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Hi guys, haven't been in for a while, preparations for my little man's birthday party have been taking up much of my time.
I've finally come to terms with having another boy - I think the beautiful movement that I've started feeling has really helped that, I can't wait to have another newborn. Can't believe it's been over a week since I found out. DH still doesn't know (I had the gender scan in secret which I'm so glad I did because at least he doesn't have to see me at the worst of the GD, I couldn't stop crying the day I found out). He's getting excited about "finally finding out" next Wednesday at my morph scan.
Like many of you, I can't stop thinking about ways my sway failed. I think I was just too much of a control freak with the temping and OPKs - though I'd love to blame the full moon that I ovulated on as well! So if I get a next time, I won't be doing that, I'll just be taking each step as it comes. DH told me yesterday that he hasn't actually ruled out a third baby even though he's always been adamant that two is the limit, so there's a glimmer of hope for a girl in the future. I'm considering doing all the reading into another sway while pregnant to lower the stress levels next time.
2lovelyboys, I'm doing the same thing but the worst bit is that I didn't get my potty shot because I had a choice of two pictures and I was so devastated that I didn't want the reminder. So I'm going by memory. It's probably a good thing I don't have the picture, I'd be driving myself insane.
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Last song, I'm also reading up in preparation for a potential sway, when would you be swaying if you decided to get back on this crazy train? I notice your boys will be close in age like mine. I wonder sometimes if I'm being selfish thinking about another sway, should I just leave it or Nwobhm and concentrate on this little one .......hmmmmm! Like you tho I think if I get the preparation in now then there would be less need for stress and control later .....
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Oh yes, mine will be a month closer than yours. I don't think I'd start swaying again until end of 2014/start of 2015 but I just think it'd be better for the sway if I'm not stressing over it. I feel a little guilty thinking about the future so soon too but I don't want a big gap between any of my kids.
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Hi Lastsong,
Hope your little boy's birthday went well! I'm glad that you've come to terms with your second little boy. Brother's are amazing and I'm so glad that I gave ds1 such a fantastic playmate in ds2 even though I struggled with GD when he was born & ever since. I'm planning my next sway too but as I'm hoping for a vba2c I'm just praying that nothing drastic goes wrong preventing me from conceiving in the future. I'm stuck between a rock & hard place as if I have another c-section it really limits me, whereas with a vba2c there is a tiny risk of uterine rupture around 0.9% but that's not the figure for drastic total ruptures, both those & the more minor dehiscence of the scar together. It's still a risk, but my risk of a hysterectomy is much higher with a 3rd section! So not only am I dealing with GD, but this worry too. :sigh:
Not had a great day today, ran into some friends in the library who've heard through the grapevine about ds3. One was very matter-of-fact about it and said 'well it's not dial-a-baby' and that she thought as soon as I saw him on the scan all the thoughts of a baby girl would've flown out of the window. Little does she know. I just don't want to see anyone and hear their opinions just now. If they can't be excited and positive about him then they can Foxtrot Oscar!! It just fuels my GD and makes me feel like an even bigger failure as everyone knew how much I wanted a DD. I've learned a huge lesson not to open my mouth about anything so sensitive in the future. The trouble is DH really doesn't get it and gets angry with me. He says that it's pathetic and I should be grateful for what I have, two healthy boys. It just offends him. Whether he feels a tiny bit guilty I really don't know, perhaps not, I just feel soooo alone!! If only he was in my corner, it would be a lot easier. I wonder if his attitude stems from his own mum who had 4 boys and always wanted a girl? I can understand that, but then it'd be nice if he could try to see it from my point of view instead of taking offense. I'm so glad that we're trying to move town at the moment and I can leave all the town gossips behind. I was doing really well over the last few days, but it is seeing these so-called friends and acquaintances that make me feel awful. I hate to think what they're saying behind my back, no doubt they're all having a good laugh at my expense. That cuts likes a knife as I'm sure you'll understand.
I'm also worrying that I won't be able to get my hands on Clomid again and I worry that with one failure using it I won't have any chance at all. Irrational I know as lots of other things come into play, Clomid's no magic bullet. 2LB, I'm following your exercise thread and really want to do it next time. I think it's a great asset to a sway. Lastsong, I know that my absolute bloody-mindedness & control-freak attitude was probably my biggest downfall. How do you manage to find a mid-way between that and a relaxed sway??!! Part of me feels that I should just relax next time and not try & control everything. I think that if I find peace with being a boy mum and expect ds4, maybe that'll help. Despite my sway taking ages, I still had the attitude that if I did everything completely right it would work. That only works in an exam hall!!The only trouble is the big control-freak in me panics at the thought of not doing a sway perfectly and super-strict! I know I fit Atomic's description of a 'kitchen-sink sway' perfectly. The thought of just leaving it all to chance freaks me out though! How do you find peace with all of the conflicting feelings?
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Oh, I just wanted to share one thought of why having sons in my life always makes me smile - I can guarantee that my mum NEVER found Action Man hanging from her washing line!! She had me & my sis, btw. :wink:
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Dream that made me chuckle, action man on your washing line :), I had Thomas the Tank Engine down the toilet last week!
I understand what you mean about your DH, mine is the same, he is also from a family of boys! He doesn't understand the need/ want of a DD I even mentioned the possibility of HT but that's a definite no no, think he thinks I'm ungrateful, how do you explain that you love your boys, would never swap them but there is this dream/desire/pull almost need of wanting a DD?
I'm enjoying the exercise at the moment, nothing strenuous, all low intensity but I think it's helping me with my GD, if I can't be a girl mum then I will be a yummy boy mum :) hee hee
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Ladies, take it from me.... having your DH not only understand your GD, but feel the exact same way is a double edge sword! His GD has actually fueled mine. He was talking about #4 and I was barely 4 months pregnant with this one. I just kept thinking "ARE YOU FING CRAZY!!!" I haven't even given birth to this one yet and you're planning on knocking me up again?!! haha
Seriously though, it's nice that he understands my want for a DD, but sincerely bad that he feels the same way. In a lot of ways, it made me feel like an even bigger failure that I couldn't give him what he wanted... think about that one for a bit.
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Charlee, totally understand where you are coming from. OH is very, very happy with another boy, but I do know that he would have loved a girl himself and I know seeing me upset for not being able to give me what I want is very hard for him to see too.
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Thomas down the loo?! Never good....ds1 is still in love with Thomas the tank & it's been his passion since he was 18 months old! Ds2 likes Action Men but has never been passionate about any one particular thing. However he does like to hang the men by their hands alongside my washing and I must admit they do look pretty cool up there!
So glad to hear that the exercise is helping you. I thought it was just my dh who was happy with only boys, he has no interest in a dd!! I tend to see him having sons as a big gift to him to right the wrongs that his extremely inadequate Dad has made throughout his life. We have no contact with him anymore as he's a sociopathic w*nker & was trying to teach our boys that all that matters in life is money among plenty of other things too. Thankfully dh had no contact with him between the ages of 3-15 and it's only ever been as a now & again Dad anyway. Dh is nothing like his Dad & is amazing with our boys. I just hope that 3 boys to father brilliantly is enough & I get a turn next! Lol!
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Charlee, your right that is a double edged sword! At least I'm only dealing with my own disappointment, not sure how I'd cope if I was dealing with it for 2 of us!
