Is better to not find out sex till birth if wanting specific gender ?

to answer this question for me personally, I had no gender pref. with DS 1 and 2 (actually wanted a boy with DS 1 and just lucky and got him, but would have been happy with a girl too) and I didn't find out with them. I thought DS 3 was a girl. I would have bet a million dollars on it, and I am SO thankful I found out with him because I had the time to adjust. I would have hated to be crying and stuff in the delivery room and I know I would have because I was so convinced I was having a girl. Not only because of GD but also because i would have had another 20 weeks to make an a$$ out of myself telling everyone how I "just knew" it was a girl. With DS 4 it was an accidental pregnancy when I'd taken a month off swaying and I needed to know. With DD, again I just "had a feeling" it was a girl but still wanted to find out esp. after what had happened with DS 3!!

So, long story short, I personally think it's better to find out when you have any very strong gender preference for either partner. I think men often get short shrift with their gender preferences and very little consideration so I'd try to put myself in his place and imagine you may be having your 4th son and desperately wanted a daughter - it really can help to have that down time before the baby arrives.

I would always rather just rip off the band-aid and find out.

I found out with ds1,2,and3. I don't want to go through the holding back tears during an ultrasound again. For our fourth I plan on not finding out. I can't handle what you are having questions and then the apologies after I tell them another boy. I plan on going into my next pregnancy already thinking its a boy and at delivery if I get my long awaited daughter I'll be shocked.

I think this a very good question and I have pondered it myself. For my third pregnancy, after 2 boys, I definitely wanted to find out. But now after having each gender, I am not finding out for my last baby. And I feel pretty ambivalent about the gender, I'd be happy with either at this point. After all we have been through with my DD, we just want a healthy baby. It gave me a new perspective.

I have all the clothes and stuff for either gender, there is really nothing to prepare for. So I think Team Green might work best if you don't have a strong preference or if you already have a mixed family. Like others have said, it would be hard to come to terms with the disappointment once the baby arrives and it's not what you had hoped for. It's such an intense build-up of emotions. And the first few weeks postpartum can be so challenging emotionally (baby blues). But if finding out early would just ruin the whole pregnancy for you, perhaps it'd be best to wait?

I also wouldn't blame a mama for finding out the gender and choosing not to share it with anyone other than their partner. Because the comments can be so obnoxious if it's another of the same gender. But once the baby arrives people seem to be a little more tactful. Same with the name. That's why we haven't shared any of our baby names until they're on the birth cert.

We found out with boy no. 3, and it did mean a roller coaster of emotions during pregnancy that really wasn't very nice. But I didn't want that to happen at the birth, and I knew in my heart that it would happen, despite having a lovely newborn to distract me. I had that to a lesser extent with boy no. 2 - we found out at birth and there was definitely several conflicted weeks of adjusting to the fact that he wasn't my girl. So I'm glad we found out in advance. Go with your gut, if it's telling you it will be easier to find out at birth, do that. If you have the feeling you could do with advance warning, do that.

I found out with all 4 of my sons. I really thought DS1 was a girl and cried because I knew DH wanted a boy. He got lucky! :) I was happy about DS2 because I wanted DS1 to have a brother. Then with DS3, I was convinced again that I was having a girl because the ultrasound tech could never get a good shot of his parts. I went the whole pregnancy convinced I was having a girl. I had horrible gender disappointment with him and then he died at 15 weeks. I still regret the gender disappointment I had for his whole short life. With DS4, I was convinced that God would not take away my son just to give me another one. When I found out he was a boy at the 20 week ultrasound, I was completely devastated. I really appreciated having the 22 weeks (he was 2 weeks overdue) to adjust to the idea of another son. DS4 is my biggest mamma's boy! He is my most snuggly kiddo. I think God gave him to me to help me through all of my depression/emotions from losing DS3. I highly suggest finding out. It gives you the time you need to accept it.

I'm so sorry MM - I know another woman who went through that exact same experience. :heart:

This is how I feel about getting pregnant the 3rd go round and not finding out-just too many emotions to deal with if we are disappointed...not sure we would be. But you get it...

I wonder what she ended up having...

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Originally Posted by Throwaway_panther

I wonder what she ended up having...

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Me too, but she never said and she never said if she found out the gender in advance!!! arrrrgghhh, the suspense....