So over it

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Originally Posted by Claire33

Spermsorting is not reliable no, and I can understand that IVF/PGD is too expensive. This GD beast sucks so much... I did the opposite of you though, I pretended to everyone that I was SUPER happy with a 3rd son, I did not want anyone to know I was sad. Only my DH knew. I faked it til I made it because if you let people know you are sad they come with even worse comments. If you pretend you are happy then you don't get so many pity comments, I think these are the worst. I don't want anyone to know I was ever sad about having my boys, maybe they'll feel sorry for me for the rest of my life :oops: But it was hard to keep on a happy face when inside I just wanted to die.

May I ask if your surrogate pregnancy was biologically yours? Just wondering, since maybe letting a biological child go might be harder than if the child is genetically someone elses :)

hugs to you mama!

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No my surrogate baby wasn't biologically mine. Traditional surrogacy is rare and generally not recommended by anyone but I wouldn't do that even if it was because then it would be hard for me. It wasn't even hard that she was a girl and people worried that would be affect me with how I feel but it's no different than anyone's daughter that's not mine.

I don't really express any of this to anyone but my husband and even then I try to keep it in when I can. I'm not able to act thrilled but I act like "goodness me another boy ahaha" basically but I wish I could pretend that well. With my mom (who lives with us fyi) I just don't talk about it at all and some days I just don't talk about much at all and others I'm able to just not talk about that. :P there are definitely worse days than others and occasionally I can see a good point or 2 but then there are days when I'm shaking my fist at the heavens for the unfairness of it all. I don't actually want to lose the pregnancy and I know that would put me in a worse spot than I'm in now but sometimes I just want it to go away like it never happened if that makes sense.

I'm glad you at least haven't struggled because your surrogate baby was a girl. Yes, traditional surrogacy is rare, but I saw a TV program about it, so I thought you never know! You are an angel for having been a surrogate! I wish I could be a surrogate but I just don't function during pregnancy, so it's out of the question.

I really hope you can manage to get through this. It's so difficult, I didn't think I could ever get over the heart ache and disappointment. It must be difficult trying to hide it from your mom who lives with you, you can never just get really upset in the privacy of your own home. Take care of yourself sweet heart! Big hugs to you! :bighug: