of them including one set of twins)....and no that didn't make the GD any better or make me thankful that I could just have a baby.

Blaming GD for everything shouldn't be the case here as she is so adamant this is her girl. Why would she have GD with this pregnancy if she is so certain this is her girl? What she is saying goes beyond GD. I think she is suffering from depression or maybe even something entirely different. She needs to seek medical help if she is thinking about throwing herself under a truck because a comment she made got a bad reaction......and it's not good for her kids to be seeing her like this either. She has been crying for days according to herself which I can only assume is from what was written on IG. Believe it or not they majority of people there were only trying to protect you. She's not doing herself or her kids any good. I think she needs a break from all this. Wishing you the best with your scan in 15 days Joanna and I truely do hope you get your girl xxx

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Originally Posted by Indira

Joanna, I don´t know if you already did, but wouldn´t you like to join a due date buddies-thread on here?
That way we can continue to chat without focusing on the negative stuff:)

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Thankyou so much for your offer Indira, but I think I'll pass. I've only just gotten.home from hospital after beinh there overnight, I'm leaving forums now as they're clearly not good for my health and I need to think about what's best for my children, as Little xmen 3 & little princess indicated, as they are the ones who matter most.

I hope you are ok Joannak??
Sounds horrible being like that you poor thing! And being in hospital??
Your scan is not far away now so thats something to really look forward to!!

Thanks pinkin., I'm on bedrest at the moment but I can't stay online otherwise DH will get cranky with me. There's just one more thing I wanted to get cleared up, as I know first hand how dangerous it is to make assumptions and share those assumptions on an online medium.. Little Men. X3 and 1 princess, I want to make clear that I'm not upset because of IG. Did it hurt me? Some of the comments, absolutely. But the reason I've been so upset, and am so upset, is because I've disappointed people on this thread. I thought I have been really kind to people here and in return, I had their support.. But as a result of one comment I made, I lost all that respect.. People who told me previously that they supported me, and then came out and told me they've lost all respect for me, that really hurts. Do I deserve it?. Most definitely. Does it make me undeserving to be really devastated by it? I don't believe so. I am a good person. There are very few things I like about myself but if there is one thing I can credit myself for is that I care SO MUCH. It is the reason why I became a mother, and it is the reason why my sons, hopefully, love me. My family and close friends believe I care too much, and that is the reason why I've been so upset, because I have let people down. And that is a pain I will harbour for years. I can't just "not care", if I could do that, I'd be a different person and my life would have taken vastly different paths. But if my main "problem" is that I care too much about not hurting or disappointing people, I'm fairly confident there are worse qualities to have in this world. That is all I wanted to say, because I don't think it's fair to make such a critical assumption on somebody's mental wellbeing. Pinkin, 14 days to go, can't wait to update you! And I can't wait to hear your results xxo

I think sometimes words can be misinterpreted on the internet and this goes for both sides:) I really think both sides have the best intentions at heart and this is just a big mess now,what is most important is Joanna,and her baby,i hope you get better and try not to let it get to you ,every tomorrow has two handles,we can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith.:hug2: to everyone and please no more:fight:

Joannek I'm so sorry if my post upset you it really wasn't my intention. I'm just a nervous wreck myself at the minute waiting to confirm everything is ok with this pregnancy and your comment upset me. I should have ignored it.

Please put it behind you and take care of yourself and your baby. No hard feelings at all, we all say silly things and regret them. Let's blame the hormones and move on.;)

That's ok irish mom, I'm keeping you in my thoughts, I hope you feel some relief very soon xxo

Hi am new to this forum but Joanna I hope things are going well and that you found out conclusively what you're having! Update when you can - we all support you!

Hi Joanna. I witnessed the thread on ingender and thought it was horrible. Why people say things like that rather than just being happy for you is beyond me. I truly hope you are doing well. All the best :)

Does anyone know what the gender scan came out to be? Anyone friends with her? Really hopin she got her bundle of pink =) xoxox

She knows what bubby is :)

oh i really hope she got what she was hoping for!

Hopefully she'll update everyone!

I have been thinking of you and I feel that you are a very strong woman. I hope you update us on how you and baby are doing. For you do still have many followers who are here for you.

I really don't care about gender at this point...I've been following Joanna's story since her 12 week nub with the baby that sadly died last November. I just want this baby to be healthy and I really wish she would update us on that. She has been through so much. I really hope she has a healthy little baby in there.

In really don't think she will be back to update

Does anyone know? I hope all is well with the baby and that she is feeling ok! :(

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Originally Posted by fivebabies

Does anyone know? I hope all is well with the baby and that she is feeling ok! :(

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a few posts down, TTC5 says joanna knows the gender, but I'm not sure TTC5 knows what joanna is having, and if she does, I doubt she will say. I hope things are going okay for her, to! I'm expecting my 4th boy and wouldn't mind chatting with you, Joanna, if you are expecting a little boy also! They truly are a blessing and I'm actually very excited for little boy #4. :)