Are you going to try for that boy?

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Originally Posted by NYFamilyOfFiveRoses

But being honest, you do not feel that you are giving them the satisfaction that you are not happy? And do you feel comfortable telling people you do not really know that? See I am not. I never want to give them the satisfaction to tell them that I am not happy. Like I feel who are they to get into my inner feelings about myself. You are brave. I would only admit my true feeling here on the forums or to my people I consider very, very close.

After you tell them what you said above, do you feel worse or better?

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Well that's just who I am, I'm honest. I know it's actually one thing people don't like about me, because I come across as a pessimist a lot. I'll admit I need to work more on showing when I'm happy just as much as when I'm not. But I don't hide or pretend anything unless it's necessary for good manners sake. I don't like when I know people are being fake. It bugs the crud out of me when people post fake feelings, like about being happy for someone when they aren't or telling someone how cute their ugly baby or kids are. I just choose not to reply.

I don't look at telling the truth as giving anyone satisfaction. Usually when I'm honest it makes people realize that maybe their comments were rude or too personal. Also it makes them realize that GD does exist and they need to be more thoughtful and sensitive. Never once has anyone told me that I'm a bad person for wanting a boy. They don't really feel sorry for me they just wish me luck if there's a next time, and thankfully don't make any more rude comments. They actually often change their tone and say something nice about my family or tell me about someone they know with all girls. I mean I'm not all depressed looking when I'm talking to them, they can see I'm happy and I love my kids and I take good care of them, but that it's just something missing in my life. Most everyone has something missing in their lives that they want that they don't hide. Why hide this from the world? I'm not embarrassed that I want a boy. Now I would never share with them that sometimes my Gender Desire leaks into the Gender Dissapointment realm when I'm pregnant. And that right now I'm worried that when this baby is born, if it's a girl, that I will still wish she was a boy.

Forgot to add- I usually feel kind of upset no matter what when someone brings up us having all girls and no boys with a rude comment. But I always feel better after when I say something honest and get a better reaction from them, than when I just walk away with the rude comment in my head bugging me and wishing I had said something. And it doesn't always have to be completely personal. Something simple like "Having a few of each probably would've been fun too, but this is what we were given. And the girls sure enjoy playing together."

I totally get it. I get that all the time. Honestly, why is it ok for someone to suggest there is something wrong with my family? It's like if I was obese and some random person asked me if I was going to lose weight. But, I have found on my own journey that when pregnant with DS3 and shortly after he was born I was most sensitive to it as I felt that my family was flawed. Now that I have found some peace within myself and I LOVE my 3 boys the comments don't bother me nearly as much. I still want a daughter to complete our family, but I wouldn't trade my 3 boys for the world and letting the comments roll off my shoulders has gotten easier. For the most part I don't think people mean anything when they say it. They are just making small talk and don't realize what a nerve it hits.

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Originally Posted by Lilac♥

Well that's just who I am, I'm honest. I know it's actually one thing people don't like about me, because I come across as a pessimist a lot. I'll admit I need to work more on showing when I'm happy just as much as when I'm not. But I don't hide or pretend anything unless it's necessary for good manners sake. I don't like when I know people are being fake. It bugs the crud out of me when people post fake feelings, like about being happy for someone when they aren't or telling someone how cute their ugly baby or kids are. I just choose not to reply.

I don't look at telling the truth as giving anyone satisfaction. Usually when I'm honest it makes people realize that maybe their comments were rude or too personal. Also it makes them realize that GD does exist and they need to be more thoughtful and sensitive. Never once has anyone told me that I'm a bad person for wanting a boy. They don't really feel sorry for me they just wish me luck if there's a next time, and thankfully don't make any more rude comments. They actually often change their tone and say something nice about my family or tell me about someone they know with all girls. I mean I'm not all depressed looking when I'm talking to them, they can see I'm happy and I love my kids and I take good care of them, but that it's just something missing in my life. Most everyone has something missing in their lives that they want that they don't hide. Why hide this from the world? I'm not embarrassed that I want a boy. Now I would never share with them that sometimes my Gender Desire leaks into the Gender Dissapointment realm when I'm pregnant. And that right now I'm worried that when this baby is born, if it's a girl, that I will still wish she was a boy.

Forgot to add- I usually feel kind of upset no matter what when someone brings up us having all girls and no boys with a rude comment. But I always feel better after when I say something honest and get a better reaction from them, than when I just walk away with the rude comment in my head bugging me and wishing I had said something. And it doesn't always have to be completely personal. Something simple like "Having a few of each probably would've been fun too, but this is what we were given. And the girls sure enjoy playing together."

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I see whatyou are saying. Sometimes I come out and say the truth, but last time I did that I felt worse. I told my friend's sister in law after she said to me oh all girls. All the girls or something like that. Then she told me at her job she told a father that had all boys if there were any more and he told her yes one is at home.

So I told her "I said you know something when I was pregnant, I almost wanted to abort because this was another girl". Then she said "oh you have 3 beautiful girls" Then I said why do most want both. I played dumb. Then she said well usually 1 and 1 or 2 and 1. So I opened my huge big mouth and said that I wanted to try to save for pgd but it does not always work and many have exhausted all their funds on it. Then she said if you want to do it then do it. So after all that I was like "dam why did I tell her all that WHY". But I know her for a lot of years. I know her since my 1st which is 8 years old. So I had too much trouble trying to play it off to her. I was even so shocked that her of all people said that.

But I guess for me I just can never come out and say my true inner feelings to say people at the preschool, public school or in stores etc. So I usually say like last time "I am done". Or "we went into it knowing it can be a boy or a girl". "we are very happy". And this is the truth that I always say "my husband is fine with all girls". Really my husband would be happy with 5 girls. But I am telling you that I am the one with the GD because I wanted a boy from #1.

So like that episode at the school when the mom told me "Oh are you going to try for that girl". I really wanted to say f-c- you. Or what business is it of yours. I guess it is also the feeling I get of the person saying it. This particular mother I do not like. I saw her another time at the Thanksgiving show and she came across obnoxious.

Like for instance the grandmother that I hang out with that speaks little English said to me "Oh one boy for you". I just smiled at her and said "we are happy and I giggled".

When her daughter asked me at my daughter's party "oh will you try for a boy". With her I said I do not think so then I said to her "I may try for another when I am 40 years old". But with her I just got that feeling that she was asking in a curious way not a competitive or vicous sought of way. So it also depends who it is coming from and if I know them good or how the tone of voice is etc. I try to make my best judgement when I answer back.

I think next time I am going to try to just "not answer" and ignore. Like one person said silence is a killer.

Hope I did not ramble too much and I really enjoy talking with you and others on how you handle the situation. It makes me see things from different sought of perspectives.

Your girls much be beautiful. Are you pregnant now? Good luck to you.

These types of comments always grate on my nerves. DD is now 6 months old and I just had a stranger ask me, "so did you just get pg and have a 3rd only to get a girl ?". Um, you dumb ass, that is exactly what I did, I walked into the local walmart and placed my order for her so I would be certain she would in fact be a girl and then waited for her to come in the mail!! Yeah, I knew before hand she would be a girl so that is the only reason I got pg.....Some people are just so freaking stupid and ignorant!! These kinds of comments really strike a nerve in me, especially since it took 14 months to get pg naturally combined with the disastrous failure I was at high tech. Having a 3rd child period was the biggest blessing to me.

I also wanted to add that I think you have a lovely family and that people just don't stop and think before speaking.

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Originally Posted by prettyinpink18

These types of comments always grate on my nerves. DD is now 6 months old and I just had a stranger ask me, "so did you just get pg and have a 3rd only to get a girl ?". Um, you dumb ass, that is exactly what I did, I walked into the local walmart and placed my order for her so I would be certain she would in fact be a girl and then waited for her to come in the mail!! Yeah, I knew before hand she would be a girl so that is the only reason I got pg.....Some people are just so freaking stupid and ignorant!! These kinds of comments really strike a nerve in me, especially since it took 14 months to get pg naturally combined with the disastrous failure I was at high tech. Having a 3rd child period was the biggest blessing to me.

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Thanks so much. I love what you said about putting the order in in Walmart. I would definately use that one if I had a boy. A Mom at the school is expecting a son after 2 daughter's and she told me that her family said "Oh finally". I even heard another Mom comment to her and say "finally a boy". I mean WTF? This same Mom said to me "oh are you going to try for the boy". So I think it is how that person is and even without those comments I would realize that I do not like that person for other reasons either.

Like one lady said to me "God bless you". And I knew that she was genuinely just a nice person.

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Originally Posted by prettyinpink18

I also wanted to add that I think you have a lovely family and that people just don't stop and think before speaking.

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Thanks so much. SWeet!!!!! You have a GrEaT FAmilY yourself!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm the same as you. My husband would be happy with 5 girls. But I have wanted a boy from my 1st.

I am pregnant right now, due in July. Will find out on Valentine's Day what I'm having.

My biggest pet peeve on my due date forum is people saying "I finally got my boy!" or "I hope I finally get my boy!" And I'm like "Finally huh, just how many girls do you have, oh only 1 or 2? You have no idea!" I just get jealous and feel like they don't deserve to have a boy when I've had more kids and have been waiting longer!

I agree totally that it is how they say it that matters. Some people are jerks and they mean to be jerks. Some people say stuff because they really DO want it for you and actually understand and are on your side. It's a very different feeling.

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

I agree totally that it is how they say it that matters. Some people are jerks and they mean to be jerks. Some people say stuff because they really DO want it for you and actually understand and are on your side. It's a very different feeling.

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Yes, definately. Today I went to my Dr. and saw my old babysitter and she knew that I had a 3rd daughter. She just said 3 girls and not in a mean way at all. So the tone definately matters.