Why do you want that dream gender, anyway?

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Originally Posted by secretly sad

This is a really good question. OK here goes - I don't really know why I am so desperate for a dd to be honest. I love my boys so much (as does all the other ladies on this forum) but I just feel like there is something missing. My parents are quite wealthy and I can honestly say that money doesn't buy happiness. I had a very stable upbringing but my father was extremely strict. He stopped work in his 40's because he didn't have to work anymore, however it certainly was not the best idea because he became an alcoholic. I have lived with this for so many years now and watched it basically destroy my mother and rip our family apart. I have learnt to understand this "illness" as best as can but it is so hard. Anyway, I could go on and on but my point is that when he is drinking heavily it makes my gd so much worse to the point where I am so desperate for a dd it is not real! Why do you guys think this is happening? I can't believe I have typed this as I have covered up for my father for so many years. Thank you for listening... x

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It's cathartic to write out, isn't it? My initial post back in the summer mentioned that part of my gd came from past sexual abuse when I was a little girl but I took that part out because I feel like people didn't know what to say, so I edited it. It's just a part of my history, I don't know. And something I'd like to "right" for my own dd, I'd want to protect her and be there in ways that someone wasn't there for me. But that’s not all of it. I bet we could go all day long on this thread and each of us could probably take up a good long session with a shrink trying to get to the bottom of it. But it’s not even like a dd would right the wrongs that were done to me. It’s more like I believe she’d be a little closer to what I’m like, and that we could relate in so many ways that a son just might not be interested in.

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Originally Posted by tiffany12345

"the heart wants what the heart wants".

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That's it, in a nutshell!

Well- my mom passed away 6 months ago today (on my younger son's 3rd birthday). :). She had been diagnosed almost exactly a year earlier. My boys were my mom's world- but she always wanted a granddaughter as well.......probably mostly because she knew I wanted a girl too. My mom and I were best friends. Not a day went by that we didn't speak to each other- and I miss her more than my words could ever express. Before she knew she was definitely going to die- she wrote individual letters to me, my dad, and my brother. In mine she said she hoped I had a little girl one day so that I could once again have a mother-daughter relationship. I feel really broken without her.

I hope with everything in me that this little bean I'm carrying is my little girl. I would not trade my boys for anything- but I also can't shake this desperate yearning....

Oh girls I am so upset reading your posts. I really hope that one day we all have our dd's to love and cherish as well as our ds's. xxx

I've always dreamed of the cute dresses and putting pig tails in her hair, buying pink, bows and barbie dolls as a little girl. When she gets older and sharing shopping trips, girl talks, the relationship between the mother and daughter. I am already seeing my oldest gravitate more to my DH with football and sports. Once they are all older and into their sports, they won't want to hang with their old mom. I call my mom almost every day. I want to keep that relationship with my daughter some day...hopefully..

I grew up having a horrible relationship with my mom. That's why I want a DD, to "compensate" for this and give a little girl the childhood and loving mom that I never had. I'm lucky that I'm able to give 2 little boys a good childhood and be a loving mom to them, and hope that if I never have a DD, I can still feel that I'm compensating by giving my sons everything I never had.

I am also worried about when they get older and a DIL comes in the picture, will they then favor her family? Will they take the grandkids to visit her family more often? Will we just stand by the sideline? All this worries me...

Luckily I really hate pink frilly dresses and plan on dressing any future DD's in my boys baby clothes :giggle:

I'm hoping for a girl. I'm no psychiatrist but I suspect it has something to do with a couple of very personal, traumatic experiences in my early childhood that have to do with men (including my father). I love my little boy more than anything, but I have to say I never pictured myself with boys. I always wanted to be a "girl mom." I also never had a close relationship with my own mother...we spent more time fighting than anything. I really long for that close mother-daughter relationship that I never experienced. And lastly, both my mom and DH's mom had boy/girl/boy/girl children, so I just assumed that, this being my second child, it would be a girl. But alas, it's another boy. We'll try one more time, although the when is uncertain. Hoping the third time's the charm for me.

Wonderful thread! although as I read through it, I noticed there were only a handful of replies for wanting sons. I am hoping to sway pink, and my reasons are not much different than any of the previously posted. I desire the frill, fun, future bond. So I will post my thoughts on my previous pregnancy. Prior to finding out the gender, my mother asked me "do you want it to be a boy or girl?" Of course I just wanted it to be healthy, and that would've been my stock answer to anyone else who asked. However, as I was talking to my mom, I could be completely open and honest. I though about it for a moment and decided that I wanted a boy. I wanted a baby boy to dress up in argyle and plaid galor. haha I wanted a sweet little boy, whod grow up with the curiosity and energy that only little boys have. I wanted a boy who would litter my home with sports gear and trophies, that daddy could be proud of and i could spend my days cleaning up. I wanted a young man to grow up and become strong and independent like his father, yet understanding and loving like his mother. ;) I wanted a strong family man, with strong values and morals, that I could be proud to call my son. I had a difficult road with my first pregnancy and I knew it could be my first and last, when I delivered a healthy baby boy, I was over the moon. I had gotten anything and everything I could ever hope for. I can't wait to see my dreams of him, for him, to come true as he grows.

For me it wasn't about having a girl, it was about having both genders. If I had two girls I'd want just as desperately to have a boy right now.

Having to experience both genders is a blessing to realize things about the opposite gender to have an appreciation for them and know my DH better.

Because she is an ache in my heart and soul that I can not make go away.

That is a great and hard question to answer. I don't have one solid reason, just that a part of me will always long to have a daughter. I love to do the "traditional" woman things, cook, craft, sew, makeup etc and always thought that I would have someone to share and do these things with. I look at my husband with our boys and feel jealous of his connection with them, and pray one day to have the same.

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Originally Posted by auroara78

I've had my little girl in my heart since I was a little girl myself.

I wore tons of dresses and refused to wear pants to school until the 6th grade! I loved my Barbie dolls and even those porcelain doll babies, and loved to dress my dolls in ball gowns and have 'beauty pagents' with them...but then I played Atari with my older brother for so many hours...and during 11th grade, I beat my Homecoming date at Mortal Kombat 2, since I had gotten so good playing it with my brother. So I had a great balanced childhood as far as indulging and learning about boy things (from my brother) but still wearing the dresses, having the princess fantasies, etc. (I loved Disney as a kid, you know, all that stuff...)

So I always felt so deeply in my bones that I would have girl(s) that having boys was a shock to my system. I just had this quiet knowledge about myself, so when I had my second son, I started to doubt that vision, and then I started to question myself: why did I really have to have this GIRL anyway? What about having a girl would complete me?

This question still strikes at me, even now that I am having my desired gender.

Of course i would be lying if I said I wasn't going to totally enjoy the girly stuff: the cute dresses, ruffles, the extra attention to cute little details that are in girl clothes. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to brushing her hair, and us having a mommy-daughter mani thing going once in a while. But mostly, I really desire a raise a strong female.

I have worked super hard to be where I am today. I have a Master's degree that I am very proud of, and despite the fact that I do work, I am super proud that I earn enough that my husband can stay home and watch the kids. I love the role reversal, and love the fact that my husband gets to show our boys that men can cook and clean too, that everyone can pitch in for the family, it doesn't always have the mother doing the cooking.

So my dreams for my desired gender is I want to raise an informed, educated young woman, and I hope she'll love reading, too. I hope we can spend hours together discussing books in the future, and that I can help her with boy problems, etc. I just really, really want to experience the mother-daughter bond, as complicated as it can be.

For my sons, who bless their heart, are so lovely and sweet and so unexpectantly what I NEEDED, I want to raise them to be strong men who are caring and intuned with what females need/want. I want my sons to be free to be them, not to be constrained by male stereotypes. My oldest son and I make dessert all the time, and I love watching him mix the ingredients together, I love how he's become my helper in the kitchen when it's my turn to cook (weekends.) I love how he tells me I'm his very best friend.

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IDK if it's the pregnancy hormones or what, but I am sitting here bawling reading this. I sometimes wonder what was the pull of a girl for me, even though I am now having one.

I only found out two days ago and my DS went along to watch the ultrasound. Afterward, I went to the chapel in the hospital to say thank you. My son followed me in and I saw him staring at the cross. I hear him praying "thanks for making mommy happy" and for some reason that made me sad.

Why weren't boys enough for me? Why I did spend so many years longing for a daughter? I may never understand.

I guess its because I know how much I wanted a daughter so Im sure deep down my dh would want a father-son relationship even though he says he doesn't care.

Well with myself I really wanted my 3rd to be a boy only because I'd love to know what it would be like raising a son, doing boy stuff you know?

To me it's about experiencing motherhood being a little girl's mum. I know how close my mum and I are and I would like to share the same kind of connection with a daughter. I am not saying boys are not close to their mothers, I think they are sometimes even more affectionate towards their mum than girls are, but I feel that a mother-daughter relationship is a different one, and I also want to experience that, as I already know how fantastic it is to have a wonderful relationship with a son. I know in my heart I will not suffer from GD even if I have another boy, as I truly cherished every moment with my 3 boys and I have already come to terms with the fact that I may never have a girl as this is my last try, BUT I would just like to experience motherhood with a girl, I am an expert in raising boys and would like to try something different this time :) But will not be terribly upset if I don't get my dream gender either.

I have always dreamed of having a little girl. I love each of my boys more then I could have ever imagined but there is still that part of me that feels as if my family is not yet complete.

Maybe it is because there is a part of me that wants the mother/daughter relationship that I always wanted with my mom. I accept the relationship that my mother and I share now but would love to enjoy it with my own daughter. It isn't just the dresses and the girly stuff because I am sure with four brothers she will be a tom-boy herself but I know that is some of it. I would love to empower her with the importance of being a strong female through her thinking and the things she does. I would also love to see my husband with a little girl. He loves his boys to pieces but I have seen him with our nieces and can just imagine him with his own daughter.

I pray that the higher power will see it fit to send us a girl this time because this is our last one.

I have 5 beautiful boys. I got pregnant for the 6th time and my darling first daughter was stillborn at 24.5 weeks :-( I conceived again 8 weeks later and long for a princess (there's not been one apart from my daughter since me)
Thinking this is another boy though. So long as its born screaming I'm ok but I still dream of a daughter

I want two girls! I have a brother and we aren't close, it's like the only thing we have in common is being related. Every women I know with sisters are close, they phone just to chat, go shopping, go on days out etc. of course I know that you can get personality clashes where siblings just don't get on but I think its fairly rare to flat out have zero relationship with a sister its either love or hate where as it's so much harder to keep close with a brother, i love mine but we are basically just strangers if that makes sense. I literally know no one who has a close relationship with their brother into adulthood. Soooo just to ask for the moon, I want a daughter for myself, and then a sister for my daughter!

My mother and I had a difficult relationship when she split up with my dad and consequently we weren't close for about 10 years. I feel like I missed out so I'd like a close mother/daughter bond with my own child. I also want to give my partner a devoted daddy's girl, like I was. That's it really. I feel like I connect better with girls as I'm a girly girl myself.

My gender scan is actually tomorrow, guesses on my scan would be appreciated. x

I sit and wrack my brains everyday wondering what the reasons are for wanting a girl, I have two boys who are my world, I can't think if anything they don't give me apart from pink! I fear it's other people's input that makes me feel like I need a girl! X

I see it's been a wee while since anyone posted but I want to put my dream out there.
I did not want children. The thought of being responsible for someone else for at least 18 years scared me and I definitely did not want girls. I have 9 siblings; 6 sisters (inc. a set of twins) & 3 brothers (oldest, middle & youngest). Those of us who have gone on to have children have produced 8 girls and 1 boy so far. 3 siblings are currently pregnant and 1 is having her 2nd girl.
The odds were stacked against us to begin with but I had a dream of having boy-girl-boy, none of which I wanted to have August or December birthdays due to the school year cut off and December being all about the 25th.
I was convinced my DD1 was a boy and had boys names and refused to even think of girls names or look at clothes till the 20 week scan. We were having a girl due 15th August. I had GD for a few days and was in shock for the first. I came round to her being a girl when hubby picked out her name; I'm rubbish with girls names.
2nd time round, I had been looking at gender swaying and was hoping to ntnp for 3 months but the moment took us on our anniversary:oops: and although we dtd on my o'day, 20 week scan confirmed another girl due 18th December. I did feel different this time, not sick but nauseous and some days it felt like I wasn't pregnant with no symptoms or hunger. I hoped for a boy but as we didn't change anything prior to conception, I made peace with baby being most likely a girl. During that 20wk scan and before we asked about G, baby wouldn't empty their bladder and we seemed to hold our collective breath waiting for it. Luckily baby did and by then we didn't care because she was going to be healthy. I was dismayed by well meaning comments of 'maybe next time' or 'they might have it wrong', and was very protective of her when she was born.
Both my girls were delivered by c-section and big babies with 2nd weighing 10lb 6oz. 2nd was an elective so I think this will probably be our last chance to at least try.
I yearn to give DH a son and my girls the baby brother they ask for. As for me, I've always loved baby boys and I'd love the chance to buy boy stuff for a boy, DD1 is a tomboy like me so has a few boy clothes and toys but its not the same. I just want to know what its like to parent both sexes and complete our family. If it were to be another girl and we'd given the sway a very shot then I'd know we destined to be a daughter household but I wouldn't feel like we were done and would want to try again and I'm not sure I could cope with 4 girls!!!
My friends have come out of a baby boom which consisted of mostly boys with 2 not wanting to share with me as they both had had girls first in same year I'd had DD1 and thought I'd be jealous or upset, I'm more gutted I can't help them or visit due to distance.
In conclusion I just want to have my boy, stop having babies and help, enjoy and watch them all grow.
Though if I succeed in swaying for one boy, I might wonder about swaying for another - sshhhh!

Thanks for reading

I know the feeling. I didn't really want kids, but once I had my first, I was addicted lol
I had a boy first, so I then felt that a little girl would be great second time around, or at least somewhere in the mix.......
I now have 3 boys, 4.5yo, 2.5yo and 1yo. My sister has girl, boy, girl......

My partner had the snip, so I am unable to sway, although I'm not sure I would risk swaying.

So I am planning to head to Thailand or US for IVF/PGD to select a female to be transferred in late 2014, early 2015 :)

Can't wait to have a baby girl :)


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My husband and I always wanted 3 kids. He wanted at least a girl. I wanted at least a boy. We both wanted a mixed family. After our first I had such a hard time that I wasn't sure if we wanted still 3. That's the reason why we went HT. we wanted a mixed family. After transferring boys and girls (ht was a hard road and we weren't sure we could get pregnant at all) we did get another boy. Its was such an easy delivery and such an easy child that we decided to go ahead with trying for a mixed family. I hope we will get there once......

After our oldest was born I couldn't imagine having another one.

20 months later I had finally given away all of her baby items...then my period was late. I wasn't pregnant but it made us realize we weren't finished.

Dd2 is 7 months young now, we just lost a surprise baby early in the pregnancy...and after seeing our brand new twin nieces...we got baby fever again.

We're hoping to sway for a boy ! I want to be finished by the time I'm 30 next year..hopefully it'll happen.

As a child growing up in a one child family for most of the time (I have a step-brother that I saw every 2nd weekend). I always wanted 4 kids. I decided I would have a boy first, his name would be Jordan. After my boy, I wanted a girl. I didn't care what gender I got after that.

I fell pregnant with my first child at 17. For months we called my belly Jordan. When we found out we were having a girl, I cried. I was happy she was healthy but, all I wanted was my boy. Thankfully I got used to the idea, I was beyond excited once she came along and wanted another baby right away, lol. I fell pregnant when my eldest was 3 months old. Sadly, that little once wasn't to be and I often wonder if that was my boy. Then came along DD#2 and DD#3 and DD#4. Each time I have had another bub, I have had gender disappointment. In fact up until recently I had forgotten just how much it had an affect on me till I re-read my mothers group post from when I found out we had another girl on the way. I almost sounded distraught knowing I had another girl coming. I do have a nephew and some baby boy second cousins but, it's just not the same,

I just want a little boy to buy cute clothes for, spike his hair up. I can't explain it, I just want my little boy!

ETA: I love my girls to bits, I wouldn't change them for the world.

I don't really understand my desire for a girl.
I only have brothers and was a complete tom boy as a child. Although I did beg my mum on several occasions for a little sister. I never wore skirts and dresses, even now at 27 I feel uncomfortable in a skirt and don't know how to do cute girly hair styles.
My dad wasn't around and my step dad was abusive to me. It was drummed into me from a young age (he was around since I was 2 years old) that boys were superior to girls, girls were only good for one thing. For a long time after he began abusing me I wished I was a boy. Then I began wishing I had had older brothers, instead of younger brothers, so I could have been protected rather than the protector. My mother and I have an awful relationship.
I didn't want marriage or kids. When I finally met a man who I trusted and suddenly over night went from wanting no kids to loads, I wanted boys, boys were better, boys were stronger, people didn't abuse boys, but I assumed we'd get a mix. I hoped I had a boy first. Preferably 2 boys first.
So I got my boy, then I got my 2nd boy. Then, oh joy, I got a 3rd boy! My little girl, when she came along was going to be so well protected. I got excited to have a girl, and my best friend had had a daughter around the same time my 3rd arrived. I'd stood in the pink section dreaming of how one day I'd hold my little girl. I started to picture her and imagine what we'd do together. I actually wanted a girl now. The pretty dresses and different range of toys certainly made it seem more appealing too.
We began ttc, and 2 and a half years later I finally got my bfp. This had to be my girl. I wanted her enough and it took so long to conceive that I had to have a girl to make the long wait 'worth it'.
I obviously got a 4th boy, and so here I am.
When I think about it though, aside from doing all those girly things, shopping trips and girly DVDs and buying the pretty frilly clothes, I don't have a fantastic reason or a life long dream for a girl. I don't understand it, I just know my heart aches for her.


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I never explained why. Wow. Go me . Ha !

I love having my girls and kind of scared of little boys . Lol But a part of me just can't let it go, somehow I want a boy . For my husband I reckon. Plus, there's only 1 grandson out of 6 grand kids on J's side. There's a little competition going on for that. Haha ! His brother tried for 1 more boy and got twin girls...psh !! :-p

Also our 3 year old says she wants a brother ..the other day she picked up my mom'a phone and told the person on the other line that we were going to have a boy . Hahaha. Not right now sweet thing . ;-)


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