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Omg Essence!
I dont know how you are even holding things together right now. For him to go and do that knowing how desperately you want a daughter seems so selfish and quite frankly....cruel.
I know if it was me I'd be skipping the couple counselling and hi tailing it over to the divorce attorney bc my marriage would be over! I really dont know what your dh was thinking other than "forcing your hand" and only thinking of himself...and if he has that little respect for your feelings and isnt even willing to show up for counselling....really...whats the point? Why are you staying with him?
Because of the kids?
Because of finances?
Because other than sneaking off to get a V and crushing any chance of having a dd with him in he future he's really a nice guy?
My dh threatened a V once....and I say ONCE bc after i told him what i am about to tell you he never mentioned it again.
In a calm voice and very matter of factly I said,
"you don't want any more children and I have to respect that. i cannot force you to father a child you do not want ...likewise you cannot tell ME how many children I can and cannot have. I want a DD with all of my heart soul & mind. I want to try for her as soon as possible, preferably with YOU because I love you and the family we've made together....but if not with you then I will go to a SPERM BANK and use another mans seed. Because I will get her or die trying.... So you think on it and make your choice and I will make mine"
BOOM! He stood there, mouth open and couldnt believe it. In that moment he realized how serious I was about ttc a dd. i think he was in shock. But in the end he decided he'd rather have a wife and dd than an ex-wife and no dd.
I suppose you need to decide which is more important to you...a dd or your dh. For me, men are a dime a dozen but children...my own flesh & blood are not. Your dh could still get his V reversed and if it is done in the first year has very good success rates.
In fact, I would bring it up at couples counselling....how he hurt you and betrayed your trust by getting this V and not even saving any sperm... I'd tell him how disappointed I was for not being able to ttc a little girl with him and then say matter of factly, "well, if you won't consider an immediate Vasectomy reversal, I guess I will be scheduling my appointment at the sperm bank afterall" and then calmly get up and leave. let him chew on it for awhile.
I pray for you to have peace, wisdom and clear mindedness in this extremely troublesome time. (Hugs)
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Essnce, I'm so sorry this has happened. I wish there was something I could say to make everything better. I have heard of women getting pregnant after vasectomy. I think the latest one was 6 months after. I hope that you'll get a lucky sperm that makes it through. Sending a great big hug to you!! <3
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Oh I'm so so sorry. I would be devastated.
To give you a little hope, my cousin's husband had to have a second V as the first "didn't take". And a friend of mine got pregnant after her husband's V (5 or 6 months later, he had faith and never went back for a sperm count) b/c it also didn't take. So I really hope your husband's doctor messed up somehow!
