My failed boy sway

Hi Shiro, id like to chime in with my story in hopes I can help cheer you up! I got pregnant with DD1 in 2014 and immediately figured it must be a boy...everyone in my family had had boys first including my mother and I had always imagined having a son first. I bought boy outfits and searched for boy themed nursery gear soon after getting a positive urine test (which I now know is completely idiotic! Lol) Well when we got the call about the DNA results and found out it was a girl I was heartbroken. My boy was lost and I stored his clothes in the back of my closet. I immediately became anxious thinking of all I would have to teach her about being a woman in this world and feared the dangers she may face. I wasn’t too excited about the pregnancy didn’t even want a baby shower and just went through the motions faking it. Well she was born in 2015 after over a day of labor and let me tell you...time stopped completely. I was immediately enamored with her. The first year was still difficult but when she started talking she truly stole my heart. She is so absolutely funny and I see some of myself in her albeit she is daddy’s girl all the way. She’s my princess and my mini me and even though she is opposite to me in a lot of ways I’ve learned to appreciate her uniqueness and inquisitiveness. With DD2 I was sure she would be my boy of course because everyone has one of each right? Well queue another girl result and I will admit I was disappointed. Well of course again the day she was born my heart was stolen again. DD2 is my exact clone whereas DD1 is her daddy all the way. People comment wondering how we each made our own mini me lol. After she was born I looked up ways to conceive a boy as my sister in law told me diet was a factor in her getting her 2 boys. The gender disappointment forum of this site helped me tremendously in overcoming my GD and I know you too soon will find your journey...it may take time but I trust you will get there. For me, there’s something so innate and intrinsically beautiful about bringing a life into the world and as we often have to put our feelings aside to be a mother I feel the feelings of GD also get pushed aside when you come to experience your children for who they are in their own way. :) good luck on your journey!

Shiro- I’ll be brief for now but will say this.
Siblings’ regardless of gender, will bicker and fight at times, but most of time, will be best friends (and partners in crime!). The way I see it, them having sisters is a gift...they don’t « miss » the brother they don’t have, the way I feel I miss « my son ».
I know growing up we will have to be extra careful’of them getting sufficient attention each and catering to’ them individually as best we’ can, because when siblings are all the same gender I think it can be easy to amalgamate them into « the girls » and manage them as a group only, or mainly.
Some situations this is ok, but that’s not ok all the time... mine are 5.5, almost 3.5 and’ my youngest almost 10 months so their Needs’ are quite different still but I guess there will be stages where they will be closer.
Also, their own relationships will change over time - age, affinities´, activities etc..I know my two brothers had stages where they wanted to be together always’, do everything together, then stages where they didn’t and fought, wanted their own space and individuality :)

I have found it somewhat freeing from gender stereotypes when you have a lot of one gender...with my 4 boys, none of them really seem to feel any pressure to be "the boy" (unfortunately I do sometimes think my daughter feels the pressure of girldom, but I digress). Instead they sort of just found their own niche in the family - the musician, the artist, the farm boy, the computer genius - and none of them are super concerned with looking like "manly men". They just seem freer from the stereotypes of "this is what you must do to be a MAN" kind of stuff than some others I've seen, and I chalk it up to them being in an all boy family. Everyone was "the boy" so no one had to be representing all their parental hopes, LOL.

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Originally Posted by shiroshiro

Thanks Atomic. Perhaps a baby girl will help me heal from our first loss too.

Do you have a link why your site attracts more girl swayers?

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It's the case on every swaying site. For some reason there are way more pink swayers than blue. I am assuming it's because admitting that you want a boy is seen in some quarters as being a little politically incorrect, coupled with the fact that maybe it is hubbies who experience the son desire a little more acutely and this is kind of a woman's website really (although I have had a couple male clients swaying blue recently, so I hope that can change). I personally wanted a boy desperately with my first so I know for a fact it isn't just men - but that men are more open to admitting the desire than women are. :)

I have three daughters and it’s awesome. Don’t get me wrong the GD was hard - especially the third time around. I still get pangs (she’s one now) but I wouldn’t change any one of them for the world - and I love watching them play. They also each have very different personalities which is lovely. Xx


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Originally Posted by bigfootisreal

For me, there’s something so innate and intrinsically beautiful about bringing a life into the world and as we often have to put our feelings aside to be a mother I feel the feelings of GD also get pushed aside when you come to experience your children for who they are in their own way. :) good luck on your journey!

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Thank you bigfootisreal! I hope that once I begin to see beyond the "female fetus" and meet her for the individual that she is, that it'd all vanish into thin air and I will just be the mother I want to be!

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Originally Posted by bigfootisreal

Hi Shiro, id like to chime in with my story in hopes I can help cheer you up! I got pregnant with DD1 in 2014 and immediately figured it must be a boy...everyone in my family had had boys first including my mother and I had always imagined having a son first. I bought boy outfits and searched for boy themed nursery gear soon after getting a positive urine test (which I now know is completely idiotic! Lol) Well when we got the call about the DNA results and found out it was a girl I was heartbroken. My boy was lost and I stored his clothes in the back of my closet. I immediately became anxious thinking of all I would have to teach her about being a woman in this world and feared the dangers she may face. I wasn’t too excited about the pregnancy didn’t even want a baby shower and just went through the motions faking it. Well she was born in 2015 after over a day of labor and let me tell you...time stopped completely. I was immediately enamored with her. The first year was still difficult but when she started talking she truly stole my heart. She is so absolutely funny and I see some of myself in her albeit she is daddy’s girl all the way. She’s my princess and my mini me and even though she is opposite to me in a lot of ways I’ve learned to appreciate her uniqueness and inquisitiveness. With DD2 I was sure she would be my boy of course because everyone has one of each right? Well queue another girl result and I will admit I was disappointed. Well of course again the day she was born my heart was stolen again. DD2 is my exact clone whereas DD1 is her daddy all the way. People comment wondering how we each made our own mini me lol. After she was born I looked up ways to conceive a boy as my sister in law told me diet was a factor in her getting her 2 boys. The gender disappointment forum of this site helped me tremendously in overcoming my GD and I know you too soon will find your journey...it may take time but I trust you will get there. For me, there’s something so innate and intrinsically beautiful about bringing a life into the world and as we often have to put our feelings aside to be a mother I feel the feelings of GD also get pushed aside when you come to experience your children for who they are in their own way. :) good luck on your journey!

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The exact same as bigfoot, nothing more, nothing less. It took more time for GD to disappear with DD2 but it may be because she was a surprise baby and I was planning on swaying and was disappointed I had lost my chance to do so. Still feel a lot of pangs but it's because there have been nothing but blue births around me for the past three years and I feel even more of a failure than I should :tissue: seems so easy for them to have only boys or boy/girl...

I still wanted a girl mind you, but for many reasons (the biggest one being : I don't have a mother and doesn't know what it's like to have one), I was in no hurry to have a daughter. I was okay with my second or third child being a girl but wished to start with a boy... Boys I can manage. Grew up with them. Acted like a mother/sister figure to some. I think I have a rough idea about what they need, what they want, how they get things done...

Still, being at a total loss with 2 girls doesn't mean I can't spend quality time with them. I love seeing them grow, experiment, learn... We have fun, we cuddle... I just try to give what I would have wanted to receive from a mother I guess. I'm just not sure I'm doing it right. At least, they laugh every day.

Pretty sure you will manage shiro !

Ps : don't worry if the GD doesn't disappear at birth, sometimes it may take a few months, even a year or two. If it's not the first eye contact, it will be the first laugh. If not, it will be her first word, her first footsteps, her first anything really... Give it time and don't think too much about it.