Dreaming Pink Opposites Due Winter 2013/14

Hi everyone! May I join? Found out Friday through MaterniT21 that I am having my fourth boy (!!). I have had a rough time, but I'm *beginning* to feel a tiny bit better. I know it's only been 4 days, but I have been just completely and utterly devastated. Those of you on the other 2 due date threads know my story...I won't go into details here, but really felt that this one would be a girl. Barely considered the possibility of another boy until AFTER I was pregnant, due to my sway and feeling that God had promised me a girl. (Feel free to read my sway for an idea of what I'm talking about.)

DH is completely supportive, and also believes God promised me a girl, and is therefore willing (money is no object, according to him) to do what it takes to get our girl...adoption, HT (I think, have mentioned it to him before), or trying again on our own. Says, who is he to stand in the way of God fulfilling His promise to me? He amazes me. I am unsure of how I feel about another, as I am having a hard time managing my 3 boys at the moment...mostly because it's the end of the summer, and my DS1 doesn't start school till Sept. (new school, so they're still finishing the building). DS2 just started preschool last week, and that is helping. Also, DH is working lots of hours, and I am just DONE with the being at home with all 3 all day long. I know things will improve when both older boys are in school, but right now it's fueling my GD.

Anyway, I read through this entire thread, and I have to say it has been so encouraging! I love hearing all your stories and concerns about another boy, etc., etc. I could absolutely write some of your posts! It's encouraging to see those of you who found out awhile ago starting to feel better and having mostly good days. Looking forward to when I get there!

I told my parents tonight (they didn't even know I am pg, they live across the country). They have 9 grandkids, only 1 girl. So I KNOW they would love another granddaughter. BUT, they were amazingly supportive and encouraging. Said they are very excited to meet this little guy, and he must be so special and meant for our family! I am feeling much better after talking with them...I must have been subconsciously very worried about how they would react. Obviously shouldn't have been!

Anyway, will start doing personals very soon, but thanks for letting me introduce myself. And again, I am already encouraged by all your posts...feels great to not be so alone!

Meeks, no worries about gate crashing :). Your post made me chuckle! Although my little ones are still very young they are definitely boys! We have all sorts of toys in our house including push chair and doll however they boys automatically wander towards the cars/fire engines/balls and spend hours throwing, crashing making neeee nawwww noises and I spend hours telling them to stop throwing, stop crashing, play nicely ....... Oh and over the past few weeks I have found Thomas the Tank engine and a couple of cars down the toilet!!! BOYS!!! Gotta love them though :)

Rainbow girl, good to see you hear! So much easier to talk about your feelings here as everyone is in the same boat! Your DH really does sound fantastic! My DH wouldn't go for HT although I have broached the subject, he thins it should all be left to fate and what will be will be! I found your post (yesterday I think) about your possible ideas and plans to sway again, a whoopsie pregnancy, really interesting, I think that is the way I will go..... Been thinking about it a lot recently. Yours are very close in age like mine :) So glad you were able to talk to your parents, sounds like you have a lot of good support!

I am really looking forward to DS3 now, can't wait to meet him, my boys were playing soooooo nicely yesterday and I could visualise 3 of them together! Still having bad days although they are fewer and far between they seem to hit me harder than before? Hmm?

Charlee, hope you are managing to get some rest! Hope your u/s goes well, keep us posted!

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Originally Posted by 2lovelyboys

Meeks, no worries about gate crashing :). Your post made me chuckle! Although my little ones are still very young they are definitely boys! We have all sorts of toys in our house including push chair and doll however they boys automatically wander towards the cars/fire engines/balls and spend hours throwing, crashing making neeee nawwww noises and I spend hours telling them to stop throwing, stop crashing, play nicely ....... Oh and over the past few weeks I have found Thomas the Tank engine and a couple of cars down the toilet!!! BOYS!!! Gotta love them though :)

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^^^ this, makes me feel SO much better after the day I've had. It was a particularity naughty whingey day today in our house and I spent almost every moment disciplining. One of those days where you feel they will never be good again and it's all a lost cause. Ds1 is a massive challenge for us. But it's winter and we can't get outside much which is his haven.

Meeks I'm really glad you posted this cos I am having the WORST time with my two just now. DS1 especially is being unbearable. He has just gone back to school, started his second year of primary, and I hoped that the routine would be good for his behaviour at home but he just comes home and starts kicking off. He starts by screaming at me when I tell him to change his clothes, then he will screech at his brother and hit him every time DS2 does anything remotely annoying.

DS2 just ignores me, so every time I ask him to do anything he literally just carries on like he can't hear me, but I know he can. As a result I literally spend EVERY day screaming and fighting with them. I hate to use the word respect like they owe me it for nothing, but they have no respect for me or what I say at all.

DH has had countless chats with them about behaving for me, not winding me up cos it's not good for the baby but it goes in one ear and out the other. Tonight i ended up crying in the bathroom for half an hour. It just feels so desperately unfair that I should have it so much harder than those with one or more girls. My friends who have both genders have much calmer and better behaved boys, my two seem to fuel each others wildness. My sister (girl mum) and my mum (4-girl mum) tell me all these strategies I should be using but they don't know what it's like on a day to day basis to have this constant struggle with them. I can't remember ever screaming in my mums face that I hated her at the age of 6?! I would NEVER have talked to my dad the way my boys talk to their dad. Maybe that's a good thing, they aren't frightened of us - not that I was frightened of my dad, but I had a healthy respect for him and didn't want to get into trouble. My boys don't seem to care if they get into trouble.

I tell myself all the time that this is just what boys are like, but I am so frightened that I have done this to them, I have made DS1 into a hot tempered screaming nightmare because he sees me lose my temper with him, his brother, the computer etc etc all the time and he's just learnt to copy my behaviour. I was so stressed with PND when he was born, I think he's absorbed it all and I've created this monster.

DS2 just doesn't care about his behaviour or getting into trouble at all. I am just so tired, I can't believe that I am going to have another one, who will feed off the older two and together, they'll create even more havoc than I have now. And I'll probably ruin him too. I wish I could go back to the start and have another chance at raising them without this constant anger that seems to pervade our lives all the time. If its not the boys yelling, it's DH and me. Sometimes we laugh about how loud a household we are, but tonight it just worries me terribly.

Not a good day, and it's my 9th wedding anniversary too. Happy anniversary DH - you'd have been better staying at the office! Poor guy.

Sorry to moan. Hope you're all doing ok?

Welcome myrainbowgirl, this is a great thread - when I'm not depressing everyone with my tales of woe! Lol!

Has anyone heard from Charlee? Really worried about her after her last post.

X

Emmy & Meeks, I'm sorry that your boys are giving you both such a hard time. I wish I could reassure you that that is just boys, but it's not in my experience :( My two are certainly no angels - they have their moments - but I do think maybe age has a role in it. Are you aware that boys go through a testosterone surge around the ages of 4 and 7? It's certainly been noticeable with ds1 as he's usually a very calm, caring quiet little boy. He'd always make his trains have big long conversations when he was little rather than 'boosh' one another. We've always joked that he should've been a girl & the way he looked so comfortable walking around with my mum's handbag on his shoulder this weekend made us all a little uneasy!

Ds2 on the other hand has always been a definite boy's boy but is a lot more openly affectionate than ds1. He prefers to 'boosh' things but is still very well behaved, generally. Neither have been to nursery or school, so I don't know if that makes any difference. I really don't think any daughter of ours would be any better behaved! We're lucky to get lots of compliments on their polite manner in public BUT equally they can be quite forward, which I think sometimes can come across as precocious!

I really really don't want to come across as a SMO-B (lol!) kids are always trying and just when you think you've got one stage in their lives sorted, they change!! We've just introduced a star chart to get them to help tidy up & behave well when we're at the supermarket. It does seem to work, but I loathe using reward charts as they need to understand what is appropriate without being rewarded for it. However, I do remember me & my sis driving my mum mad when out shopping. I guess it's just boring to kids and they naturally start to mess around.

Your kids will get easier & I am hoping that the change in family dynamics with a new addition will make a difference. I am so excited to see both of my boys bond with their new brother and can't wait to see how they all interact!

Emmy, Charlee posted on another thread - sorry, can't remember which one. I'll see if I can find it for you....x x x

Here's Charlee's update from earlier:

Okay back from the doctor.... she did an internal exam and found out I'm dialiated to 2 cm already, which is where the blood and mucous is most likely coming from. Since I'm already starting to dialiate, I'm now on partial bed rest. She would like for me to be on full bed rest but knows that I won't be able to do it, nor would I if I could! LOL.... stubborn as always!

Anyway, she scheduled an extensive in depth u/s at the hospital for me just to make sure baby is okay and placenta is fully attached. I should find out by tomorrow when the appt is. The needed a day to process the paperwork from my doctor before they would schedule me.

So all in all, it's better news than it could have been. Being at 2 cm this early is not a wonderful thing, but it's much better news than I could have had. I'm not contracting either so premature labor doesn't seem to be a concern. I'll know more after my u/s....

I really love that I have you ladies to talk to No one else IRL seems to fully understand the ups and downs of the joys of pregnancy LOL...

P.S. I left my doctor appt (after being told to be on partial bed rest, and took my boys to the beach... I am terrible!) haha

BTW, I hope you are resting plenty Charlee!! We want to see lots of gorgeous baby pictures from you.....in December..lol!!

Myrainbowgirl, welcome to the thread as much as I understand you not wanting to be here, we're happy to have you. We all wear a special badge of honour in this thread...:wink:

Emmy - Some of what you wrote sounds very familiar to me. My DS1 is my challenge...he is always pushing (anyone's) buttons, bullying his brothers, trying to control (EVERYTHING), and whining about something. It makes me INSANE. On the other hand, he is such a lover. He tells me he loves me at least 3-4 times a day, and loves to hug. (Awww.) But, I can't help but struggle seeing the good in all the bad. DS2 is my sweet pea. BUT, he just turned 4, and can certainly challenge us...like your DS2, he doesn't listen well at all, and does things on his OWN time table. But, generally, he is not overly selfish, is giving, and is honestly so smart and funny. But, he and his older brother fight ALL the time. (Mainly instigated by DS1.) DS3 is just a baby (15 months), but he has recently entered a phase that is tough. Throwing food, toys, climbing on furniture and playing with the blinds and lampshades, constantly dropping things loudly onto our wood floors. He is so stinkin' adorable physically, but I certainly don't enjoy this current phase. He does love me, though...he is a cuddler and kisser, which is so cute coming from a baby.

All that being said, my DS1 is starting school a month later than he normally would, because we enrolled him at a brand-new school whose building is still being completed. He would have gone to school Aug. 5th, but instead now he won't till Sept. 3rd. I am SO over the summer and ready for him to go back! DS2 started preschool last week, and that seems to be helping add a little more structure to our days (but only 2 days a week!). I had already been thinking (before we found out boy #4 on Friday) that there was no way I could handle another boy...they were/are driving me crazy! And then, BAM, it's a fourth boy. OMG. The pain, for so many reasons (handling another boy, losing the dream of a daughter, feeling betrayed by God {I don't anymore, but did at first}, the dealing with stupid comments from others, etc.) has been terrible. I have cried so much in the last few days...you are not alone!! I am so glad to hear you ladies' honesty about the difficulties of being a boy mom. We all must be extra special to have been given the task to raise these little men! I don't think many women could handle it!

Meeks - I feel your pain, too. UGH, boys can certainly be hard, huh?? I feel like I am rarely ever "fun" with them...don't even find their funny silliness particularly enjoyable sometimes. I am praying for grace to be a better mommy to them, and to try to embrace the phase of life we are in right now.

Dream - Your boys sound so sweet! You're doing a great job, mama! :) And yes, you are right...we all deserve a special badge of honor for dealing with our crazy little monkeys!

2lovelyboys - Sounds like you are making wonderful progress in dealing with GD! So awesome that you are getting so excited for DS3! Woohoo!

Speaking of getting excited, I am hoping that getting to do lots of clothes shopping will help! My other 3 boys were (mostly) warm weather babies, and this one is most definitely not. Plus, a lot of my newborn, 3 month, and 6 month clothes are reeallly worn out and stained due to all the reflux. So, looking forward to sorting through it all and only keeping the best and throwing out the rest! Will be fun to pretty much start over. :)

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Originally Posted by meeks32

omg sorry didnt realise this was in the opposites group, the new tapatalk app is so annoying not showing titles once you open a thread. SORRY I didnt mean to jump in on your space and talk gender... *running to hide*

Really, really sorry!

It must have come up in my feed because I commented on Charlee's thing yesterday.

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Meeks you are so funny! Its okay that you tell about gender here... that's all we ever talk about! Haha and you don't know FOR SIRE you're having a girl get, although I would bet my bottom dollar lol) But please don't feel like you can't post here... we're all in this together, remember? :)

Quick update again: my u/s appt is on the 28th which was the earliest they could schedule me. In the meantime I'm trying my best to stay down... we had a busy day (we bought a new car today) so I was running around all day, I had no choice! Once I got home the cramps and co tractions were so bad that I played down and slept for 2 hrs... dh took care of the boys and dinner... everything. He's not so bad sometimes :) LOL... I'm starting to worry about all this now.... I really don't want a preemie this early :(