Printable View
I really think that it does get easier when the decision is REALLY made to close the door. I know a lot of ladies who did decide to just move on with their boys and even tho many of them had very severe GD, once they made up their minds they started to heal and all seem very happy with their families as they are and not consumed with the idea any more. I think it's easy to forget when we're in the trenches but our feelings can change over time.
HappyLea that pretty much sums me up! every word u have said.
When I found out I was pregnant with my 4th son I really struggled but when he was born I felt my family was complete and I was ok living with not ever having my daughter.
He is now nearly 6 months old and about 2 months ago the thoughts started popping up and are continually creeping in. My boys are 4,3,2 and nearly 6 months. My husband works a lot and is basically never home and I have no family support so the 4 boys are very full on. The last 2 pregnancies were SO hard as I was so tired and had no one to help with the others. The thought of being pregnant again just makes me feel SO tired. OH god and the morning sickness etc.
I always thought I would have a daughter. I have collected things throughout my entire life to give to my daughter. I did fall pregnant with a girl (my very first pregnancy) but I lost her at 9weeks. Until I got that phone call at 11 1/2 weeks to tell my my 4th was a boy too only then did my dream just shatter.
I haven't been able to talk to my DH about this AT ALL. Before we fell pregnant this time he had agreed that if it was a boy we would try for a 5th using HT. He just assumed we would easily fall pg with a girl naturally. since then though I just can't even pluck up the courage to talk about it. I have so much guilt over it. Why do I want a girl? am I saying my boys aren't enough? I know that isn't the case I love my boys more than anything I just feel like something is missing. that little girl I always just thought I would have.
Now having 4 boys and me still not back to work as we had them all so close everything is so expensive. HT isn't available here in Australia and even if we could afford it I would feel guilty using that much of the families money on my dream.
Some days I am fine and yep close that door. I have already sold off everything baby in my house that DS4 has grown out of or no longer using. Then those thoughts come back. When its too late to have kids will I regret it not trying for my little girl. I done every method to sway naturally I would never risk it as I know there is no doubt I would fall pregnant with another boy. Even though HT is off the cards unless by some miracle the law is changed here in Australia I still think about it every single day.
Happylea, I too wonder this. I have 2 boys and desperately dream of a daughter who I feel is almost real but slipping away. I know many of you have more children than that, but for me, at 40, with a 52 year old husband (who had 3 children already before we met) I am really supposed to be done. But I also think about it every day. I don't relish the thought of another pregnancy, even tho I was lucky with mine, but I won't have her unless I have another, my hb doesn't want any more which is totally understandable, so where does that leave me?Quote:
Originally Posted by oceancitymom
A similar thing happened to me, like the old lady mentioned above, just the day after I found out my 2nd was a boy.
I went to see a customer. I was making something for his wife's birthday. They have 2 sons, 30 and 25. I took my son and was obviously pregnant. The customer asked what I was having and I said 'a boy'. Then he asked me how I felt about it, and added 'my wife's greatest sadness was never having a daughter'. It absolutely shattered me.
I got in my car, drove down the road, stopped and cried. I think because even though her sons were grown we were exactly the same, even though I had the possibility of a daughter just the day before, it was totally gone and I would never have her. I knew this would be my greatest sadness too.
But p.s. Ocean, I love the story about your son and his babies! Wonder what his wife will say when you rock up for hold #2!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Oh wow see that's what always worries me. Will I regret it in years to come. I think about it every day and think surely these feelings in time will fade. surely I wont feel these things anymore. But to hear that no it doesn't :( I guess unless u actually speak directly so someone who has been through it they would never normally admit this. Perhaps they would never admit it to themselves fully either so might hide the real truth.Quote:
Originally Posted by bigbump
Speaking to others unless I know they are feeling gender disappointment or desire themselves I would never EVER admit my feelings and even if they were possibly feeling the same as me I would completely suss it out before speaking of it. Its always, no we always just wanted 4 kids and 4 boys is what we have and we are so happy and love our boys very much. Which of course we do but that hole still continually aches.
I have two different perspectives on this. My Grandma, my Dad's mom, had three boys. She openly admits that her biggest regret was not trying for #4. She had a miscarriage between my Dad's two younger brothers at 16 weeks. The baby was a girl [emoji20]. She has told me numerous times to make sure we are really done. Don't let time pass you by and end up regretting decisions not acted upon.
On the other hand, my Grandma, my Mom's mother, had three girls. She has told me she longed for a boy but it just wasn't in her cards. The day she met my Aunt, her last child, she held her close and prayed. She prayed that one day the Lord will bring her a boy some day. The Lord answered her prayers- All 8 of her grandchildren has had 15 children and 12 are boys!! She comes over to my house regularly to rough house and play with my boys [emoji4]. They are so lucky to have a great grandma who is young enough, 75yrs old, to really play with them. She told me to that if we want another baby to pray and give it up to the Lord. If we are meant to have one more child, then we will.
We are going to try for #4 and see what happens. I've put together a good sway for my DH and hopefully we will have a healthy, DD. If not, then we will be blessed with another sweet, baby boy.
GL to you! I hope you find peace.
[emoji170]DS1[emoji1379], DS2[emoji577], & DS3[emoji602][emoji170]
[emoji166]One last pink sway 2016[emoji166]
My Ovulation Chart
I didn't want to read this and not reply simply because I have been where you are. I didn't know ANYONE with five boys, and to be honest I felt like a freak at times as people would look at me with pity! I love each and every one of my boys (as we all do!) and although I had GD very badly with no.4 and 5 after the sex scan, I fell deeply in love with them at the birth. The months afterwards I felt that I was complete and I was absolutely fine with not having a dd. However when my youngest turned 2 the feelings returned and I was devastated to think that they may never go away. I hated myself for feeling that way but I simply could not help myself. I knew that trying naturally was not an option for me, I knew that I had completed my quota of boys, I didn't want another baby (which I did for no.5) I wanted a GIRL and therefore I knew that it was HT or nothing.
It was a hard conversation to have with my DH, he knew my feelings but he did not know enough about HT to be fully supportive of it. However after many conversations he told me to do all the research and we'd talk about the options. This site gave me so much knowledge about HT and I am so grateful for the lovely ladies on here who trod the path before me in order for me to learn from them.
Once I opened up to DH and told him how I felt he said we'd give it a go, I'm eternally grateful to him for that. I was so so lucky that this worked first time for me and I'm now pregnant with my longed for DD, it still feels quite surreal and I'm not sure I'll believe it until she's born.
I am, obviously, thrilled that we tried this route, but I did have in my head that if it didn't work I would give up and accept my life with my boys. I just had to try, just had to know that i'd tried everything I possibly could.
I wish you every luck with any future decisions you make. I hope you come to be at peace with whatever you decide, but please do talk to DH, I felt so much better afterwards!
lots of love xx
great story and congrats!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Bettybleu
Happylea, I've been thinking exactly the same, does this strong desire for a girl ever go away. I'm pregnant with our third boy right now and I've been having such a bad gender disappointment. It was really hard to have DH to agree having a third and he made me promise I wouldn't want a 4th. But I just can't help feeling this way, I'm desperate for a DD. I swayed so hard for a girl this time and I failed, it's been really hard for me to accept that. I'm dreaming of trying HT some day but I'm too scared to even bring up the 4th child to my DH, he would be mad... Don't know what to do.
Your DH sounds like he could agree having a new baby. Try to talk to him. I really wish some day you will have your DD or if not, I hope you find some peace. Your boys look so sweet!
Do you think maybe the different perspectives were perhaps because it was a different gender? I know many women out there do long for a son, but is it a bit different to the longing for a daughter?Quote:
Originally Posted by XXforhubby
When it comes to my grandkids I will only ever be the MIL! that relationship makes it different straight up. :( sad but true. Some women get along great with their MILs don't get me wrong but majority of the time not so much. I have asked women when they get all upset about something their MIL said 'Would you be so upset if it was your mother who had said it' and their reply always is no because she is my mum.