How do you cope with friends with the desired gender?

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

I don't want any of those girls, I wanted MY GIRL. I've found very little difference to me between other people's girls and other people's boys to me. They're not HER.

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This is truly a great way of explaining it.

A friend of mine who had a DD first, just found out she's having a boy yesterday. She's over the moon and ecstatic beyond words and telling everyone she can think of, as most people who get their DG do. Of course after I cracked open the wine bottle in a pity party of "why didn't I get that?" and a huge fight with DH over my mood about it, I came on here late last night. And this is a great way of explaining my envy or jealousy. I don't want "her" son, I want my own. I want him to look like my DH and me and so I can name him and dress him and raise him in the way that I want to experience. So while I'm envious of her situation, I know once he's here, I won't want her son, I still want my own.

It bothers me when I see my SIL and her daughter Myah... BIL is hubbys halfbro, same dads.

I only see them about 6x's a year because they keep to themselves mostly. But it is hard to be around them mostly because I see my MIL heartbreak for a girl of her own. Just 2wks ago my IL's came to visit and my BIL and his family came to town as well. They decided to spend 4hrs shopping and then wanted to meet us for a quick dinner. My MIL asked if they wanted to drop Myah off while they shopped and they said no. My MIL was so heartbroken she cried for hours and kept saying they don't trust her because she isn't Myah's grandma.

It pains me to be around Myah and see how her parents ignore her and ignore the love my MIL has for a little girl she calls her granddaughter.

Next weekend is going to be so hard because we are all going to be together for about 4 days for Thanksgiving. And like the past few years everyone else will be responsible for watching Myah while her parents lock themselves in their rooms. I do love her but she has so many behaviour issues from being ignored...

I want so badly to give my MIL a girl of her own. We share the boys and my MIL knows that she doesn't have to ask permission to give something to them. It is sad that she has to ask my SIL if it is ok to give Myah a cookie, breakfast, or even water when Myah says she wants something.

Sorry for the babble I am a little sad just thinking about everything... I really wanted to be prego and know the gender for the Holidays so I could tell everyone!

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Originally Posted by envisioned

This is truly a great way of explaining it.

A friend of mine who had a DD first, just found out she's having a boy yesterday. She's over the moon and ecstatic beyond words and telling everyone she can think of, as most people who get their DG do. Of course after I cracked open the wine bottle in a pity party of "why didn't I get that?" and a huge fight with DH over my mood about it, I came on here late last night. And this is a great way of explaining my envy or jealousy. I don't want "her" son, I want my own. I want him to look like my DH and me and so I can name him and dress him and raise him in the way that I want to experience. So while I'm envious of her situation, I know once he's here, I won't want her son, I still want my own.

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ITA with this. I'm envious of the situation, not the actual child.

Hugs, PP. Hope next week goes well.

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

It really didn't bother me as much as I thought it would. I mean I had some yucky moments with my niece especially when I was pg with DS 3, I don't enjoy her birthday parties AT ALL still even though I'm ok with my GD these days, but at the same time, I was never plummeted into assuming a fetal position or crying over it or anything even at my worst (and I was crying and in a fetal position a LOT during that time LOL.)

I don't want any of those girls, I wanted MY GIRL. I've found very little difference to me between other people's girls and other people's boys to me. They're not HER. I don't admire or like the toys they buy or the way they dress their little girls for the most part...even the way the little girls act is sort of repulsive to me. It sounds bad but I just instinctively think, she would have been, better, cuter, smarter...I don't have that jealousy for something I don't want if that makes any sense?

I wouldn't have known this at first, it was only after I forced myself to face the experience a couple times and be around some little girls that I realized I wasn't jealous and I didn't want any of them. The person who I would be jealous of doesn't exist.

It bugs me WAY more when people who I think are just vile, get their DG. WAY more because it feeds the "universe hates me" aspect of my GD. That part, I still really struggle with sometimes.

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I agree with all of this, especially the last paragraph. I'm close to a lot of people who have girls but my GD only really flares up when it comes to one person, my sister. She hasn't had her baby yet and I'm hoping that once she does it doesn't bother me as much. I have other nieces and I adore them and being around them doesn't hurt at all. So hopefully once the new one is here and I know the real person, I'll better be able to deal.

You know, the absolute hardest person I've had to deal with has been my sister. She had a boy first and I was absolutely ecstatic! After that i went on to have my second boy. The following year she got pregnant with her second, a girl. It hurt so bad. She never had to experience GD. She had ONE boy and then a girl, without even trying. Without doing anything differently. She just got lucky. Oh and by the way, she wanted a girl. So, what happens two years later? She has a surprise/accidental pregnancy. She was all upset but she said she wanted another girl. To me, as a mom of two boys, that seemed so selfish! It made me mad that she even had a preference after already having one of each. And guess what. It was another freaking girl. I was beside myself, and could never ever show it.

Now her oldest girl is 4 and baby is 2. The little one has some developmental issues so i don't feel jealously toward her (and that is mainly because i already have a child with a disability and I would never long for another child with issues regardless of gender), however I do get jealous of the other daughter. She's just very sweet and cute, etc. But like Atomic said, I don't want her, I want MY girl.

It's very annoying because when I've mentioned my feelings to my mom, she said, "well at least you have neices! You can buy pretty pink things for them!" Doesn't she know that makes it hurt even more? No, she doesn't because she had nothing but daughters. *sigh*

Luckily my sister and I are still close, and we get together all the time. I do fine with it now. There are times when it hurts (especially when I see how much my mom seems to favor the girls), but I've kind of accepted it. But I haven't even told my sister that I'm TTC because I hate for her to know I want something so badly that she has. And also, I don't want to tell her I'm swaying and all of this crap and then have to tell her I'm having another boy. Ugh. I'd rather say "oops, I accidentally got pregnant! Damn ,i should have swayed! Oh well!" LOL Does that make ANY sense? I just don't want her to know how hard I'm trying for a girl!!

I'm not telling anyone that I'm swaying, I told my Mom but she disapproved of the time period (we are going to do it sooner than later, she wants me to wait until late next year or the year after) I want 2 and 3 close together, and hubby is aboard right now, and hubby is a bear sometimes, and while he's in the mood to TTC, I want to catch it while it's hot!

Some friends of mine know that I am going to TTC next year but I've been telling them that I want a 3rd boy to complete my family...a "trio of cute boys" because I think it would hurt a lot more to tell them I'm TTC a girl and get a boy. It's easier I think pretending I want a boy all along so if it does happen, I won't have to deal with their sympathy when I'm already going to be upset.

Only my mom and brother know how badly I really want a daughter, my sisters I don't talk to much. Sometimes, I don't know if I really want a daugther because everyone will get off my back about having two boys or if I really, really do want her for myself. My husband does not want a daughter at all, and I know he is hoping the sway fails. He's terrified of dealing with a daughter, he has all kinds of wrong preconcieved notions about a daughter. Obviously, I hope we have a daughter because I think it would help HIM work through those issues.

My SIL has a boy. I will lose it if she has a PP. It will be the only girl grandbaby. When I see with moms with boys, I get so happy because I feel like I have solidarity with them.

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Originally Posted by auroara78

Some friends of mine know that I am going to TTC next year but I've been telling them that I want a 3rd boy to complete my family...a "trio of cute boys" because I think it would hurt a lot more to tell them I'm TTC a girl and get a boy. It's easier I think pretending I want a boy all along so if it does happen, I won't have to deal with their sympathy when I'm already going to be upset.

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I did this and it helped tremendously. I talked for a year about wanting another and that I was hoping for a boy. I even had myself convinced of it. When I finally got pregnant and announced the sex almost everyone was just flat out happy and excited for me because they thought I was getting what I wanted.

@lucysky, I feel the same way. I saw lots of boy moms while out shopping today. It made me happy. I wish I had some all boy mom friends in real life. Everyone I know has a mix or all girls.

agree, I love seeing boy moms out and about when I'm shopping..makes me feel like I'm part of an elite group!!