WWYD? HT or Sway?

Just wanna say that I can relate as I am in your shoes. We always wanted just two kids. But DH would also be fine with two boys wheras I wanted a daughter for all my life. My GD completely overwhelmed me and I am afraid of never being really happy if I never get her and I fear that my family will always feel this sadness although I keep it inside. Swaying is so risky.

DH also said that maybe he would agree to a third child. But we have VERY demanding jobs so I don't think it would be fair to our children.

With HT I struggled at first with the fear of all these medical prodedures. Then I overcame that and struggled with the money. But we would be able to afford it. Then I struggled with the thought that I would be cheating and am not supposed to choose. Got over that, too. But I only recently realised that there will be leftover embryos. And that is the part my mind spins around all the time now. I just couldn't donate them. It would eat me up inside - wanting to find my children which would be out there. Just now I did realise that I don't know if I consider discarding equal to abortion. Don't want to offend anyone. Just sharing the thoughts that spin in my mind and drive me crazy.

Swaying is not even a choice for us because 1) I can't pregnant on my own (now down to one tube) and 2) We need to prevent a genetic condition, DH has it and is a carrier and DS#2 has it but much more severe..

When I see the swaying works for women, it think those are the real lucky ladies, almost like hitting the lottery without having to do HT, HT is no joke, financially and emotionally...

The thing is if you sway and get the same gender, you might be back to square one and older (egg quality)... I know I was, I had IVF for DS#2 I was trying for 18 mos no baby, I had no clue I could have PGD for anything(like the genetic condition) but thats another story, anyway the minute I found out he was a boy via a scan @16 weeks all the kept me the least bit sane was researching and cycling like a maniac for a girl (see siggy)

Good Luck!

Yes, atomic's stance (and I very much agree with it!) is if you're going to do HT, do HT. Swaying will always be there, and women can sway into their 40's. But your odds of a successful HT cycle go down with age. Do HT then sway, don't have HT as a back-up plan if your sway fails.

I'd go HT if we could afford it but it's just so far out of reach for us, especially as it's not available in Australia so we'd have travel costs too.

If I could afford HT I would definitely do it!

Thanks for all the responses!
I worry about all the money. I'm not foolish enough to think we could get it in the first try. Multiple cycles scare me. Not just because of the cost, but going through egg retrieval and all that multiple times... I totally get that it is a seriously draining (mentally, emotionally and financially) experience.
My biggest fear is trying it and spending $20k or $50k and having nothing to show for it all. I know that's a possibility.
I also keep losing my nerve for swaying. I keep thinking, "we will sway. No big deal" then I chicken out and can't do it.

We also want no more than 3 kids so swaying does kinda scares me...but I'm slowly coming to terms with having either and br ok with it

Having said that, I would go for HT in a heartbeat but hubby would never ever agree..

I think we would if we had the money or if we had major fertility issues. But it would take a tremendous amount of convincing DH even with all those factors. But we don't have the money anyway so it's not an option.

WHat I would do and what I would have YOU do are two different things.

I couldn't have afforded HT, my husband would never have agreed, and even if I did I would have been that person who ends up transferring the XY anyway LOL.

I do think you should seriously look at HT. Every so often someone just strikes me as a boy-mom (and you do) and while it doesn't mean you can't have a successful sway, I think your odds are gonna be better with HT.

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Originally Posted by LilithWiser1979

Yes, atomic's stance (and I very much agree with it!) is if you're going to do HT, do HT. Swaying will always be there, and women can sway into their 40's. But your odds of a successful HT cycle go down with age. Do HT then sway, don't have HT as a back-up plan if your sway fails.

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exactly, thank you!! If it's ever an option, do it NOW. Odds don't get better with time and in fact you may trade something that will work for you, for something that won't in 3-4-5 years' time.