Originally Posted by
Lissastick
I am getting so nervous for my prenatal appointment on Monday. Not just because I'm getting the blood test that will tell me the sex, but, because they are going to see if they can find the baby's heartbeat with the doppler and I'm just SO scared that they won't and that I've had a silent miscarriage. I feel like my fear of having a miscarriage is much greater than the fear of disappointment if the baby is a boy. I feel like hearing that it's a boy won't devastate me as much as hearing that the baby doesn't have a heartbeat and that they are dead.
I think if the baby is ok and I find out it's a boy, I'm going to be like, "ah, bummer". But, the thought of delivering a healthy, living child would give me so much happiness. Even if he was another stinky little boy. Haha.
I just have so much fear and worry that something has gone wrong. I never realized how hard, negative and depressing a pregnancy after a loss could be :(