Printable View
Serenity that's a really powerful post you've written.
I'm sorry for your loss, but am so happy that you've found your Serenity.
I don't think there's anything wrong with any of our feelings.
Personally for me the GD was very real, and writing and talking about it, crying about it, all made me process it.
Really now I have no sadness at having a boy.
I'm excited and appreciative, and seeing him today was magical.
Can't wait to meet him now.
I am planning to nurse and also express when I go away.Quote:
Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush
The formula I ordered is in the back of the cupboard now, I felt so guilty when it arrived, as I had already started to realise that my GD was going away every day.
I thought about asking to delete this thread, as I feel really awful that I even wished my baby to go to someone else.
But I want others to maybe stumble on it, and see that it is a choice. We can adjust our mindsets and process things.
If it helps anyone know that, yes it feels awful and like a failure when you hear that your sway failed.
That is normal !
But we can choose to try our best to enjoy the rest of the pregnancy.
And everyone without question says when the baby is here, there is no love like it .
So we may as well enjoy the ride
I hope you decide to keep this up, Sparkles <3 If anything, you might end up like me -- I look back on my heavy GD posts in here from when I was pregnant and realize just how dramatically I changed with the birth of my DD. It'll be a testament to you to see!
It's interesting how so many of you wanted smaller versions of you -- one of my biggest fears of having a daughter WAS getting a small version of me. My DD is the spitting image of my husband, down to personality and everything, and has removed any of my own projected issues onto her as a result. Certainly adds on to the reality that so much of our gender desire really is rooted in issues within ourselves that we could work through. Though, of course, wanting a child of a certain sex can and still is because it's just what we want!
Don't feel guilty about the formula Sparkles -- if anything, it might be good to have on hand anyway! I just think you might really surprise yourself with enjoying BFing.
Thank you so much.Quote:
Originally Posted by Throwaway_panther
The more I look at my GD, the more I realise that actually I think it came from a really unhealthy competitive place - wanting to give DH what his ex could not.
His verbalising that he wanted a DD from the day we began to discuss TTC didn't help, but I can't blame him.
He had a horrible experience with a woman with GD, and didn't realise that by holding onto it, he was potentially creating a monster of a situation with me.
I am pleased to say I am still feeling really positive, I am so happy I went for the scan to confirm gender, I got loads of pictures and keep looking at them.
Last night I started giggling as we drove home, and he asked what I was doing.
I was just thinking that in 5 months time, I am going to be holding a little chubby cheeked version of my DH :babym:
He already has my DH's perfect side profile, and I've always wondered what he would have looked like as a small baby (there are no pictures of DH before the age of 18 months), so maybe our baby will give me a clue.
I wish you all the best of luck with getting your DS in 2017, but I know that even if you get a DD you will be amazing.
It sounds like you truly did work through everything and came out an even better Mum the other side.
I didnt see these updates, but I am so happy for you Mrs Sparkles and glad you are feeling better xQuote:
Originally Posted by MrsSparkles
Haha, thank you. I can tell you that I certainly haven't worked through everything, and my desire for a DS is still very strong, bordering on obsessive, but I'm in a different place now in that I know myself, and I know the things I'm willing to do to get him -- and that it's possible, even if it costs a lot of money ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsSparkles
But a lot of the fears and anxieties I had with my DD did not come to fruition. I was able to love her and bond with her immediately, and miraculously did not seem to deal with any PPD which EVERYONE EVER thought was for sure for me based on my bad antepartum depression, my history, etc.
The things we fear can sometimes be total 180s from what we thought. I thought I'd end up with a C-Section; I got a completely natural, unmedicated birth.
I thought I'd have issues breastfeeding and be a failure; I ended up with an oversupply!
I thought I'd never love my DD -- I love her more than anything in the world; she is literally my favorite person.
Reading that just made my day :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Throwaway_panther
Really inspiring
Because I think you need to hear it.. I am so so jealous you have a perfect mini hubby to squish and hold and love and raise. My DD3 looks just like him, acts just like him... so I got as close as I can get with her I guess but still there is something to be said about a son who is your husbands clone, not just a daughter. I feel so much pain on behalf of your hubby.. I am sure he has his own issues watching his ex hate his children, blame him, abort his third son, and then cheat on him and essentially end their marriage. He has really been through the ringer...I think that kind of trauma changes people, truly, and that his biggest thing about having a DD is not wanting to disappoint another woman or be hurt again because he makes boys..I want to give you both a big hug. Your little boy is going to be so loved and you have an amazing opportunity to let him see you delight and love and snuggle that baby. I believe you will be an awesome example to him ofnwhat a wife really is, and a good role model to your step sons too.
Read this through tears, thank you for being so kind and saying such wonderful things.Quote:
Originally Posted by Burakoam
I hope I can live up to being a good wife, and helping to heal him.
Last night when he came back to work I said "I can't wait to meet our son, I just want to pinch his chubby little cheeks" and started showing him the cute baby shirts I bought.
My DH looked at me really worried and said "Do you mean it ?"
It's so hard, knowing that he is finding it difficult to believe me, but of course my reaction in the first place was exactly what he expected.
Have suggested counselling, but DH is not 'that guy' he bottles things up a lot.
I am so sorry you didn't get your DD yet.
But so heartened to read that she is perfection, and I know that DD4 will be too.
I've screen grabbed your post, so that I can read it when I feel low - it really means a lot to me.
That doesn't surprise me, my DH is the same type of guy. Just know I can read that pain between the lines and when you tell him things like you did last night and you mean them like that, you ARE helping him heal and thus yourself too! I am glad my words could mean so much. I was hoping they would. Big big big hugs.
They really mean the world.Quote:
Originally Posted by Burakoam
You're such a kind soul xxxx
I didn't have time to read all the answers. But I just wanted to tell you that I could relate to you so much in your posts. I felt so so much the same and was shocked by my feelings ... combined with some deep sadness, anxiety and loneliness. My son is now three years old and he seriously is the love of my life. Like he is the child I was always supposed to have and didn't know. Holding and seeing him for the first time was the most beautiful moment in my life. The first year was very hard. Many of my friends had girls and my baby was very active and slept little. But after his first birthday our bond grew even stronger. I am so in love with his blue eyes, his handsome face, his humor, the way he talks, the way he plays outside and with other kids, the way he reminds me of my husband in some weeks. The way he looks so much like me in other weeks. The way he calls me "Mummy" and huggs me so tightly when I come home from work. The way he is so so happy when I read him a story before his sleep. The way he says "I love you so much" out of the blue.
It will be frustrating and there will be sadness and jealousy and so on. But it will also be incredible and such a wonder and so beautiful :)
Hugs
Your son sounds like a terrific lil guy.Quote:
Originally Posted by Drunken Cockatoo
You sound like an amazing Mummy.
Thank you for sharing with me, and I hope I feel all those things with my lil guy - I am so excited to meet him now.
Only 22 weeks to go !
100 % agree. I was devestated and depressed for the first 3 months. Then disconnected for he next three. Later in the pregnancy I was more nervous I would reject the baby and not bond. I didn't trust that people said I would love him once he's born. I am in LOVE with my boy. Gaga for him. Obsessed. Perhaps it's reverse guilt. But the love is real! I still want my daughter and am struggling with doing ivf specifically just for pink. I'd love to have another daughter naturally and I know I would love a son again, but I also know that we can only have two and my heart would always be missing a her...Quote:
Originally Posted by Kawazza
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Wanted to update anyone who was so kind as to offer me words of support, you lifted me up in my darkest moments.
Thank you for everyone who contributed.
It's been so good lately, my DH and I have been really connected and connecting to the lil boy growing inside me.
He keeps telling me how different this pregnancy is compared to his ex wife, and that he truly does believe that I am happy.
Since starting to feel movements 10 days ago, the bond I feel for this lil boy is so strong.
Yes, I still harbour a desire that he may become a big brother and have a sister.
But it's not strong, and I am not thinking far ahead now, and just staying in the moment and enjoying every minute of this pregnancy.
Thank you all xx