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Don't get me started. :p
I think sometimes when we feel strongly about different things our emotions can get their wires crossed and we end up feeling passionately one way when really those emotions are coming from another thing.
Long story short, since having my daughter I have had to come to the realization that some of my GD emotions were misplaced feelings coming from other areas (marriage among them) and I was thinking it was entirely from not having a DD. It wasn't.
My husband will never comprehend how earth shattering it was for me to not have a daughter. Nobody but those who have lived it can ever really know how terribly much it hurts. I have stopped trying to make him understand or "pay" for this. Instead I use this site as an outlet to be understood and gain some empathy. Thank you ladies!Quote:
Originally Posted by motherofboys
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I think this is always the case atomic sagebrush. When one thing in my life is not right, all things channel into that. Almost like the recourse of not having a daughter is the cause of all things wrong in my life. Rationally I know this isn't true and I am glad you mentioned this! Thanks!!!
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Rosie85 I blame my husband less and less these days and am starting to accept that our boys were born for a greater reason than a girl. Maybe to teach me to let go and let things be.Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosie85
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I totally agree. It's so nice to be around people who understand but can also see the other side. Whether that was getting the DG or not.
When everything is up in the air, and the boys are not listening to a word I say and there seems to be a bajillion things that need to be done or to worry about, I find myself thinking "if i had a girl this would be better or that would be better" or even "I'm being punished for not being satisfied with what I have, for wanting a girl and not being grateful for my boys"
Of course we all know this is utter rubbish. We don't get one gender as a punishment for actually wanting the other or caring which gender we get at all.
But I think when we are dissatisfied, it's just one more thing to feel down about and it's so easy to blame it all on GD.
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I can completely relate with this post... 100%. Before DD I would try to talk to my DH about my GD but he just didn't get it. He is such a "guy" it is hurtful sometimes. I remember him calling one of his friends after DS2 uls and telling his friends "my guys swam right... it's another boy!". WTF?? Right?? So a girl is wrong?? He was very vocal about not wanting a girl because of how emotional they are as teenagers. When I would tell him about why I wanted a DD he would just say "there is no guarantee that you will have a Mother/Daughter relationship like you and your Mom do". He was very dismissive of my feelings which is what hurt the most. I would say to him "what if we had two daughters, wouldn't you want a son?" to which he would say "don't know since we aren't in that situation". My DH didn't understand at all and didn't even try... that is why I resented him so much. Plus I was the one who went through all the MS, aches, pains, stitches, etc. and he got what he wanted and I didn't get what I want. Plus he said he didn't want more kids after the two boys. I had to ask for YEARS to try for a third. I think all of my DH not being understanding fed into the GD.
Now that I have a DD I really do feel so much better. It isn't a source of resentment and frustration in our marriage anymore. What is even better is that DH is so good with DD... he is more attentive with her than he was with the boys. He is always holding her, talking to her, cuddling her, feeding her, etc. He even volunteers to get up with her in the night.
Funny now with this baby he says that he wants another boy but he isn't as vocal about his preference for a girl or a boy.
i can feel u. Couple days ago, I just blamed my husband for not able to give me a daughter. But after the cooling period, I realised I was wrong. Compare to those parents with needy child, I feel Im fortunate to have my boys. Healthy is still my priority. If between gender and health, I will choose latter. And I believe god has plan for me for having two boys. Who knows, one of them maybe the next minister and another maybe the top lawyer in my nation :-)Quote:
Originally Posted by 2boysJustOneGirl
I SO get this. I don't hate my husband or anything and I don't really blame him for our first two boys because we didn't sway. Our first we 'tried' for a boy by one attempt on O day, and our second we just did multiple days around O day. This time I tried to sway (finding this place way too late). I put myself through torture trying to go without breakfast and eliminating snacks. Other than DTD stuff he didn't sway at all, even though he wanted a girl. I am sure if it was a boy we were trying to get he would have made sure he did everything possible. To his defense it was right around Thanksgiving so we had a lot of family get togethers. But considering his dad had 4 boys, I wish he would have tried something...especially with diet and exercise and taking out the beer drinking. I see as well how he gets to do things with his sons, even at these young ages and they will have a lot in common and it tugs at my heart. I love seeing it, but wish I had a mini-me.
I'll always wonder if he would have tried, if it would have helped us get our girl, even though I know there is no changing things now.
Whenever anything goes wrong it always leads back to my grief, which is drenched in resentment for my husband for me having to bear the weight of motherhood to only boys. It sucks. I am in a very tough spot today. Probably didn't help that I attended a stupid play group and was once again the only mom with all boys amongst the group I associate with. I looked at all these other women and couldn't stand them or the fact that I am so sad. Today is a bad day.
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:( I'm sorry, been there done that and it's not pretty. Hoping you find peace!