How do you tell people gender when you're struggling with GD?

B, i've been uncomfortable telling some people but i must say i'm feeling much better now since everyone now knows we having a girl. I just struggle with it on my own at times but i've accepted that i cant change her gender & that she's a person & no one should be defined by their gender. Trust me if i was younger i'd probably try for a boy but i cant & maybe that's what puts me on a downer from time to time, i dont know if i will totally get over it but hey i'm much better than i was so that's something.

I trust you'll feel better once you've overcome all the silly comments. I also think that since your DH knows you'll feel better because you can talk to him about you feel. My thoughts are with you because we share the disappointment

I'm convinced my GD was so bad with DS3 because of what OTHER people said to me about my (previous + 3rd) pregnancies. Flatly, it makes people uncomfortable to see 3+ of the same gender & it baffles them. Almost in a sort of "how did you get THAT unlucky" type of way.

People were SO rude to me--the most with my 3rd pregnancy. I had people asking me at 8-9 months pregnant if I was going to "try again" for a girl. (Who wants to hear that when they're about to pop with their 3rd??) I walked in with my newborn baby boy + siblings and was told, "oh, mom didn't get her girl." ...not, Congratulations! What a beautiful baby.

And, honestly, the comments didn't stop until he was about a year old. I literally had people coming across entire restaurants to count my sons for me & ask if that was right. "no girls??"

How did I mange? I stopped the questions. "We're done." or "What's wrong with my boys?" If there was a way for me to avoid a situation or a conversation about the gender of my baby, I avoided it. I didn't attend baby showers, etc.

The problem is everyone has to say something dumb...even if it had been a boy. So, it's all about whether you offer them an easy way out, an awkward response, or a smile & nod gesture. Do what feels best to you.

Let's just say, I was so offended by things even our families said to us, that we won't be announcing until the last possible moment. 13-17 weeks if I can cover it up. THEN, I don't have to listen to it.

Hang in there. Try to realize they're usually just trying to be friendly, even if it does sound catty. And the catty ones usually dealt with it themselves. And if it protects your sanity, lie. I consider it fair game.

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Originally Posted by babydes56

B, i've been uncomfortable telling some people but i must say i'm feeling much better now since everyone now knows we having a girl. I just struggle with it on my own at times but i've accepted that i cant change her gender & that she's a person & no one should be defined by their gender. Trust me if i was younger i'd probably try for a boy but i cant & maybe that's what puts me on a downer from time to time, i dont know if i will totally get over it but hey i'm much better than i was so that's something.

I trust you'll feel better once you've overcome all the silly comments. I also think that since your DH knows you'll feel better because you can talk to him about you feel. My thoughts are with you because we share the disappointment

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Babydes, you're right ... the more of my friends that know the better I feel about it. Those who know me and know my girls have had nothing to say but happy comments. One sweet friend was crying she was so excited about another baby girl for us; I don't think she had any idea how much her excitement helped me. Another was actually the husband of a friend; he grew up in a family of 5 kids and was just so happy we were having more than 2, it was really awesome. He was like, "so what if you have FIVE girls! I'm telling you, it's THE BEST thing ever to grow up with lots of crazy siblings!"

But strangers or people I only slightly know ... yeah, they kinda suck with their comments. Oh well ... we haven't told lots of DH's extended fam (will when we see them at thanksgiving) and I know some of them will be pretty rough, but I'll just throw some pie in their face and move on :wink: Hope you're doing well and that you get to a really good place with all of this too; I know I'm working on it but definitely not there yet.

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Originally Posted by applesoup

I'm convinced my GD was so bad with DS3 because of what OTHER people said to me about my (previous + 3rd) pregnancies. Flatly, it makes people uncomfortable to see 3+ of the same gender & it baffles them. Almost in a sort of "how did you get THAT unlucky" type of way.

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This is SO true applesoup! It does seem to make people uncomfortable. Or, worse ... SMUG that they have a combo. I can't stand the people who say something like "Oh! 3 girls? No boys? I was so happy when we had one of each and I knew we didn't have to try for a third."

But you're right ... everyone has to comment. For the most part I tend to not say much back. I had a hard time with one friend this weekend where I almost teared up at her remark (I was having a very hard GD day) but luckily DH was right there and could tell what was going on, he grabbed my hand and said it was time for us to go get the kids so I didn't cry in front of her. I saw a new hairdresser today and she has a 13 yo girl and a 6 yo boy, and she was of course telling me that I have nothing to look forward to raising 3 teen daughters bc hers is a nightmare, and I better get ready because it was going to be awful. I was NOT in the mood and told her considering she had never met my kids and didn't know me either I didn't think it was wise of her to comment on who they might become over the course of the next 7-10 years. Luckily by this point my hair was already cut so I didn't have to worry about her giving me a bald spot, LOL.

FX your current pregnancy is going well and that your surprise ends up being a pink one. I remember reading a post you wrote when you 1st found out about this surprise pg! I have such a soft spot for surprise pg ... I really think they're just meant to be, KWIM? Though I have always wanted boys, I had not a bit of GD with DD1 as she was a complete surprise and after beating the birth control pills I figured she was clearly supposed to be with us :)

Begonia Im so sorry you have to deal with that. Society Sux!

I was in the change rooms today and was looking at my body, I know its only early days but 2 weeks ago I was pretty sure that I could be carrying a boy, but today I just had a moment to really look at my body in the mirror in the nude and said, "Im having another girl" Im hoping Im wrong but I think I might be right.

And there goes my promise to myself and my husband out the window, I said I wouldnt focus on gender anymore, but its so damn hard at times.

people get more of a response by your facial expression, body language and tone of voice. So head up, smile, look them in the eye and proudly tell them that you are expecting another beautiful baby girl. Its hard not to catch enthusiasm.

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Originally Posted by begonia

I can't stand the people who say something like "Oh! 3 girls? No boys? I was so happy when we had one of each and I knew we didn't have to try for a third."

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OMG, if someone said that to me, I think my eyes would turn black and tiny horns would come out of my skull, and it would be open season for a ****** of expletives to erupt from my mouth.

But everyone here has great advice, and that fact is, people gotta say something. Whether it's from a place of ignorance or just wanting to chat or from having dealt with GD themselves, who the heck knows, but I firmly believe that stupid people need to be shut up, so I am all for the good comeback, like DM said! I would have a snappy, bitchy one and a kind but firm one for the grannys and such.

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Originally Posted by Cinss

people get more of a response by your facial expression, body language and tone of voice. So head up, smile, look them in the eye and proudly tell them that you are expecting another beautiful baby girl.

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That is totally correct! Excellent point!

With DS3 I just proudly told people "yup we're having a third little prince"! I've noticed if you act proud of your little girls or boys, others wont pity you! For me the gender desire came from others' comments. It wasn't til then that I started feeling like I'm lacking something cause I don't have a good mix. I'm so good at faking it that with this pregnancy I would even tell my sisters and family that I'm super close with things like "I'm hoping for another boy cause I'm just meant to be a boy mom, or I have everything I need and wont have to buy anything, or I'm not sure how I could handle a DD" Etc. Maybe my sisters and mom could see through it, but it's the only way to keep myself from crying. I do have to say--you will always get comments! I just told a stranger at the mall what I'm having after she asked how many boys/girls I have. when I told her I have 3 boys and this one is a girl she said "Oh that poor girl! With all these big brothers she doesn't have a chance!" There you go.....nothing is ever perfect!!!!!