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Well, I feel kind of bad because we didn't go and it looks like not many people went. (I saw pics). I'm sure I overblew it up in my mind how bad it would be for me, which was selfish but I am really sensitive these days and I didn't feel strong enough to go. We actually couldn't go anyway, for other reasons.
Don't feel bad. It just wasn't meant to be for you to go. Sending you big hugs and kisses. x
I could not agree more with this thread it seriously makes me feel so much better knowing I'm not the only one that struggles around people who got the gender I wanted... /: I'm trying to be sensitive though on this post as I am one of the few on the gender disappointment feeds that wanted a boy but got a girl. The GD is the same however, which is why I find comfort in this feed. I feel terrible but I hurt bad.. I just had my DD this March, but BOTH my sister I laws are pregnant with their second and announced a week before I delivered my DD that they are having sons... As dramatic as it sounds, I had to unfollowed one of them (discretely) on Facebook cuz I couldn't stand to see the photos and the nursery and the posts about his arrival. It makes me sick and I want to cry every time.. I avoided another friends' baby shower this weekend as well as SHE is having a son too.. I have 5 friends/family around me who are pregnant and/or just had a baby and their all boys.. It's like a knife in me every time I see a photo or someone starts talking about it. :( we are ttc the end of this year. I am attempting to sway blue more than I did the first time as I hadn't even really heard of swaying till AFTER my DD. but I'm soooo scared... The sister in law on my husbands side already has a daughter. And now gets to have a son. The first grandson of the family.. His side is VERY judgmental and competitive.. We especially are with this couple.. I wanted that the first son SO BAD! :( so when we conceive again, I'm so worried the GD will be multiplied by a million given the circumstances..
Long story short I feel awful that I have trouble being happy for people.. The jealousy, bitterness and pain is so heavy... And because it's family, it is so hard to avoid. So believe me you're not alone. And I'm so glad I'm not alone either. <3 we'll get through this together. And whatever happens was meant to happen. Just have to keep telling ourselves there's a bigger plan than what we are seeing:)
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Thank you, Nann3r. I know it's so hard to understand these feelings brought on by GD. I'm sorry you are going through it. It does get better but the triggers are hard. The person I was talking about just had their baby and I would love to be able to avoid them for the rest of my life lol but since our kids are related that's unlikely. I wish you all the best and glad we have this site to know we are not alone.
I found a sudden case of raging diarrhea went a long way towards solving this situation.
I actually had to go to two baby showers when pg with my GD baby and the one that was worse was the one where they were getting my same gender (which she wanted). I personally despise showers and she just got SOOOO much stuff it was hard not to feel jealous.
It's crazy how real gender disappointment is. I'd never heard of it till I google searched "depressed about the gender I'm having" and gender dreaming popped up.. That was how I found this site! when I was searching for other moms who felt how I did... /: my husband didn't understand and we fought bad about it when I found out I was having a girl. I was so mad and didn't wanna be pregnant anymore. Horrible thoughts/: I kept them in my head tho. But my husband was furious at me that I was upset in any way.. Kept saying I was selfish and that I was going to treat her poorly when she arrived and told me I wouldn't love her. He didn't understand.. He also got the little girl he wanted. :( I was soooo emotional and all of my feelings had to be bottled up. It made it so much worse. This is bizarre but I had a dream the night we found out that my teeth were falling out. And just dropping out of my gums leaving gaping holes and kept trying to get them to stay in but they wouldn't.. SO WEIRD!! I looked it up cuz I read somewhere that dreams have meaning (ex. dreams of falling, losing hair, being chased but can't run etc) Sure enough the translation of teeth falling out means you've recently experienced a great loss.. Gender Disappointment is a very REAL psychological thing. It IS a form of depression. I'm SO glad I stumbled onto Gender Dreaming during my dark days.. Not only did I find comfort in other women who struggled, but I found ways I could at least TRY to have my desired gender (I had never even heard of gender swaying!) :)
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It is a form of depression and it is a loss that we have to grieve and the grief lasts longer for some of us, I think. The funny thing is, I waited for so long to have kids and I used to feel so sad that it may never happen for me. But ironically GD has felt so much worse. I think it's because my dream of having a daughter is more than likely never going to be realized and I'm sad about it.
When someone else gets what they wanted and are so happy about it, it hurts because I for one have never felt that joy in pregnancy.
Everyone's dream family is different. We all have someone's version of it. But we wanted OUR version. My first experience with GD was a coworker who was also a good friend. She wanted a boy but was having a girl. I really did not understand her pain (I didn't have children yet.) but tried not to judge. Other people were not so understanding and made her feel worse. I honestly think people just can not understand GD unless they have experienced it. None of us want to feel this way. And we all love the children we have, that goes without saying. It's the very real feeling of loss for the children we may never have. Or who may take much longer to get here than we planned.
Quote:
Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush
I despise baby showers. I always have even before kids. I opted out of one with my son because I honestly hate being the center of attention. Plus, we have no family here. I did end up getting lots of gifts anyway for my first. My second only my mom got us anything.
The woman who had the baby shower our MILs are sisters. They sent her a bunch of stuff for her daughter. When we had our first my inlaws sent us lots of clothes and blankets ( they live in another country) but nothing for our second. Which I am not complaining. I am grateful for the gifts and they have helped us alot. They have also never expressed disappointment in our second boy. It's just I know if we would have had a girl they would have sent gifts. I get the logic behind it but it kinda stings that having a child of the opposite gender of your first makes people more excited.