The message I got from my ob about my age and risk of loss

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Originally Posted by 1moregirl

The thing my ob said that really got to me was that I had a higher risk of miscarriage than I did of actually having a baby. Is this really true? The odds they gave me at the hospital didn't seem that high. If only there was an easy and inexpensive way of testing our egg quality.

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Now that is open for some debate as I have mentioned already (sorry if I"m sounding like a broken record here) the data that doctors use is from decades past and during that time period many of the women who were TTC then were women who had been unable to conceive and thus were still trying for pregnancy. Coincidentally, women in their 40's may also have health issues that women in their 20's do not. Do we really KNOW what a healthy woman in her 40's with proven fertility, what her chances are, no we don't. Some oft-quoted data indicates it's 50-60% miscarriage rate 42 and up. But heck, like Han Solo says - never tell me the odds.

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Originally Posted by adnilleinad

Perhaps What she meant is that the number of normal eggs are low, therefore higher risk? I think after 40 the number of normal are around 10%. But you could hit the month with the golden egg.

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Over 40 the challenge is BOTH hitting the golden egg and holding onto it when you do. It's tough to get pregnant for older moms and then also the risk of miscarriage is quite a lot higher. Double whammy.

My GP the other day did suggest a test of FSh. Is that test done on a specific day of your cycle? I just have my period again but it arrived exactly 3 weeks to the day since the start of the one after the D & C, when I was expecting it a week later. It's soooo difficult deciding what to do. I also wonder if maybe I was doing too much at the time the Bub died in uterine this last time as I was running around like a headless chook in preparation for our 2 yr olds birthday party. I remember standing on a chair to hang up some decorations, lots of baking, being up on my feet for half a night decorating his cake. Could I have overdone it? I guess I could question myself til the cows come home couldn't I? I have a friend who just gave birth to her third and last baby (a little boy after two girls and she fluked it) and she said to me not long ago that she'd always wanted to have her kids before she turned 35 and not after. It made me feel soooo sad and envious. I would've loved to have started having my kids when younger. But we just don't all get presented with the same opportunity and chances. I was never lucky in love. Always attracted men who were not interested in settling down and starting a family. I just thank God that I found my DH when I did and we started almost right away (I was four months pregnant with our first when we got married). I really believe in my heart that I could try again one last time. If it works, then wonderful, if it doesn't then I will accept that I was just destined to have 3 children and will move on (even if I have to get some counselling in order to help me move on and deal with it). What do you guys think of that? I am going to have to be soooo super brave and I think I will concentrate less on the perfect sway and more on my overall general health. God knows - I have to wonder if all the sups they get you to take on IG really do something not right to your hormones that can result in miscarriage any way. I even had DH on cranberry and calcium (surely acid overload) and one time when I tested his semens ph it was really acidic and I was surprised I even got a BFP. What do you ladies think?

Does he want another child?

Wow how negative an OB. I know plenty of late 30's/40+ mums, if u do fall pregnant them just get the additional testing, harmony etc or just see what your odds are with 12 week NT scan. Good luck on your 4th!

Your numbers are going to be horrible. I think it's pointless for you to have them tested. They'll be bad. But it doesn't mean you can't still get pregnant, just that it may take longer and you have to be prepared that it may never happen and also that your odds of miscarriage are going to be high.

Everyone always says that about having babies under 35. Then a lot of us get there and realize we still want more babies LOL. Please don't let other people's statements affect you. How many people do we all know in their 20's and they're disasters?!? There are advantages and disadvantages to being a younger mom and an older mom. What other people say they want or think they want doesn't affect you. :) If we all did things the same way the world would be boring.

Yes, you can question yourself till the cows come home and no one will ever know. ATOMIC TOUGH LOVE WARNING....

All we can do is tell you that the most likeliest thing is chromosomal abnormalities due to age. Not Zofran, not overexertion, not IG sway supps. We're not telling you that to be mean (because believe me I would really not be having to drag your emotions through it and frankly I feel like an a$$hole doing it) but simply because it feels ~to me~ like you are desperately trying to convince yourself otherwise so you can ignore the elephant in the room which is that it's hard to get pregnant in mid 40's and your risks of loss are higher. Not impossible and if this is something you really want and hubby agrees to it then I would of course help you however I can. :hugs:

FSH is done on day 3 usually. My cycles were short, 25 days, so I did my testing on day 2.

Atomic is right, your numbers will be bad. And it probably wouldn't hurt for you to see that in writing. I will also tell you that after my second failed IUI, my doctor told me to stop wasting my money on IVF, unless we were willing to go the donor egg route. She said my chances would be better trying naturally, and just waiting for the one good (last! lol) egg and get our timing right. Simple as that.

People do have babies in their 40's of course. By 44, 45, it is the exception though and that is due to age alone. I am sure you have googled a ton but here is what I found-

Ages 40 to 44

your body

First the good news: A recent study shows that women over 40 who have babies without help from fertility drugs or other assisted reproductive technologies tend to live longer than those who don't. Why? One theory is that estrogen, which is still produced in abundance in fertile women, has life-lengthening effects on the heart, bones, and other organs. However, fewer than 1 percent of women ages 40 to 44 have babies. The chance of becoming pregnant during any one month drops to only 5 percent after age 40.

How well you carry and deliver a baby in your 40s depends on several factors, including your level of fitness, overall health habits, and whether this is your first baby. "The biggest complaint I hear among my pregnant patients in their 40s is how tired they feel," says Jennifer Niebyl, M.D., a professor and head of the department of obstetrics and gynecology at the University of Iowa. "Hormonal changes in pregnancy make all women feel tired, but fatigue seems to be more pronounced in older ones and can be compounded if there are young children to care for."

If you've already had a baby, you may also be more prone to hemorrhoids, pressure on the bladder, prolapsed tissues in the uterus and vagina, and sagging breasts than you would have been 20 years earlier, simply because the muscles and other tissues in these areas have already been stretched. You can minimize these effects by making sure not to gain an excessive amount of weight during pregnancy, keeping moderately active, and doing Kegel exercises to keep your vaginal muscles strong.

your emotional self

By the time you've reached your 40s, you have a wealth of experience and maturity to draw upon when raising a child. Chances are, you'll also be more patient than you would have been in your 20s. But you'll probably have concerns. "What I hear most often is, 'I'll be so old by the time this baby starts college!'" says Glazer. "Or a couple will look down the road and see that their nest won't be empty until they're 60 or 70. Older parents have to balance feelings of loss of freedom and spontaneity with the joy they'll feel in raising the child."

risks to your baby

About one-third of all pregnancies in women ages 40 to 44 end in miscarriage. There are several reasons: The eggs may be defective to start with, the uterine lining may not be thick enough, or the blood supply to the uterus may not be rich enough to sustain a pregnancy. The risks of placenta previa (in which the placenta lies low in the uterus, partly or completely blocking the cervical opening and creating a high risk of hemorrhage) and placental abruption (in which all or part of the placenta separates from the uterine wall) are also increased. Babies born to women in their 40s are also more likely to have lower birth weights (under 5 1/2 pounds).

Risks of chromosomal birth defects rise steadily with each year into your 40s. If you give birth at age 40, your baby has a 1 in 106 chance of being born with Down syndrome and a 1 in 66 chance of being born with any chromosomal abnormality. But by age 44, those risks rise to 1 in 38 and 1 in 26, respectively.

Ages 45 to 49

your body

The percentage of women who have babies in this age group is .03, and the chance of successful infertility treatment drops tremendously. Just being able to conceive and sustain a pregnancy is an achievement and to some degree a reflection of your own good health. "We all hear success stories of women who had children in their late forties through in vitro fertilization," says Dr. Younger. "But more than half of all pregnancies conceived through IVF in women over age forty are produced through donor eggs."

Once you've conceived, you're more likely to undergo rigorous testing than you would if you were younger. Most pregnant women in their 40s have some stress testing to check their cardiovascular health, and they'll be more closely monitored for signs of diabetes or kidney problems than those in their 20s, says Dr. Younger.

Even if you're in top physical shape, carrying and delivering a baby will be more difficult than it would be if you were in the same physical shape in your 20s. "Pregnancy, in a sense, is like an athletic event," says Dr. Niebyl. "Blood volume nearly doubles, increasing the strain on your heart, and the extra weight puts some strain on your muscles and joints."

your emotional self

Most women in their mid-40s are concerned about the health of their baby as well as their own health—with good reason, since there are increased risks for both at this age. But most pregnancies, even among women in their 40s, have good outcomes. The better you care for yourself, the more successful your pregnancy is likely to be.

risks to your baby

More than half of all pregnancies in women over age 45 end in miscarriage (before 20 weeks gestation). Risk of stillbirth is doubled for women in their 40s, compared with those in their 20s; for this reason, many doctors perform more stress tests and ultrasounds in the last weeks of pregnancy in older women. The chance of chromosomal abnormalities increases sharply. At age 45, there's a 1 in 30 chance of delivering an infant with Down syndrome and a 1 in 21 chance of having a baby with any chromosomal abnormality. In a 49-year-old those risks rise to 1 in 11 and 1 in 8, respectively.

Wow! Scary stuff :-( I remember when I had my 4 th baby at the age of 35 my numbers were 1 in 83 for Downe Syndrome with the other 3 kids they were 1 in 1000 1 in 2000 it was shocking to see it 1 in 83 chances ! really scary numbers :-( my husband always said to me don't be fooled by your look . It's like a nice looking Ferrari with an old rusty 1930'S motor engine :-D Men! While I'm ( him) still a train that never stops :-D Men!

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Punch him for me! Actually I'll just punch my husband for you. :)