Failed sway - would appreciate any advice on coping

Oh Bodhi I'm so sorry to hear your sway didn't work :( I know how hard it is; I'm pg with DD3 and desperately wanted a son. I was crushed; I always wanted boys, and now I'll have 3 girls. So I feel your pain, and many of us have been there. After I found out this was not a DS for us, I couldn't stand to feel her kick in my belly. I hated that people were constantly asking what I was having and I had to say girl ... again. I deeply regretted the pregnancy. I cried every.single.day, often multiple times a day, for over 2 months.

The only thing that has helped me is time and I honestly think for most anyone with GD that is the best healer. I can say I'm finally at a point where feeling her move doesn't make me upset, and I haven't cried in over a week. But it took me a long time to get here; it's been 12 weeks since I found out and I'm just now barely seeing where I am going to be OK. So be gentle with yourself, let yourself cry, let yourself be angry or whatever it takes. And feel free to vent here; I've been brutally honest with how I felt and never once felt anything other than supported/encouraged by ladies here.

I will say, too, it's interesting because I also have an exceptionally difficult relationship with my mother. Unlike you, I never looked at having a daughter as a chance to have a healthy mother/daughter relationship. I looked at it as a relationship I never wanted to be in again. I think your perspective is much better and I'm going to try to look at my relationship with my girls as an opportunity to have a healthy mother/daughter bond.

Anyhow, you asked about other ideas for bonding. I think additional u/s can be helpful when you're ready. I do think that focusing on this child as a person rather than a boy also helps ... I really didn't want daughters, but I couldn't be happier with the character and personality that I see in my children, KWIM? Think about the things you see in DS1 that you just love, that really have nothing to do with him being a boy. I bet he makes you laugh, I bet he gives you sweet smiles, I bet he lights up when he sees you. All of that has nothing to do with gender, and you'll love so much about this next one too, even if it does take you awhile to bond to him. My 2 DD are so distinct and there are different pieces of me and DH that I see in each of them, and when I think about that instead of just "girl" I do look forward to seeing what this new person will bring to our family.

Plus ITA with others that same gender siblings are awesome for the kids (especially in the long run!) so maybe if DS1 is excited about a little brother that will help you get excited? Have you told him?

Bodhi, 2 of a kind is awesome....they play together so well. My girls are off together and are each other's best friend for life. I know everyone here has given you such great advice already, but I just wanted to say that you WILL be a super important part of your son's lives. How important you are is up to you......sounds like your mom made the decision to not be important, but you are not going to do the same thing, I bet. My DH is super close to his mom, and was more so than his dad, and I know many other guys who are really close to their moms. Don't look at it like they are boys and won't have anything in common with you.....that is so not true (from what I hear from my boy mama friends!). I hope things get easier with time, and I know it's hard. Try to focus on the positive stuff right now, like how you are giving your DS1 the best thing ever and how much fun they will have together....AND what a great mom you are and will continue to be.

Hugs, I def. feel your pain.
Begonia-exactly it for me too-time. I found out the end of Sept. I am having another girl and it ws hard! Only last month did I start to feel better.
The only thing that made me feel better right away that first week was the thought of trying again. Not that I recommend that or don't.
Anyway, after a few weeks went by the other thing that made me feel better was buying new clothes. Even though this is my 3rd girl and I have clothes already, getting some new things made me focus on the actual baby I am carrying now.

I think for me too, once she is here and I immediately fall in love with her that will make it all disappear.
It is hard though, because my son was upset when we told him it was a girl.
He said, "No, you need to talk to the dr., we already have 2 baby sisters." That was the hardest to hear.

definitely give yourself all the time and patience you need and know that you are not sad about the child you are carrying now, you are mourning the loss of an experience you were trying for.

Thank you for your replies. Sorry to drag this thread on and on, I just don't have anywhere else to say these things.

Somehow I thought it would be getting easier by now, but I still feel really low. We had a 3D ultrasound last week, which I thought might help a bit, but instead I just feel even worse. I felt like I was looking at someone else's baby, and had a really hard time acting enthused. I think a small part of me was clinging to hope that maybe the first ultrasound was wrong, and now that hope is gone and I really have to accept another boy.

I took my son swimming today and was surrounded by little girls. I felt like the girl moms were somehow mocking me, like they could tell I was destined to be a boy mom no matter what. I realize this is all in my head, but I can't help feeling it.

The guilt is the absolute worst part. I want my baby to be loved and wanted, but I can't find it in myself to want another boy. I want to believe that these feelings will pass when I meet him, but they didn't when I had my son so I'm not very hopeful. I keep wondering how I'm going to fake being happy :broken:

Sending you lots of hugs. I know that doesn't fix anything, but I'm thinking of you. I know what you mean feeling like you are being judged by girl moms.

I haven't read any of the responses. But bodhi, girl, you are me last year. I swear. To the T. This may offend some, but I seriously would have taken a way out of the pregnancy if it wasn't for my DH. I feel so guilty and terrible writing that as I watch that GD DS right now climbing on the ottoman lol. He is seriously the sweetest baby, I love him to pieces. I have had a horrible relationship with my mother my entire life. And it has changed to zero relationship, we don't speak anymore at all. Nor do I do to my dad because she makes him hate me also. So I understand, maybe that's why I wanted a DD so badly after all. I cried every day after hearing it's a boy. I hated that pregnancy, I seriously just wanted to die. I felt so bad for feeling that way and having so much hate and anger while being pregnant but I really did just want to die. Then, he came early and was very sick. Can you imagine how horrible I felt when that happened? Obviously, I have no advice. I just want you to know you aren't alone. I know the appeal of having a DD. It's like the trophy gender in the USA it seems like to me, everyone assumes everyone wants a DD. If you have one it's like people think you are better because you have one. Not true, but to me, that's how it seems. What traits do you want in a DD? Do you want her to be cuddly, loving, gentle? You can find those traits in a DS. I promise you, every trait I wanted in a DD is in my GD DS. He is the cuddliest baby, he is my shadow, he's always following me around. My 1DS loves to do anything I'm doing. Cooking, cleaning, putting on my high heels (eek, he's only 2 so I let him play lol). I know it doesn't help hearing this. I wrote a post just like about 4 months ago and nothing helped me. I know how you feel by saying you won't be able to help your DS like you could a DD. But, there's no promising your DD will want to go to her HS dances, or get married, or have kids, or want boy advice, or like having her nails painted, or her hair long and pretty. You can try to force her, but that will just make her resent you. I hope you can cope with how you are feeling, I know how dark a place it can be. *hugs*

When I was pregnant with my first baby, I really didnt care about the gender so much..& I ended up with a little girl. My second pregnancy, I was REALLY wanting a boy, as it turned out I had DD2. Then when I got pregnant with #3, I wanted a boy so badly its all I could think about. Before I found out the gender I already had a boy name picked out, bedding picked, EVERYTHING boy picked in my head. Then the day of the ultrasound came..& i heard "Its a GIRL" for the 3rd time in a row. I was devastated. To be honest, I didnt want another girl. As soon as DH & I got to the car, i broke down crying. I felt like Id let him down for not giving him a son (even tho yes I know the man is the one that "chooses" the sex of the baby i still felt like i let him down for not carrying a son for him) he assured me he was fine. The next day, I cried all day long, didnt want to talk to anyone..just wanted to be alone. Then later that day, I looked at DD2 & remembered how badly I wanted a boy with her..but now I couldnt imagine my life without her being in it. So i knew DD3 would the same way. I felt a little better..I found out in July she was a girl, & it took me until probably October to really embrace the idea of having 3 daughters. I was 30 weeks before she had a name, i couldnt find anything I was inlove with (mainly bc i had hoped to be naming a boy) then on December 2 I had the most beautiful baby girl, we named her Khloe. When DD1 & DD2 were born everyone said they looked just like their daddy, which they did & still do. But with DD3 everyone kept saying how much she looked like me, even the doctors & nurses in the nursery! Khloe will be 7 weeks old tomorrow. She looks more & more like me everyday. I look around at families that have 3, & it seems that most got mixed genders..sometimes I think, why couldnt I have gotten a boy out of just ONE of my three??! But then I think...then I wouldnt have Kaylee (DD1), Kennedy (DD2), or Khloe (DD3) & i truly couldnt imagine not having them in my life..believe me..i STILL want a little boy, more than anyone could know. Ive talked hubby into ONE MORE..but he says that is it, he doesnt want a 5th. So hopefully in the next year & a half to 2 yrs we can try for baby #4, and i hope like heck its a boy!! but if its Gods will for me to be an all girl mom, then I know ill love DD4 just as much as I love my 3 now. Altho i think a part of me will always wonder what life wouldve been like with a son.

Keep your head up, it takes time to heal, but i promise it gets better! Good luck to you :)