Feels like everyone favors girls....

I think the saying is crap too. My brother talks to my mom (who lives 2 hours from him and 25 minutes from me) more than I do. He texts her every single night and chats about the day. He loves on her and adores her. He is in a serious long-term relationship, so it's not like he doesn't have a significant other. But he loves his mom. I also love my mom, but I am crazy-independent and can go for days without talking to her. We can relate on some regards, naturally. But I think that both of my brothers relate to her on similar levels. My dad is also very close to his mom. And one of his three sisters is totally out of the picture. She is flighty and flaky and doesn't really interact with her parents at all.

I do truly believe it has to do with your parenting and your children's personalities. Sure, some boys disappear a bit when they get married. But the same is true for some girls (my aunts two sons both live close to her and visit constantly, her daughter lives 500 miles away and they only see each other two times a year). I don't think there is an across the board on this one. You may have a daughter who hates you (sorry, it's true, for anyone!). You may have a son who thinks you hung the moon. Your daughter may be a transgender and decide to live as a man (happened to Cher). Your son might not marry and stay close to you his entire life. All of your kids could move 300 miles away.

There are no guarantees. It's all a gamble. A gamble of personalities and life experiences and relationships. I don't think that all-boy moms are doomed. At all. I think they are blessed in lots of ways. My grandma "gained" a daughter when my dad married my mom. My mom was motherless by the time she was 20. And my grandma totally stepped in and they love each other like biological mother-and-daughter. In fact, my moms MIL (my grandma) saw me be born :) And that was the only birth she experienced. Even though she has three daughters.

I guess I am lucky and have tons of real life examples of the variables of gender and how it plays out in families. I never truly feared not having a daughter. Sure, I wanted one (duh, otherwise I wouldn't be here and wouldn't have swayed). But I don't think I ever felt that my life would be less blessed without one. And I do think that these people who act like their daughters are the best, at the expense of their sons, created that dynamic. They pushed their sons aside and it became a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Sons are sons for life. Some are closer than others. But that is true no matter what.

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Originally Posted by Mrs_P

you know what some mil's are just horrid mine falls over backwards for my sil ans went on and on about how she'd have a daughter and give her the first granddaughter and how nice a girl would be in the family bring some balance, well she had a boy, i had the first girl but she still favours her daughters kids over mine, made no fuss over me having a girl and keeps going on that my sil will surely have a girl this time (she's just announced a bfp and waited until the day after my dd was born to do so!) and how nice it will be and you know what she will, my sil is one of those people she gets everything she wants.

i'm so fed of being compared to them, it makes me sad for mi kids that they are good enough til hers are around but i'm sick of letting it bother me - i have the family i wanted and my side of the family dote on my kids so they don't go without. whatever i do we won't be as good as them and i'm sick of trying. your mil is just picking something she knows is a sore spot and running with it, try to ignore her as long as you and your family are happy thats all that counts, yes a third of the same isn't easy but getting your dg may not please her either

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I can totally relate to you, both SIL and MIL are alike, and they are always together, and the favoring part is mutual. Her children are favored over all the other kids. It hurts. But FIL, DH and BIL are such nice persons. It is true that she has pushed them away and that is why she is soo good froends with her daughter.

What bothers me is why I am thinking about how to face them if I get another son. I know it is not worth it, and yes it is the spot :( she is telling people how her sons never will be blessed with a daughter, bcz they treated her so bad (which is just in her mind). And it has been" true" for her second son, he has 3 boys! I just dont want to see that grin on her face if we get another too :(

I know I should rather focus on my family instead of them, but cant avoid. My DS1 is amazing, he is a small grown up, so affectionate and sensitive. He loves me so much...So I hope our relationship cn be as strong when he is a grown up man. I believe too that it is all about parenting and how you raise the kids.

What matters is our kids personalities, not what is between their legs! I keep telling myself that ;)

Thank you all, your words give comfort, make sense and means a lot to me. So glad I found genderdreaming!

Xxxx

Im so sorry sweety you have to go through this....wish I could hug you...you sound like such a genuinely nice person...how can your mil be mean to you is beyond me. If its any help, Im really hoping and praying this little one is a boy so my son can get a brother and I can have someone to take care of me in old age. Yes , in our culture boys are always favored over girls because we know all boys have a special place in their hearts for their mumsies and also because we raise them in a way where they know that they will have to care for us always.

I'm definitely feeling the same at the moment - I was the last girl born in the family we have since had 14 boys on the trot including mine and more recently my nephew so I am definitely feeling the pressure to have a girl - also my mother in law only had sons and nephews so is desperate for a grand-daughter. I feel like I have everyone else's disappointment on my shoulders as well as my own.

I also feel everyone around me tends to favour girls as well. All my friends have girls and go on about how they couldn't possibly cope with a son (they are all on their first so one of them will probably have to) and the other day when picking my eldest up from nursery the mums were all going on about how much easier it is to have girls and how great all the pretty summer dresses are (they all have either PP or all girls). I actually think all these things are making my gender desire worse than what it would be.:sigh:

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Originally Posted by OnlyPraying

Im so sorry sweety you have to go through this....wish I could hug you...you sound like such a genuinely nice person...how can your mil be mean to you is beyond me. If its any help, Im really hoping and praying this little one is a boy so my son can get a brother and I can have someone to take care of me in old age. Yes , in our culture boys are always favored over girls because we know all boys have a special place in their hearts for their mumsies and also because we raise them in a way where they know that they will have to care for us always.

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Thank you for such kind words!
I am also from a culture where boys are favored and I was so happy that DS2 was a boy. But all of the sudden, my MIL generation has started favoring girls. They are so disappointed with there sons, because their expectation from their sons and DILs are skyhigh! NOTHING is good enough. And the expectations from their daughters are zero. At least that is what I experinced...

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Originally Posted by Everyonehasgirls

I'm definitely feeling the same at the moment - I was the last girl born in the family we have since had 14 boys on the trot including mine and more recently my nephew so I am definitely feeling the pressure to have a girl - also my mother in law only had sons and nephews so is desperate for a grand-daughter. I feel like I have everyone else's disappointment on my shoulders as well as my own.

I also feel everyone around me tends to favour girls as well. All my friends have girls and go on about how they couldn't possibly cope with a son (they are all on their first so one of them will probably have to) and the other day when picking my eldest up from nursery the mums were all going on about how much easier it is to have girls and how great all the pretty summer dresses are (they all have either PP or all girls). I actually think all these things are making my gender desire worse than what it would be.:sigh:

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That is what cuts me the most.....my only girl group makes the comments that slice to my core. I have chosen to find out gender, but they will only know it when he pops out!!! I will get a single comment on his arrival, a girl would be complimented for the next year, showered with gifts, etc. I am choosing to celebrate for this boy and be excited for him.....and if need be, will retract into being a winter hermit and savour him if they can't see what a blessing he is.

I hope that lady luck is on your side and you get to experience both genders!!!

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Originally Posted by I Love Ladybugs

That is what cuts me the most.....my only girl group makes the comments that slice to my core. I have chosen to find out gender, but they will only know it when he pops out!!! I will get a single comment on his arrival, a girl would be complimented for the next year, showered with gifts, etc. I am choosing to celebrate for this boy and be excited for him.....and if need be, will retract into being a winter hermit and savour him if they can't see what a blessing he is.

I hope that lady luck is on your side and you get to experience both genders!!!

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Thank you! And your 3rd boy will make his special place in your heart and be this wonderful lovely person that nobody can ignore regardless of gender!
3 of same gender is so much fun, we are 3 sisters and best friends forever. That is actually the only comfort I have, when Si think that I will end up with 3 boys. I really hope they can have the same as me and my sisters have.

Big hug
Xxx

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Originally Posted by Cauliflower

Thank you for such kind words!
I am also from a culture where boys are favored and I was so happy that DS2 was a boy. But all of the sudden, my MIL generation has started favoring girls. They are so disappointed with there sons, because their expectation from their sons and DILs are skyhigh! NOTHING is good enough. And the expectations from their daughters are zero. At least that is what I experinced...

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My pleasure dear, no need to thank me. I DEF know about never being good enough for the inlaws. In the end, all you can do is try your best, focus on your boys and compensate for the love and attention they are missing out from the inlaws, they will prefer you over them and you can laugh all the way to your sweet and caring son's homes when theyre all grown up. Chin up sis, like they say, Tigers don't lose sleep over what the sheep thinks ;)

I definitely, 100% agree, you raise people, not genders, and if we raise our boys well, they will stay in our lives more than if we fail them. I do also think that inevitably all kids get married or partnered up or move away so we probably need to deal with that at some point anyway. I do worry about one day being a MIL myself, and that I may not be the 'chosen' grandparent as priority. BUT I think I will be a better MIL exactly because I'm worried about how good I will be.

Its easy to get swept up in gender desire when its in the family and culture in which we live, for sure. I would love a girl to try at least one of each sex, and to experience the mother daughter bond, which is different to boys and their mums, not less, just different.

Anyone hearing that 'girls are better' and 'who wants a boy?" can come over to my house and live my life for a while.

I constantly hear how hard girls are....poor me and DH with 3 girls....are we ever going to try for a boy....and other such un-welcome comments!

And then their is MIL and FIL. They came into town last week...I am so used to their comments of "when are going to have a boy? or Why don't you have a boy??" I was floored when MIL didn't say anything when she had the chance.

I asked DH later and he said MIL started in on him when I was gone and he very sweetly told her that she was to keep those comments to herself.

DH was great and I was so impressed because I was completely expecting MIL to start in on me about not having a boy like she always does!!