gutted. thinking about options.

Your feelings really resonate with me because I considered termination when I found out I was pregnant with dd3. The minute I conceived the pregnancy I prayed every night that I would miscarry if it was a girl so I could try again for a boy. When I found out that it was another girl I sobbed my heart out and even got on the phone to abortion clinics to find out what cut off periods etc i had to be aware of. My husband was horrified. I could not help it, it was like mad grief had taken over. I was in denial most of the pregnancy and even when I gave birth I asked that they confirm the gender as I was hoping for something else. She is now three weeks old and my husband and I are struggling to name her. I love her, yes. But sometimes I find myself looking her face and I feel a tinge of sadness for the son I don't have. Hubby and I have briefly discussed having #4 but has told me that he can't go through it again with me if we find out it is another girl. Hi tech isn't an option because he doesn't believe it in. I am sure my love for this child will continue to grow, but I can't help but envy those who have boys.

I just want to say this thread broke my heart. I feel for you, really, I do. I can't even begin to understand how you feel. I have 3 boys, and twice I prayed to hear 'it's a girl' but it never came, but I honestly loved my boys regardless, never failing to bond, I was a bit sad I wasn't having my little girl, but I also knew in my heart things happen because they are meant to be and I was meant to have every single one of them, so there was a lot of acceptance of my part for whatever little life was there, I knew it would be welcome. I just couldn't read your post and not say anything, I wish I could give you some comfort and say that all will be well, to please focus on what's positive about this pregnancy and your family. I know there are stereotypes about boys and girls and yes, I always wanted to have a daughter so we could do girlie stuff, I guess I was lucky enough to have sons and share my taste in music and hobbies, so we still did lots together that I enjoyed, but it had to come from me to pull them into my world as well. I'm sorry you can't seem to find that with your boys. Please, don't take this as criticism because it's not meant that way, but maybe you do need some serious counselling or even a psychologist to learn to see things differently or adjust your expectations. You can't be in this pit of misery because you still have a family who depends on you and needs you. I'm sure your DH and your boys would feel much better if you could accept it and move forward. I am against judging tough decisions because only the one who makes them knows how much it hurts, and termination is an option, but how will that affect your relationship with DH? What about your relationship with your boys? Before doing anything I would definitely look for emotional support and counselling, someone who could help you change the negative way you see this pregnancy and even having your boys. In the end, GD is ALL in your mind, and that can be changed and re-shaped. I had psychological help for other issues in my life, including relationships and I didn't trust much some stranger would help me, but believe me, they do. Maybe you can even have medication to help you cope and assimilate, after all you sound depressed. Please, search for help and don't do anything you might regret later. My heart really aches for you and I pray you can find some light in the end of the tunnel. :heart:

This is a hard post to read and run from. So sorry you're feeling this way. I don't think there's anything anyone can say to make you feel better. I think we can all understand to a certain degree how you feel. I was angry when I found out ds3 was a boy. I just thought great, I'm pregnant, and for another boy! But he's just perfect. Things do change. You just need to allow youself to be angry right now.
As for the future, my mil is a bit of a selfish person. Not really maternal at all. She has 2 sons, one never sees her. She used to say to me my boys will grow up and I'll know how she feels...because 'I have just boys too'. But what a load of rubbish that is. Her boys don't see her often because she doesn't put any effort in. She said to me last week that I'll be ok now I'm having a daughter....as if I wouldn't be bothered about never seeing my sons now!! Crazy!! Of course I will be. I intend to be a cool mil so my sons wives want to spend time with us. I'll make sure we always have a relationship and so can you. You won't be left alone.
Being pregnant with all the extra hormones doesn't help either. They have a lot to answer for!
I really hope you start to feel better soon. Your situation is a tough one but you will feel better once he's here. X x

I am so terribly sorry you are going through this and feel like this. Please, please do not take anything I say in a negative way because it is not meant as such!! First, I am so sorry you heard boy again! We all know too well the ache in our hearts for a certain gender and what it is like to not ever get to experience that (that's why we are here!). I am fortunate to where I love my DS2 to pieces...but I was still always thinking about that baby girl I didn't have. Who knows, if this last one is a boy I may always think about it. So, hugs to you!
Second, and most important...it sounds like the abortion thing is not a possibility and I just hope it never is. Aside from my own personal feelings about it, I know too many woman that had one and regret it. Either regret it right away, or even years later! These women, as well as any woman that gets an abortion are hurting...everybody has their own reasons but it doesn't matter. It is a pain that cannot be erased. I don't know much about these blood tests that show gender but are they 100%? What if, that baby was the 1% chance it was wrong? (Not to get your hopes up, just would be a terrible thing to happen.)
As someone touched on earlier, I am actually closer to my MIL than my own mother. She has a great relationship with all three of her boys. I just highly encourage you to keep your relationship with your boys as best as possible...then hopefully that increases your chances of having your children visit or bring grandchildren over. I also know a lady that had all boys, then she got a granddaughter...she said that made her relationship with her so special and she wouldn't change a thing now. Her and granddaughter are super close!
You don't know what kind of daughter you would get (me either) and I personally would rather only get to dream of her than to have one and end up having a really bad relationship with her, or have her hate me. There are those mother/daughters that just never get along. Or, the mom has so many dreams of and about her daughter, but when they are born they are nothing like it. Some girls are very much tom boys and can be just as loud and obnoxious as boys! I have a close friend whose daughter is a wild child! I totally understand wanting a break from the boy stuff and loudness, but there is no guarantee that a girl would quietly color or play with barbies, or be sweet.
Then there are those people that never get the chance to be a mother at all. They have an ache in their hearts to just be able to hold their own baby, as well as the pain of not being able to conceive.
As someone else touched upon...our minds control our thoughts and feelings! When I really struggled with GD I know it was times that I was constantly thinking about it, and thinking about all the things I would miss out on! When I tried to accept it and all the benefits to having boys it wouldn't be as bad. Things such as...well when the boys want to be just like daddy and spend time with him a lot, then I will be able to catch up on things I want to do. Or, now I'm just going to have to make girl time, go spend time with my girl friends, or pamper myself!! I have to make myself get rid of the negative thinking sometimes!
I know that nothing we say will be able to take the pain away or change the fact you didn't get your girl. Just take the time to grieve, hit your pillow whatever. But for your sake, your husband, and your children....please try to be happy and don't torture yourself for the next 20 years!

I just wanted to give you a big hug, I went through your same heart ache 3 times myself, and have come through to the other side. I think, even though I don't have a daughter, the more sons (children) I get, the likelier that one of them will stick around and be there later on. I hope for great DILs and grandkids, and will just be the greatest and most loving boy-mom I can be, and the best MIL I can be to my DILs. So, you are blessed with 4 children who will be there for you, and who you can love, give you grandchildren etc. So even if none of them are girls, you have the advantage of number. Some people only manage to get one child, and if that one child moves away or never marries/has children, you will still be there with no child around or no grandkids. It helps me to think this way, I have no daughter, but I am a rich woman with many children and the future will be bright :)