Printable View
Well, as there is no guarantee of a perfect mother-daughter relationship (have you seen Kailyn or Janelle on teen mom 2?) I always wanted to raise both genders. DH keeps saying, " I don't understand, you are getting your third kid, you shouldn't care about the gender." Then I feel bad for even voicing my opinion to him.
I honestly thought DH didn't "get it" when it came to my desire for a DD. Then on Monday at our anatomy scan when we found out we were expecting DS3, I looked up and he had tears in his eyes and looked just crushed. Turns out he wanted a little girl too. I think sometimes guys don't want to act like they want a daughter, but deep down they do...
[QUOTE= DH keeps saying, " I don't understand, you are getting your third kid, you shouldn't care about the gender." Then I feel bad for even voicing my opinion to him.[/QUOTE]
I hate this most of all, being told that I shouldn't feel the feelings I do. It feels so disrespectful and hurtful.
My DH did not get it at all and I think it really negatively affected our marriage. I won't get into the details but lets just say after my DD was born we ended up in counselling. But fast forward a year, not only does he get it, he now wants 4 more children and would like 3 of them to be...girls! So he is going to sway with me. I think it's really hard for some men.
Mine doesn't get it, and I want a boy. He says he's totally indifferent to gender. We have four girls--two singletons first. Then I had to beg and plead for years to try for number three and we got...two more girls.
He's digging his heels in at this point and saying that is it. And at my age, adoption is more or less the only option anyway. Ladies, don't leave it until too late, and never, ever give up. To be facing menopause without the dear son I've dreamed of all my life is really almost more than I can bear.
It's breaking our marriage apart, too. I made the mistake of marrying someone younger by 8 years, and he has 0 idea what it feels like to be facing the end of my fertility without the child I wanted.
I am so sorry!! I have a feeling I will be in your same situation here soon. Is your DH open to adoption. Mine isn't and that is a sore spot with me also!!Quote:
Originally Posted by 4devochki
No, he says adoption is his "absolute least preferred option." Which means no way in h-ll.
When he's feeling generous, he says he "might" be willing to consider donor egg/surrogate...but the combination feels way too weird to me (no offense to my fellow oldies, please!). And then he has a bad day and tells me to just forget it...sigh.
I'm still investigating donor egg clinics that offer GS and trying to get my weight/bp down to make it a feasible solution, hoping he changes his mind. But if it doesn't happen in the next 6 months, I'm going to have to be realistic and call it quits.
This really spoke to me. I'm in my late 30's, DH is in his early 40's, and I raised the idea of seriously going HT with him about a month ago. I didn't ask for an answer right away - I'm myself still on the fence about it too - and he didn't say no or yes. We only ever wanted 2 kids and it was only after our 2nd was born (team green) that I realized how much I wanted my DG. A 3rd will be a total change in our plans, and possibly in my career, which is a lucrative one I've worked toward for over a decade. But something tells me we can make a 3rd kid work and I should push this with him - gently for now - until he agrees. If in 5 years I can no longer have kids, I think I'll regret it forever.Quote:
Originally Posted by 4devochki
Mine does want a daughter, but I don't think he gets just how much I do. But then I haven't made a big deal of it to him either. If I mention it being a boy he says his sure its a girl. If I say "I've had enough boy stuff" he says well thats my fault you know I only make boys. If I say about only having boys he makes a joke about football teams. He doesn't understand that it was him going on about having a girl each time, and him always using the name we picked out for DS1 if he had been a girl when telling me the baby is a girl (which he did with all 3 as well) his confidence that we would get a girl that made me want one! Now he acts like his not bothered!