Those with (or from) large families

I can see a great bond between ds1 (8) and ds 4 (6months) which I hope remains and that he will see him as someone he can turn to in times of need and talk to if he feels he can not talk to us.
At the moment my boys love that they have things that used to be their brothers (it isn't all hand me downs but some) we only do sharing presents for big things like games consoles and they think that getting a sharing presents means that they have been 'good brothers' through the year. They also don't mind sharing a room and although we do need more space there will still be 2 in each room. If we only had 2 kids we would probably stay in this house with no plans to move so they would still share. I shared with both my brothers till I was 7 then I missed them and was jealous they got to be in together while I was alone.
Dh and I are both one of 3, but we were both from families where you were left to get on with in.
Last night ds1 and I went out together for dinner, leaving the other 3 with daddy. Before he went to bed he gave me a hug and thanked me for taking him. I almost cried! He says cuddles are for babies so to get a hug, with no prompting, was wonderful.


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Both my parents were the youngest children of parents who had children into their late 40s, and they had me and my brother at 36/47 & 43/54 years old. Also, all my aunts, uncles, cousins etc lived on other continents. I always felt so lonely/alone and fantasized about having 12 kids and huge holiday gatherings. My brother and I fought badly for most of my childhood and still don't get along well, even though the seven year gap should mean less now that we are both adults. We are both estranged from our parents, too. I'd give anything for more siblings!

I really want 6 but I'm too old at this point and hoping I can manage 4.

My brothers and I fought, like most siblings I suppose, but we were also the best of friends most of the time. We were so close until I moved out. There was a disagreement with my mum and she cut contact, and they just stuck with her. We are now in contact again, but the reason for our disagreement still hangs between us, unspoken. And so it keeps my brothers and I from becoming close again.
My mum was an only child and wanted a sibling for me. She ended up with twins lol
There is an age gap between me and dh. He is 45 while I'm 27. This is a factor for me in how many children we will have as well as how closely together.


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this isn't a bigger v. smaller family per se reply but I was an only child till I was 11 and then my mom and stepdad, and dad and stepmom had more kids. I did a ton of stuff to help out and for the most part I enjoyed and benefited from it immensely.

Without intending to, I then did the same thing having my 3 littlez when my older sons were 16 and 13. I also think it benefited them as well.

When I look around the world I see a lot of spoiled, mean, greedy, self-entitled people and even tho I totally understand it can suck to look around and see the kids who have everything, and think that it would be better to be them, coming from a big family also has its own set of perks in that you may learn skills and a different definition of happiness beyond the sheer accumulation of "things" that a kid who has everything may not and in fact may never be able to learn.

When I was an only child I also felt a very great pressure from my parents who would watch everything I did 24-7 because they had no one else to distract them and let me just say it was NOT. GOOD.

(and this does not mean or imply that anyone with 1-2 kids is in any way spoiling their kids or that big families are better in any way, I'm just saying that there are hidden benefits beyond "Ashley has her own car and is taking a trip to Hawaii while I am stuck here changing my sister's didey" that may not be obvious on the surface.)

Really got inspired by all these lovely comments. Wanted to add my bit too but something got in the way every time!
I've always wanted to have a big family(5, ideally 3 girls and 2 boys or vice versa) since my dad married my latest step mum and they had 8 kids. I loved every minute of it, although not so sure about my brother.
Also DH comes from a family of 7 where he was the eldest and it was so nice hearing that he enjoyed having so many younger siblings when we first met. And we immediately knew we wanted a big family.
My mum on the other hand, only ever wanted 2 cause she already had her dd (me) and then my brother, so, perfect family. But sadly she passed away when I was only 4!
It almost sounds ridiculous but I wouldn't have learnt the things I have learnt from having a lot of other siblings if it were only me and my brother. :think:
And I would have still wanted to have a big family too and wouldn't have enjoyed having an only brother, as we were both spoilt rotten.
Not that we weren't when we had all these other siblings, but differently.
As for my brother he's dating his long term girlfriend who comes from a large family too and loooves kids!

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Totally agree with Atomic. Only children can turn out so badly and yes, the pressure/over-attention on them is frequently problematic. There are no guarantees but I do believe that most people benefit from having at least one sibling close-ish in age and I think large families are far superior to only children in most cases, in terms of resulting personalities.

Yes, you have more financial resources as an only child, but I think the world needs more caring, sharing types, not individualistic ones. In fact, smaller families may be partly responsible for the breakdown of society (as I consider modern society much less closely knit than in the past, for various reasons).

I agree with Maiden. We have gone from having large families as a norm to having only one or two kids and the dynamic of everything has changed, people are more selfish and less social. It could have to do with the family size or it could be all the technology :wink:

It's been so great to hear everyone's different experiences and family make ups and how it affected your decisions when having children of your own.




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Technology and urbanization are huge factors. But I think family size is too!

I am an only child, and that is NOT what I wanted for my son. Since the passing of many older family members and the birth of my child I feel the hole where a sibling(s) should be more keenly than at any other stage in my life so far; the shared memories and life experienced, someone just to chat idly to etc. I also feel bad for my dad that his family name 'dies' with me as I am the last in the line....
Saying that, I am also nervous of how I will cope with 2 as this is unknown territority for me (and my ever supportive parents lol)! As I have now set my sights on 3 children I'm hoping the 'leap' from 2 - 3 will not feel like such an emotional up heaval as from 1 -2.
I am very jealous of you all having many siblings :) xx

Can't believe my eldest son who is 8 asked me on the way home from school if he could have 4 more brothers!!! He even said "but you're only young, you won't run out of eggs till you're at least....50!"


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When my oldest was 8, he thought 20 more kids would be good. Now he's nearly 13, he just wants a sister, although he thinks twin girls would be even better.

Part of me feels bad even thinking about a fifth when I already feel like I don't have enough energy (medical issues) to give them all the attention they need, but I've asked the 3 oldest a few times & they all like the idea.

The 2yr old does not, but I don't think he gets a vote. lol

I think if the parent feels truly capable of providing for another and has a good sense if their kids are happy then the children will be more okay with more siblings.

I have a sister and we are completely different people. Everything about us is opposite.
I always felt alone as a kid.
I always dreamt of having bothers, and when I finally got in contact with my dad when I was 21 I found out I have three boys! I was so heartbroken that I never got to grow up with them.

I then moved to Australia and was a nanny for five kids; it was so much fun and so lovely that they all have each other.

I've currently have two girls and I would love to complete our family with two boys.

I believe having sibling to share all your memories with is wonderful xxx and think of all those possible grandchildren [emoji6]


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