To have a D and C or wait it out.

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Originally Posted by mommymachine

So my loss was confirmed on Friday. Besides from some on and off spotting not much is happening. The cramping is getting very bad though. Very painful especially today. Do I just keep waiting? I know some losses can take weeks and weeks to miscarry. It is just hard not knowing if I will be waiting one week or 4 weeks. Would love to hear the pros and cons.

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How long you'll have to wait for a natural miscarriage there is no way to predict. My early loss resulted in bleeding less than a week after discovery, about a week after growth stopped. In my case that was a bad thing because I WANTED a D&C for the purpose of testing and also because I couldn't bear the thought of accidentally flushing my angel (sorry to be so crude but that is the way I thought if it). Fortunately, my D&C was scheduled the very next morning so nothing of importance was lost before then.

I can tell you it's going to hurt either way, , or at least in my case that was they way it played out. When the bleeding started it came with awful cramps. and after my D&C I had awful cramps so pain may not be a factor in the decision you need to make. It really depends on what you can live with. For me I just couldn't live with the possibility of never knowing why and my doc was willing to test for a cause and as I said before I couldn't live with the possibility of unknowingly flushing my bean. Others may choose to let nature take its course and that is okay too because that is what they can live with, perhaps the risks of D&C outweigh the negatives of a natural loss for them, perhaps they don't even give it much thought in the midst of their grief, and perhaps they weren't given a choice, or any number of reasons. It really is up to what you can live with. If you feel a need to know and your doc is willing to test for a cause D&C is the way to go, but you will never see your bean in any way and you will have to wait a time to be able to TTC again more than likely. If you feel the need to give your bean a special burial, natural is the way to go and you just take measures to save your bean, but you will more than likely never know what happened outside of guessing and speculation.... but you can TTC again right away.

I hate that you are going through this :hug2: In the end only you and hubby can make this decision. Listen to your heart because it's a choice that you will have to be okay with in the end or you'll only make a tragic situation even more painful. I'm so sorry about your loss. Sending you prayers that you get your rainbow blessing quickly once you are ready. :hug2:

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Originally Posted by ImmiNAddi

I am in the same situation at the moment Had my scan toady and growth was not good and very slow heartbeat. My FS said that because it was so small that is will most likely come away by itself and there would be no need for surgery. She also said I have the option of getting a tablet that will make it happen faster (once I have another scan to make sure heartbeat is no longer seen etc).
I had a friend who opted for the tablet, but then after going home and thinking about it, changed her mind to the D & C as she couldn't just wait around for it to happen. So I guess it is what you are feeling at the time?
I am hoping that this all happens naturally and that I don't need a D & C.
Hugs to you :sad:

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:hug2: I am sorry you're going through this. Prayers bean will perk back up for you and surprise you or that you will get your rainbow baby quickly when you are ready.

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Originally Posted by Junie

I'm so sorry for both of you. Going through a miscarriage is really hard. Personally I would always choose to do a D&C especially if you were a bit farther along. Natural miscarriages can be very painful and if everything doesn't come out you end up needing a D & C anyway. What I liked about the D&C is that I didn't experience any pain, and I knew that everything looked really good for trying to get pregnant again (my Dr. did an ultrasound a week later to check on the lining, etc). I also felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders after I left the hospital and knew I wasn't pregnant anymore, it was very sad but it was also final which is what I needed. I think I also would have hated to be going through the miscarriage with the boys around me at home. For me personally that would have been more traumatic, but only you can know what is best for you.

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I was like you. I hated the pregnancy limbo I was in waiting for my D&C... "I'm pregnant, but I'm not" it was emotionally and psychologically a sort of torture for me. After my D&C when I woke and realized it was over I dissolved into a blubbering mess, but it was a good thing. I was finally grieving. TRULY grieving. I couldn't imagine living in that limbo for weeks. I have nothing but respect for those that do... that takes real strength that I just didn't have.

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Originally Posted by mommymachine

Immi I don't mind:)

Thankfully, DHs work is seasonally and he isn't working right now. So yes because of that I am able to hide it. My oldest knows I lost the baby (he overheard me talking about an ultrasound so I came clean to him) but I still wouldn't want them knowing what my body is now having to go through. It is painful and I am having contractions. It's an on going thing but it was with my other miscarriages as well, and they were earlier than this one. I do think everyone is different.
I am relieved that my body is handling it, but if DH was working it would be a completely different thing.


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I just now saw that your miscarriage has already begun. More :hug2: I am glad you feel relieved. The pregnancy limbo is awful so I am glad you are finding some comfort in closure. :hug2:

I was able to hide mine from my kids but it happened on a Saturday so DH was home and he pretty much took over looking after them and preparing dinner etc. I would not have wanted to have been on my own with the kids as it was very messy and I would't have wanted them to get scared seeing the blood (I tried to avoid DH seeing it until I passed out on the toilet and it was unavoidable then).

I'm glad you don't have to wait any longer mommymachine. I found the first week after my m/c much more emotional than I expected but the hormone change really hits hard.

ImmiNAddi I hope you aren't waiting too much longer if you decide to wait it out.

Hugs again to both of you :hugs:

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Originally Posted by ImmiNAddi

Mommymachine, if you don't mind telling me (you can private message me if you prefer), were you able to 'hide' it from your children - if they were around at the time? And is it an on-going thing, or over and done with quickly. Sorry if that sounds bad, I just have no idea - and I know that everyone will be different etc....

Atomic - I am wondering if I should do the D & C too now, as I know I couldn't have it happen whilst the boys are around and hubby at work (if it's a big mess/painful etc). I was hoping it may just be a matter of 'feeling' it come and head to the loo/shower and be done in a few mins? I have no idea what it is like, or how long it takes etc..... :worry:

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People have experiences that are all over the map. I tend to bleed a lot and bruise very easily anyway so I think that made it way worse than it would have been for another person. The bleeding was like an extremely heavy period and lasted 5 days with one and 7 days with the other and then with the second one there was spotting after that too, can't remember how long it lasted. I felt ok with the first one and ill with the second one.

I hope you're doing ok MM. Huge hugs and thinking of you.

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

I hope you're doing ok MM. Huge hugs and thinking of you.

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Thank you atomic. I'm still in the thick of it at the moment but I know it will start clearing up soon. I've sent you a couple messages for when you get a minute:)


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I'm so sorry for your loss Mommymachine. Miscarriages suck. (((HUGS))) to you. Take care of yourself and allow yourself to grieve. I hope you get your rainbow baby soon.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I see you already have started miscarrying, I'm glad your wait is over at least and hope it is gentle on you.

I was in this boat last summer and opted for a natural miscarriage- I'm already high risk in pregnancy and had had 3 csections so I really just wanted to avoid the procedure. With just my luck, I bled so much that I should have/but didn't go to the ER (my OB was not happy with me, pretty sure I almost passed out at least once or twice with all the blood loss and became severely anemic so I should have gone to the ER for an emergency D&C, but I didn't want to deal with doctors I didn't know or the D&C and kept thinking it was almost over.) THEN, to top it all off, I ended up still bleeding even a week later and needed a D&C anyway for retained tissue. My ob hesitantly let me wait it out for an extra week to see if the retained tissue would resolve itself, but it didn't. I would have been a lot better off just doing the D&C in the first place, but not everyone is like that.

I'm sharing my story because I managed to get pregnant my first regular cycle later even though my OB wasn't crazy about TTC yet, and I'm almost 36 weeks pregnant now, so even my fairly complicated miscarriage and D&C (luckily my OB did a hysterscope and had to go back in and do a second D&C while I was still out because there was still some tissue after the first time) did not cause future issues in my case which was my biggest concern.