I'm glad I re-read this post. I am going to try a new approach next time I get the three boys comments because none of mine fit the full stereotypes either.
I think I will try saying (and this is inspired from Hotdogs post but shortened for convenience)
"Let me let you in on a secret, the stereotypes just aren't true," I think that should work. Can't wait to try it and I hope I remember to. Tips on how to improve it welcome.
Right from the start, I wanted 2 of each. I have one brother, and altough we are very close, there were times I wished for a sister and he for a brother. (although I am closer to my brother than dh is to his brother, so gender doesn't gaurentee closeness!) Now I have three boys, and in secret, I felt GD each time, yet they are a great "set", so cute together, such great playmates.
But I still wanted a girl. We figured we were down to our last chance, so we saved money for ivf. It seemed the only sure way. But it took so long to save the money, now I'm worried that a daughter will be lonely, almost an only child, as the only girl and much youngest. (5 years) So now I want twins. I know I am greedy, but it would be 2 boys, 2 girls plus one, my old dream, just erring on the side of abundance... Actually, even b/g twins seems better, because I want her to have a playmate.
Yup, I feel like I spend a lot of time debunking the myths! LOLQuote:
Originally Posted by 1+2+3boys
The running joke around here is, if I do get my girl she'll probably end up being the biggest tomboy ever, hockey player extraordinaire, and 'out-boy' all my boys. LOL!!
For sure! I wouldn't be surprised if that happened to me too. I was the biggest tomboy ever so even more likely. Still, no matter how much I acted like a boy I never truely was one. I love tomboys, they have such spunk. You can dress kids how you like until at least 2 1/2 so I will have to make the most of that time if I get her.
I know I"m not alone in this but my experience has been that I raised my boys (esp. my first two) to be non-stereotypical boys to such an extent my husband had a weird kind of GD for a more boyish boy with DS 3 and 4 and got them. and then now I have a girl, I get annoyed at the girl stereotypes too. It's like I wanted to raise boys as girls (not really, but just less "masculine" interests) and my girl as a tomboy. Which is fine and I"m happy with, but it doesn't make a heck of a lot of sense to the outside world LOLQuote:
Originally Posted by 1+2+3boys
Actually that makes total sense to me!Quote:
Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush
My hubby is totally not a 'man's man' type so he really has been great about letting me encourage my sons into the dance world. Boys often face a lot of stigma especially with ballet, so having a supportive dad is really important. He does most of the driving-them-to-activities, so it's often him with our boys and a bunch of little girls and their mom's at the ballet school, LOL. I think all the other moms get very envious of him bringing his son to dance class.
We know a family with two boys, and they are a hockey family. So it's like, total stereotype 'boy sports' family, revolved around their sons and hockey and practice and games and hyper HYPER competitiveness. And truly I can't identify with them at all, their entire life is completely foreign to me even though we're both 'all boy' families.
I feel like instead of gender, it's probably more useful to sort lifestyles into interests, like sports families vs dance families, etc. I have far more in common with other dance families with even all girls than a hockey/soccer/football family for example.
Perhaps it is our subconsious way of telling the world that just because our child is a boy or girl it doesn't mean they have to be a certain way and can do what they want in life.
If I have a girl the things I do now and the way I raise my children will not change at all. We will have the same toys and do the same activities.
1+2+3boys, I would be exactly the same. Even if my first was a girl, I would have been dead set against dressing her in frilly pepto pink tutus and gigantic bows and treating her like a frou-frou princess. (Although after 2 boys, a few adorable dresses might be fun for a change.) Maybe I'm unusual, but having daughters to me does NOT mean looking forward to pedicures, shopping and prom dresses. It's about raising another person who will eventually grow to be a woman. (A shared experience.) I too would raise her the same as my boys.
:agree: I feel like I was able to share like 80% of life with my boys (and my first two are adults, so I have a pretty good handle on how it comes out, I think) but there was just that 20% of stuff that I couldn't share with them - and for whatever reason it was a big 20%. :)
2 boys 1 girl is my dream, but will I get my girl!!??? I wish I could afford gender IVF in the USA!!
Yet I feel like I can't complain as my sister can't have any kids after years of unsuccessful ivf. This is where I come to vent as venting to her would be cruel.
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There's always someone who has things worse than we do - the way I think of it is, if you hit your thumb with a hammer, it still hurts like H--- even though you may logically know that there are people who have thumb cancer or have no thumbs.
Precisely! Everyones pain is real for them. I always tried to imagine that someone with a broken leg shouldn't tell someone with a broken toe that their pain is not valid. (A girl in my PE class in 4th form broke her second to big toe and ended up in a wheel chair!)
Still as long as we are sensitive to those who are having it hard to have kids (which I am sure we all are). My Sis may be in that boat one day as she has bad PCOS and looks like Mum did too and she had to adopt me to have her first child.
2 boys and one girl was always my dream too Magical 22. I found some of my journels/diary's from my teen years and I was reading one when I was 14 and there were pictures of a boy and then boy/girl twins all at different ages together and thinking back I remember it being my 'future' family! Amazing huh, I was so close too getting the twins but identical ones have to be the same gender of coarse. I had my hoped for children when I still was a child myself!
I agree with the previous posts - pain is pain, and there are no 'pain Olympics' (I think Atomic said that one!)Quote:
Originally Posted by Magical22
But at the same time, there's the concept of tact. I wouldn't go onto an infertility board and bitch about my lot in life, for example! So, know your audience.
My best girlfriend has been ttc for 3 years and has done 4 iui's (one of which succeeded but devastatingly ended in a m/c at 17 weeks). But she's been amazing in supporting me through my journey, and me on hers. Still I have to be very very careful not to rant on about my life when she's in a particularly bad place with her journey. You just have to be sensitive and aware, and tread carefully.
I once saw a GD post on an infertility/IVF board, and just cringed. I completely understood that poster's motivations and commiserated, but it was SO the wrong audience for her post!! Needless to say she got torn apart on the thread.
I find compassion and sensitivity goes a long way, and being mindful of things you say and to who you're saying it to. That's not to invalidate anyone's individual circumstances at all, but being extra tactful is never a bad thing.