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Thanks 2boys, I've always loved that name. It reminds me of Little house on the prairie :)
The thing is, I never got to go back to my normal diet. During my very short pregnancy I wasn't feeling hungry, and I continued to eat pretty much LE style. Ironic huh? Just since the mc everything started getting out of hand. I've gained 3 or 4 pounds this past week!!! Today is a little better diet wise, so I hope I'm on the right track.
How is the diet now Grace? I also felt like I could have ate better when I was pregnant, I craved carbs like mad but in the 10 weeks I only gained 2 lbs which I have lost in the past week. My appetite has been pretty horrible lately which make the LE diet manageable but I am still cheating- I feel like my soul needs chocolate!
Today I am so angry- I keep seeing ppl who are connected to women who have recently had babies and I just want to scream. One In particular is the mom of a women who is a drug addict and she gave birth to an addicted baby girl the day after my D&C. That reality is just harsh and unbelievably cruel. It basically breaks my heart and soul to think about it. I suppose reminders will pop up all the time- I hope I eventually can deflect them instead of letting them in to destroy any joy I have found since my loss. Some days are just better than others and I am very aware that I would be more able to cope if I could stay sad as opposed to angry. Anger is so ugly and painful.
My diet is ok, but could be a lot better. I just want REAL food you know? I am not as strict as I was before the mc, but trying to do my best. I think anger is a way to get rid of negative emotions, so in way it's good you feel angry. I feel rather numb- not too sad, not happy, kind of confused. I'm not even sure what I want anymore. I was so fixed on having another baby before this mess, but after going through this mc I can't help wondering whether it's the right decision for my family. Am I making my kids 'pay' for my obssesion with having a girl? Am I devoting more attention to my not even concieved yet baby instead of my real kids? Yet , I'm continuing this horrible diet so maybe deep down I know the answer xoxoxo
I'm feeling angry this month.we ttc the second cycle after miscarriage and I think I'm out. I really wanted to see bfp this month,now I have to go back on the diet e.t.c. I am 12 dpo and still bfn :mad:
The unfortunate thing is we have no control over what our hearts want. I have chosen to go easy on myself and quit the guilt-on some level I believe my boys understand this all and love me anyway, just as I love them in spite of my desire for a daughter. Go easy on yourself Grace❤️
12dpo is still early! There may still be hope.Quote:
Originally Posted by eleena2014
A dream is a wish your heart makes (a sentence in some song I heard today)
I hope all you ladies who have had losses are healing. I promise you it does get easier. xo
Tons of us feel this way, and even sometimes after getting our desired gender. :/ I think sometimes, wow we probably would have been better off without all this gender disappointment, did I do the right thing, etc. I wouldn't change a thing of course, but - I do wonder sometimes.Quote:
Originally Posted by Grace
Just when I feel like I have a bit of my strength back emotionally, a pregnancy announcement "due in July" comes up and I can't help but be so, so sad. And then I am angry because I never used to be this person. And then I hold my breath and realize oh my god, she will probably have a girl...I was supposed to have a girl in July and I really cannot fathom that blow. Defeated. :(
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Oh honey, I just want to give you a hug! Be kind to yourself right now- you are still healing. Take each day, each moment, as they come. Sit with your feelings, feel them, then just try to breathe. I believe in my heart of hearts you WILL get your DD. 😘
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Totally normal feelings 2boys. (((HUGS))) After my miscarriage in October I was super depressed for weeks (probably like 6 weeks or more). It was the darkest I ever felt ever. I would break down crying almost every time I was in the car alone driving and I cried myself to sleep almost every night and DH wouldn't even notice. I didn't want to do anything but sleep when I was alone. Three of my best friends both have 2 girls each and no boys and it's only been in the last few weeks that I've been able to talk to them on the phone again. My one best friend and I used to talk on the phone almost every day and since my miscarriage I've talked to her a total of 3 times. I couldn't bear to hear her talk about her daughter's ballet classes, girl scouts, and love of American Girl dolls. It just made me so sad. It's now been 3.5 months and I'm finally starting to feel normal again emotionally. I also found out that I had extremely low iron (ferritin) from years of heavy periods and then the miscarriage, and that was causing me to be depressed and tired as well.Quote:
Originally Posted by 2boysJustOneGirl