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Any loss is hard. I lost my identical twins early but I saw them on an ultrasound three times. It's heartbreaking. I never completely understood what it was to lose a baby, let alone two. We are here to support each other.
I'm sorry harleyquinn, I actually understand why this comment 'if i were you' upset you :tissue: i'm sure she didn't mean to hurt you, but I get that she did unintentionally. I'm also sorry your receiving hatefull pm's here, that's just evil, sick and insane from the people who are sending you this! :nono:
Back ontopic: I didn't sway with my boy's and even though I'm happy I didn't, I still have a desire for a girl. It just won't stop and only gets worse as time without my daughter passes... I get it hun, I do. I really hope you get a healthy baby and a girl would be a bonus! I also hope you still feel safe enough to share your story and feelings here and I hope the hatefull people will stay away or keep their comments to theirselves.
This whole process is a horrible set of conflicts in many ways. When you said Harley, that you feel your body is betraying you by being fertile when you're still grieving your loss, I completely get that only I feel like I'm the other way around, my body is still desperately trying to keep this pregnancy going even though my baby's gone, and I'm betraying it by thinking of TTC again. I just can't bear not being pregnant, I got into this for the whole 9 months, not just over 2. Before this loss I wondered how anyone could "forget" about their lost baby by TTC again straightaway, but almost as soon as I saw my bean with no heartbeat I had this desperate need to still be pregnant and I suddenly got how wanting to TTC again immediately isn't a betrayal. I will never forget this baby and I will miss him/her every day. I just hope I can have a rainbow baby soon who will make sense of the hell I'm in just now. Hope that makes sense.
I just want to :tissue: for us all, this is truly the hardest and most painful experience of my life.
X
So sorry emmyroo, it is so hard :tissue: It's not replacing your baby, it's needing another reason to go on. At least that's what it was like for me...
I was honestly quite surprised at the depth of my feelings at only a little less than 5 weeks. But no matter how much I wanted to treat it like just another late period, it just wasn't. And I didn't even have to go through having seen the bub on a u/s or heard the heartbeat and having it feel so much more realized as a person.
I do believe it's a biological instinct, that the moment your body and mind knows you're pregnant, no matter if it's just a tiny wee bunch of cells......it's a person with a lifetime of hopes and dreams. It's Mother Nature's way of ensuring the survival of our species, this strong protective urge.
I like what I've read on other forums, about this little angel bean being the protective angel guardian for your future babies. Or if you at all believe in reincarnation, that the soul of your baby is not bound in this earthly form, but its spirit is waiting to come to you. And the mortal 'vessel' if you will, that was lost in the m/c was simply a physical body that wasn't healthy and well for that spirit to embody. I kind of like that, that my baby is still waiting to come to me.
But I do feel like I'm a wiser and better person for having had to go through this. More mature and with a 'richer' soul for having had pain as well as joy. I hope that makes sense!
Should of been deleted. NOBODY should ever be made to feel that way.
Here is the thing tho. (and I'm going to explain this ONE time and not reply to any arguments about it or even read this thread again so no one needs bother to try and engage me here or via PM because it will fly on forever into cyberspace with no response.) On IG the "delete this, delete that" jazz was way out of hand and it turned people into hypersensitive tattletails, and also encouraged people to be overly harsh because they knew they could say stuff intended to hurt feelings and enrage people, then it would be deleted.
We have made the decision on this site, to not be delete-happy. Only spam has been deleted, hardly anything has ever been locked even, and we are relying on the honor system for both sides - people are expected to be sensitive to others' feelings but at the same time are also expected to give people the benefit of the doubt and not immediately jump to the worst case scenario and read negative implications that were not intended.
It takes two to tango and so I really really hope that everyone will walk away from this and go peaceably about their business and keep this site being a very friendly and supportive place to be.
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I'm really sad and sorry that this thread has turned out this way--I don't like to see anyone feeling hurt on here, and especially those of us who have had losses. I really appreciate the fact that I'm not the only one who has gone through this, and I really want to keep that sense of community--and support--if at all possible.
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Stop it now. That's it. I have had enough. We know you feel hurt but nothing was done with intent. This has become obsessive and you are the only one acting to escalate anything at this point. Any more posts from you regarding that one particular comment will be deleted.
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Harley, as far as I can see, you continue to stab, grind and attempt to murder the individual that made a comment that was offensive to you but had no intent behind it.
I don't care what an individual has been through, it doesn't mean you can berate someone over and over. You didn't earn that right because some terrible things happened to you.
Read through the thread. You are the only one causing drama. In fact , you are the only one causing drama on the entire site. We don't play that way here. I left all that bull behind and I refuse to let you do that here too.
And you've brought awareness to yourself. Mission accomplished.
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Is anyone still on this thread at all? I would love to chat with anyone who is ttc after a loss. I just had my first cycle since miscarraige and was going to start ttc again. Would love to chat :) Nicely though ;)
Hi,
Good luck with TTC, my doc told me to wait 3 months before TTC so I did but have had 3 BFNs since and now its getting close to when I was meant to be due (15 Nov) and not being pregnant is making me sad again as I thought it would happy quickly. How are you feeling? do you have any kids or was that your first?
The anniversary of my due date was awful for me. Even more awful, was the anniversariy of my m/c. I've been TTC for a year now. Not trying to bring anyone down, just letting you know that I share your pain.
Maybe we can start a new sticky :)
Thanks wannagirl, I hope it happens for you soon...the wait is so hard but it will be worth it :) I am feeling ok, it's hard but I try to be positive. My doc said to wait one cycle so we did and now I'm ready. I have three girls 2nd miscarraige, first was in between dd2 and 3. It's weird though as both my miscarraiges have been when I swayed. Ppl have actually asked me if it could be that they were boys.....Really?
Anchor, I did not know its been a year you have been trying. That must be so frustrating, I hope it happens soon for you.
It is hard, but you do what you have to do...am I right? Unfortunately my age is playing the better hand. I haven't given up yet.Quote:
Originally Posted by Mackenzie
:fx: it happens soon for both of us.
Yes fingers crossed! You deserve it!
Hi All! I am getting ready to try again this month. We have had two miscarriages this year (May & August), the second was a boy -we did the chromosome analysis and all that but didn't do anything for the 1st one b/c were told it was "just a chance thing". Sorry for TMI - we had been using condoms since August b/c knew we would be trying again in a few months and last week decided just to let nature take it's course. I was ok with that b/c we were getting ready to try anyway but then got pretty anxious about the thought of being pregnant again, not b/c I don't want to be but b/c both times this year, we saw the baby and a heartbeat. This last time, I thought, and even the OB thought, I was "out of the woods" and then when I went for a recheck the baby had passed away. I am waiting for AF to come now and then we will try for real. My heart is aching for a baby but does anybody feel the same anxiety about being pregnant again?
I am so sorry for your loss. I totally understand, it's so hard. I've only had one m/c (@ 12 weeks), but doc was sure it was a chromosomal abnormality. I've been TTC for the last year, and every cycle I freak out during the 2ww, but then I'm almost relieved when I get the BFN, IYKWIM. I think it would destroy me if it were to happen again. HUGS to you, I hope you are able to find peace somehow.
Thanks Anchor. I appreciate your kind words. We went and had every test under the sun. I have seen MFM doctor, rheumatologist, endocrinologist and geneticists. We both had chromosomal analysis done in addition to the baby and everything came back normal for us. Our second son had triploidy and 4 copies of chromosome 13. I guess it helped to know all of that but there is still an emptiness inside. I keep telling myself that it will happen and we will be able to have another healthy baby. I just get so anxious in the meantime. Anyway, good luck to you as well. I hope it happens for you soon. FX that we both get healthy little ones!!
:fx: for both of us!
I know how you feel kellbell, I've just had my second misc too and I'm worried about having anxiety the next time around. I guess al we can do is hope for the best. Good luck to all :)