Am I an awful person??

I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. My heart aches just at the thought of a loss so late, never mind actually going through it. I'm sure the pain must be unimaginable.

Please, give yourself a break. It's ok to grieve, it doesn't make you a terrible person to feel resentment at your cousin's good luck. Our dream gender is just that, our dreams....and coming close and losing it must be so incredibly hard to deal with.

I echo that I hope you can continue to get therapy/counselling to deal with your loss and have some closure. Time and distance will help eventually.

I hope your family is understanding. You are NOT a terrible person, you are an injured and grieving one and that's perfectly okay. Remember that you can think anything you want, you can't control your thoughts, but you can control your actions. As long as you refrain from saying anything resentful or nasty to your cousin, you're doing fine. Is this celebratory stuff on FB? If so, it's probably better for you to just back off FB or block your cousin/family's pages for awhile. Try to remind yourself that your cousin doesn't mean ill-will towards you nor does she intend to rub your face in it, I'm sure, it's just natural for her to celebrate her own good news. Which hurts like hell for you I know. :(

I'm reminded of a Sex and the City episode, the episode where Charlotte finally gets pregnant, but tragically miscarries right on the eve of Miranda's baby's first birthday party. That episode always makes me cry.

Hugs to you, and I hope you'll feel better soon and excited about your own new baby! Hormones are some crazy sh!t too, don't discount the effect they can have on your emotions.

Honestly that's the hard part. No one in person understands why its been especially hard with the whole gender thing (girl after 2 boys) so luckily I have gender dreaming! Not even my best friend. She tries but she just doesn't get it. She has a dd and Ds.
I have my gender scan today and I haven't even told her.

Also it happened in may. After a couple months people tend to expect you to be over it. So I just don't mention it.

Sweetheart, you must talk about it if you feel the need. Don't block it in or lock it out - if you must, then write it on here!! But don't try not to talk about it just because of other peoples perceptions and notions. The only way you can change their attitudes is by actively encouraging them to talk about it - especially if you feel the need to talk about it.

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Originally Posted by spinningmadly

Honestly that's the hard part. No one in person understands why its been especially hard with the whole gender thing (girl after 2 boys) so luckily I have gender dreaming! Not even my best friend. She tries but she just doesn't get it. She has a dd and Ds.
I have my gender scan today and I haven't even told her.

Also it happened in may. After a couple months people tend to expect you to be over it. So I just don't mention it.

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I honestly think you have no idea until it happens to you. My g/f had a m/c a couple of years ago at 8 weeks, and looking back I was a bit of a jerk. When I m/c in October a couple of friends were in the midst of planning a Vegas vacation, and they just would NOT let up...they totally did NOT get it. In fact, at the time, I think the only person who understood me...was YOU spinning!

Aww anchor .. I'm really glad I gave you some support.
That is the one positive thing, I feel like I can now understand and help other people going through it!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by spinningmadly

Honestly that's the hard part. No one in person understands why its been especially hard with the whole gender thing (girl after 2 boys) so luckily I have gender dreaming! Not even my best friend. She tries but she just doesn't get it. She has a dd and Ds.
I have my gender scan today and I haven't even told her.

Also it happened in may. After a couple months people tend to expect you to be over it. So I just don't mention it.

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Tiggern has a good point here, don't keep quiet because you think people expect you to be over it, what if they want talk but dont know how to bring it up? perhaps they just don't want to bring it up in case they upset you? Or maybe they think you are over it and don't bring it up for that reason. or because they are trying to be sensitive to your new pregnancy. If you feel it, speak it. People can only help if you let them in.

Of course that's much easier said than done, and we are always here if you need. It helps we all get the gender part I'm sure. I just hope we can all support you in any way you need.

Hugs

In my experience that is certainly the case. Most people don't know HOW to approach the subject of my daughter and most people always apologise a trillion times before getting to the point. In the beginning I couldn't talk about it without crying and of course that made some people uncomfortable. But as the years have gone by (7 years) I always try to make people feel at ease - she is my child, just like my sons are and I don't mind speaking about her or her death. It's part of me, my life, my personality and has shaped my future a lot.

The only way to break the taboo is by making sure you do talk about it, that it becomes normal to speak about it. Yes you had a daughter, yes you lost her - but that doesn't mean you shouldn't talk about her and miss her and grieve for her together with those nearest and dearest to you.

No your not, I lost my son at 19 weeks and I don't want "another baby" boy or girl I want HIM back. There is nothing wrong with that your not aweful. I think it is totally normal and to have feelings towards others pregnancy and their exceitment = normal, when your been trough such a tuff time and you know very well it really is not that simple for "us" to enjoy good news any news any more regarding pregnancys. I have joined a ttc rainbow baby forums on any regular site might help it does for me. People going trough the same emotions and dealing with the same issues it really does help talking it trough with them! Your about the same gestation you are when you lost your angel by your siggy, all this all the emotions are going to come floding back in + hormones be easy on yourself. Your still healing remember. Take one day at a time and make sure you let your grief out as well. You are not an aweful person.