Horrible day...anybody else with me?!?

I'm right there with you. And yes, it is possible to grieve for the daughter you don't have. It's the loss of a future you expected, that you wanted. It's the grief of what could have been but wasn't.

I relate to the constant struggle - I want to try for a girl, but how can I possibly manage 3 children. It's a challenge to manage 2. The other piece is how do you reconcile the financial responsibilities? I constantly think about what is more important...an attempt for a girl (with an opposite being a real possibility) or the type of lifestyle that having only 2 children would allow us to have. I also have a hard time because I have 2 healthy boys (have had 3 m/c) and feel like I don't want to push my luck....

Anyway, this wasn't supposed to be about me! I understand the feelings of grief and loss and grapple with feelings of guilt and selfishness (it's selfish for me to want another child when DH isn't all that keen and it's selfish of me to not want another child to have a certain lifestyle). Ugh.

I hope today is a better day for you....and that any chocolate you had assisted wtih feeling better :P Be kind to yourself, we all have hectic days filled with a whirlwind of emotion! It will be okay :)

Angie

You know I think I worry more with each pregnancy and child because I feel like my luck will run out.


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Originally Posted by 2boysJustOneGirl

Somedays I really think I will never be happy again. Always in the back of my mind is that daughter, the one who doesn't exist. On the bad days, when I am so tired and drained from my two boys, I accept never having another baby, never having my girl because I can barely handle two kids, never mind three. And with that acceptance comes so much grief I am almost numb. Imagine grieving something you never had? I didn't ever think it was I possible. Hoping tomorrow is brighter...if not perhaps Easter chocolate can help? Lol


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I feel exactly like this too...

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Originally Posted by granddaughter

Just imagine your life with out those two, look at their smiling little faces, and the sweet little kisses they give. Tomorrow will be better, give your self some time.

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…and this made me cry!…thank you for the wake up call x

After all my talk of feeling blessed, a few little comments from one person I barely know have sent in back into a blubbering wreck. Apparently we have an inbuilt need to see girls as more in need of protecting as they are more valuable because boys are only needed for 1 small part of baby making and can spread their seed. Girls and boys are not equal. "Not that I'm saying boys are not worth anything"
No not exactly but you are saying they are not worth as much as girls.
It was a discussion on what age you would let your kids play out alone and she started going on about boys allowed out earlier than girls and why was that and that if a boy gets a girl pregnant he can walk away and it won't effect his life.
I don't have to worry cos I have boys.


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Motherofboys I am not even sure how I would have taken that conversation?? Was this a person who had only girls? I really don't know how you ladies hold your tongue when people say awful things like "Not that I am saying boys aren't worth anything" or "if a boy gets a girl pregnant he can walk away"? Who thinks like this? This woman sounds like she might be having her own GD issues she is dealing with.

She has 1 daughter an apparently no desire for any more children. I don't even know what pregnancy had to do with whether or not it was ok to let an 8 year old play out the front of their house or not!
And I would hope that when they are old enough to be doing anything like that I had raised my boys well enough to be careful if a pregnancy isn't wanted and if something does happen to take responsibility for his actions. One of my fears with boys is that the girl could take off and I'd never know my grandchildren.


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Wow she sounds like a total b... kind of feel sorry for her DD stuck alone with a Mom like that. She sounds like a rather miserable woman.

So are their no laws in the UK that prevent Moms from just up and leaving with children? Here you can go to court, get paternity tests, have joint custody, etc. If she decides to take off it would be considered kidnapping and she would be in contempt of court. If she does that enough she could go to jail. Problem is not to many boys/men actually follow through and press this issue.

I think it's the same here where legally if he wants contact then the dad has the right to it. But I don't think that many men realise the rights they have.


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Originally Posted by motherofboys

After all my talk of feeling blessed, a few little comments from one person I barely know have sent in back into a blubbering wreck. Apparently we have an inbuilt need to see girls as more in need of protecting as they are more valuable because boys are only needed for 1 small part of baby making and can spread their seed. Girls and boys are not equal. "Not that I'm saying boys are not worth anything"
No not exactly but you are saying they are not worth as much as girls.
It was a discussion on what age you would let your kids play out alone and she started going on about boys allowed out earlier than girls and why was that and that if a boy gets a girl pregnant he can walk away and it won't effect his life.
I don't have to worry cos I have boys.


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This is unreal. Her comments are completely ignorant and obnoxious. It's because of women like her mothers of any gender are struggling to accept what is and be proud and happy for it. Try to take the comments lightly...she is obviously uneducated and bitter.


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