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I can only offer advice from the side of the big family and its that, there will be things that your children will miss out on or that will become more awkward with the larger family but what the extra person brings instead is to me so much more:) Our friends over the road are taking their 2 children to Florida this year (we're UK) and this I know will be amazing!!! But when my other children (we will soon have 10) come home from school every night they go straight to the baby and all of their faces light up and we all laugh at what ever funny things he is doing that day, so if I was to weigh up 2 great weeks on holiday or having their faces light up every day then I chose the daily laughter lol:) Your boys would adore their little sister and the new dynamic she would bring, she would help teach them things especially when moving around like responsibility and family sticking together which I know they will have any way but a little extra always helps;):bigsmile:
You sound like a very sensible person, how about giving HT one shot and if she arrives you know shes meant to be and if its unsuccesful you can close the book and say 'This is my family!!' and look forward to the future, then if in the fiture things become more home based again you will be familiar with the HT route and may even go back for another go. Best of luck:)
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I feel like I could have written your post. I also have three boys - ages 10, 7, 4. I also am the type of person who *mostly* falls into line with what I'm 'supposed' to do (btw - hubby was happy with two, had to talk him into three, let alone a fourth!). But on this one, I just couldn't. Like you, I also try to minimize my regrets. We went HT for a girl bc we wanted the guarantee. After two failed cycles, we closed the door on that chapter. And yet... I still couldn't let go. I saw so many people around me who seemed to have tried for that one last baby - and get it - that I just couldn't drop it. And, since we were willing to have four kids (with HT), it seemed that we could have four kids without HT too. It was HUGE gamble and lucky for us it paid off. We didn't find out until very late in the pregnancy what we were having. It was difficult not knowing, but it kept me a little sane. Finally, I relented to finding out when I had just about six weeks to go. I figured if it was a boy, it was good to find out ahead of time and make peace. Also, I wasn't going to tell anyone that I knew if I felt I couldn't handle it - it would buy me time to put on my happy face.
It's hard to say how my life would be if this was boy #4. I'm sure it would have been a bitter pill to swallow. But then again, there would be positively NO regrets and I was fairly certain that I'd rather have four boys (and in time come to accept my family make up) than live with the regret that I didn't try one more time to have a daughter. I'm 40 now, so this really was the end of the line. Now that I have her, even though four is a lot of work, I feel a level of peace and contentment that I had been searching for.
One more thing - I felt bitter about having three boys. So many of my friends had PP and stopped at two. And here I was, still going through diapers and nap times, and I STILL didn't have a girl to show for it. I thought that even if I had a girl, I would still feel bitter that I had to have this big family in order to get her. And happily, the bitterness just melted away! I adore having a big family now (I come from a family of five, so I'm fortunate that having a big family is treasured in my family - my husband, one of just two, had a lot more doubts on this front). And if anything, I look at my third boy and see him as a gift that gd brought me. I do feel like I went through a very dark tunnel for a long time, and now I am emerging from that darkness and it feels great.
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I never had a number in my head as to how many children I would have. I just had my 5th three months ago. I wanted a girl and got her after 2 ds's. And then I wanted to give her a sister and went on to have 2 more ds's...lol. My family is now complete but if my husband came to me and said he wanted another (that would NEVER happen) I'd go for one more in a heartbeat!!
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I have 3 boys and am currently 9 days from my due date with baby 4 sexy unknown .... We swayed and if it doesn't work that's it dream gone .... If we could afford ht we would like a shot but sadly for us it's not an option - if u can do it unsay go for it - u will always regret it if I don't
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I have always wanted 3 children (but that's before I knew how much hard work they were!). If I don't get my DD with number 3 I just wouldn't be able to cope with a fourth so will just have to find the strength to get over my disappointment and enjoy being boy mum! :happy:
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As much as I would love to have a boy I just wont, because 3 is all I ever wanted & besides im 39 not that the age is too old cause I know a few mums to be who are in their early 40's, but me personally I feel its not right for me to have anymore.
If you feel you can handle having 4 children then I say go for it, cause I totally understand why you desire a daughter.
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We went from wanting 0 kids to having 1 DS..and now I want another one - My hubby just agreed to be on board with the baby #2 plan lol
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Dh and I always wanted at least 2 or 3 kids, but after dd1 was born he really didn't want more. I convinced him to have another and we got pg with dd2 our first month trying. When I found out dd2 was a girl, I was upset because I knew dh would be against having 3 kids eventhough we had discussed it before we got married. When dd2 turned 1, I tried again to convince him to have baby #3, and he was really reluctant. It wasn't until a few months later he had agreed try to have another child. We are still ttc#3, its been harder than either of us thought it would be. With that being said, I do believe 3 is our limit. Financially supporting 3 kiddos will be very interesting and probably stressfull. If I ever get pg with #3, and it is a girl, I might try to discuss ht with dh, but I am not sure if we could afford 3 kids and ht for a 4th. If money was not an issue and I could be a stay at home mom, I think more than 3 would be feasable, but given our current circumstances I highly doubt more than 3 will happen, but who knows what our future holds.
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I have two lovely boys and currently pregnant but not sure on sex yet. I would of been happy with two but have now gone to three. I think if this is another boy then that will be it, however if I could afford HT then I would have a 4th without a doubt.
For some GD disappears but for others it won't, I think you need to think if another 2/3 years down the line will you still be feeling the same but then your chances are slimming down?!
Good luck xx
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I would totally revise my number if I had the means to go HT.
In my family, it was always preached to have 1 child so as to give them the best of everything. The preferred gender was girl. Well, everyone in my family managed to pull off having just one girl, except me. When my son came along, he was the first boy in my family born in 30 years.
So, for awhile I struggled with the empty hole in my heart for a daughter and the way I was raised that an only child was optimal.
Finally, I threw out my preconceived number and conceived another child instead LOL. I am pregnant with my daughter now, due Jan. 18.
Throwing out my number was so worth it. And for what it's worth, if it was a boy I would go HT and make a girl for baby #3. Life's too short not to realize your dreams, especially if you have the means to achieve them.
