blue swayers why???

I am wondering about something else ,
Does TTC after surgery sway pink?


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Interesting business!! I had massive surgery with stage 3 endi removed, d & c, tubal dye flush and ovarian drilling. Fell pregnant 10 days later, had a chemical then two weeks later fell with my DD too. Maybe I had a double whammy pink sway with the loss that sways pink too.

I'm 28 and my DH is 30, we are swaying blue. 1. To have our kids out and gone by our early 50s and 2. If we don't get a boy, still have time to go again for a 3rd child and get a boy.
Also yes to the pressure. The sooner I have a boy the less stressed I (and hubby) will feel to "provide" the family with a son to continue the surname line and inherit all these family heirloom things. My DH is very much on board TTC (always keeps his bits cool, hasn't touched alcohol in months, is trying to eat better - even spinach...never thought I'd see the day!)

This is a really interesting phenomenon. Here I am super glad I made it to DD2 being 2 and 1/2 before we start getting serious about swaying this spring. I think the kinda obsession is a big factor for me. I started researching how to conceive a boy when my youngest was about 3 or 4 months old. I do think that for me it helped me deal with the gender disappointment and at least focus my energy into something positive.

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Originally Posted by coralsky

Oh well, just a thought. ;) I hope you find one or more actual reasons (as opposed to irrelevant ones like mine! Lol.) I will follow with interest. :)
Hope you and yours are all good (Suzie looks so grown up these days!) xxx

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No, not at all, I think that was a very clever take and hadn't occurred to me to think about. :) I really appreciate it!

Thank you!!! She is not a baby any more that's for sure!!...sniff!!...

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Originally Posted by business.woman

I am wondering about something else ,
Does TTC after surgery sway pink?


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I think it probably does, but without side by side studies it's so few people who've fallen pregnant right after surgery that I can't say 100% for sure. I DO know that anything that is taxing to your body will suppress your fertility a bit.

I feel in the minority too, as a Pink Swayer wanting to get pregnant very quickly after this baby is born.

My reason is this ; I was 35 when I conceived, and will be 36 when I have him.
I would love a big family, and time is of the essence.

Mrs Sparkles I'm the same-swaying pink before 1 year post partum. I had my second son in December 2016 and will be ttc from October this year. I am 36 turning 37 in July and really want to be done by 38.
My hubby is onboard and this is definitely our last as he only wanted 1! Haha!

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Originally Posted by MrsSparkles

I feel in the minority too, as a Pink Swayer wanting to get pregnant very quickly after this baby is born.

My reason is this ; I was 35 when I conceived, and will be 36 when I have him.
I would love a big family, and time is of the essence.

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Just to give an example because I think at least one person who commented in this thread was implying I was making this observation up:

http://genderdreaming.com/forum/intr...ming-blue.html

I get threads, plans, or personal messages like this at least 2 dozen times a year from blue swayers and practically NEVER from those wanting pink. Plus I have way fewer blue swayers so it sticks out like a sore thumb.

There is something here, something that I don't understand and that I am seeking to understand. You don't have to believe it, I believe it, and I want to understand whatever it is going on in people's heads so I can better help you guys to successfully sway. Whenever I notice a strong trend like this, I want to know more.

I would love more input on this if anyone has any thoughts.

Quoting myself here because a lot of times when I bump a post people don't go back and reread the earlier threads so just in case anyone had questions about what the deal with this thread is:

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

The average spacing between American babies is 2-3 years apart, 30 months to pin it down to the month, so the data is on my side regardless of what someone's pediatrician says. In the UK it's even longer at 36-41 months on average. in a study of 51 other countries the average was 32 months.

It is NOT common to TTC when a baby is 4 months old and yet this is something I am seeing again and again amongst my blue swayers. In fact we just had several newbies show up since the start of the year who were TTC with very tiny babies. It's unusual. Not something I see IRL or among pink swayers as a general rule. Hence, my question. The purpose of my question was not "I have a theory and I am in search of data to prove it correct." The purpose of my question is, "this seems to be happening again and again and so I am curious about what the reasoning is."

I will reiterate that I have some pretty serious, well thought out and important reasons why I think you guys should wait past 12 months to TTC if you want a boy. Yes, some people can still conceive boys close together, and I have never said otherwise. I believe it is due to maternal condition and improved fertility enabling a majority of women who are in the best condition and the most fertile to be able to get pregnant again. Many of us are not even seeing our periods return till at least 9-12-18 months, and so people who are able to ovulate and conceive sooner than this, are by default, in better condition and/or eating better than women whose cycles are not coming back that soon. We are also seeing a very, very strong trend where women who are inexplicably taking months/years to get pregnant (reduced fertility) are having girls even with otherwise great blue sways. Reduced fertility probably sways pink. Do I have a study proving this, not yet. But based on the data that I have seen, it's shaking out that way.

Since it's probable that better condition and higher fertility sway blue, we cannot view child spacing thru the same sort of cause and effect lens that we do other sway tactics. Blue Irish Twins do NOT debunk the idea. Women who are able to ovulate and get pregnant within X number of months are NOT a randomly selected sample of the population as a whole. They may be coming in more set for blue, and if something (like close child spacing) takes a person who is 80% likely to have a boy, to 60% likely to have a boy, that is a huge pink sway but would still yield more boys. And then if a person who was coming in at 50-50 did that exact same thing, they'd possibly drop their odds from 50-50 b/g to 30% likely to have a boy.

What we are trying to do here is OPTIMIZE odds of success. You may not personally want optimal odds of success and you may personally have the luxury of TTC many times without any real consequences of that. Other people are not so lucky and are in a position of having ONE chance at another baby. Other people are even less lucky and are in a position where they will probably have to have an abortion if they get pregnant with a girl. Sorry, straight talk here, but entirely true. We have people here from around the world including some women who are in pretty extreme situations and MUST have a boy.

Ladies, I cannot stress it to you strongly enough, that with 9 years of experience on these two boards and 46 years of experience on the Planet Earth the majority of which has been immersed in baby-related bizness (first my mom's pregnancies and then my own), with every fiber of my being, if you want the BEST chance at a boy, you should wait between kiddos. Disregard if you would like, and I will still be happy to help you have the best sway you can, but I do not and will not ever think you are giving yourself the best chance at a boy.

This question was not intended to be about swaying. It wasn't meant to be an opportunity for people to sound off on why I'm completely wrong on the subject and then for me to have to derail the entire thing going off on it. It was meant because when I see a trend, I want to know why that trend is happening. I NEVER forget that we are a self-selected group of people on here, but I am still pretty capable of spotting a trend when I see one, and that is a definite trend. The reason why I ask these type of questions is not to prove swaying true, it is to enable me to help you guys to have better sways. If you have sway questions or want to debate about swaying, let's do that in a DIFFERENT thread if you don't mind.

Now, I would still love to hear from people about why they wanted to have their kids really close together. It's very helpful to me to be able to understand people's reasoning choosing particular things vs. the other. I really appreciate the effort that people put into answering these kind of largely hypothetical and personal questions. :)

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I really think it is due to the pressure of passing on the father's name. Girl swayers don't have that concern as majority of them already have an army of boys.

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Originally Posted by cosmosis

I really think it is due to the pressure of passing on the father's name. Girl swayers don't have that concern as majority of them already have an army of boys.

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True. I strongly believe this too. Its a difficult thing for many to say. They feel the pressure alot more than men.

I like this and it's a sensitive topic for many among us. I myself have a gorgeous daughter who is almost 14 months. When I got pregnant (which was not plannend) I started worrying about gender. I have never thought once about it before I got pregnant. How come I was suddenly thinking about a baby boy, wprrying and stressing whenever we had a scan, even paid for a private hospital to do a scan and did not believe the gynae when I was told a girl? You could see the dissapointment on my face. Oh boy how freaking sad I became for months and how many times I have cried before and after birth. It's the environment and the pressure within cultures. It is also the personal experience. I didn't know how to raise a girl or protect her, don't know how to handle heartbreaks, how to prepare her for this world with people who are out there harming others. The other thing that made me feel the pressure of having a boy is the 'oh doesnt matter, next one will be a boy. Boy or girl, they are the same. As long as the baby is healty etc etc'. well if health is so important, why on hell would you say that my next will be a boy? I seriously felt down and felt like I had to defend myself and my husband for having a beautiful daughter who is so precious to us.

It is the environmental pressure mostly..be it culture or sub-culture. We all have felt it once or twice.

Several more new blue swayers have shown up and again, virtually all of them are swaying very soon after their baby is born. Here's another. http://genderdreaming.com/forum/new-...er-mirena.html

Newbies, if you see this post I'd love your reasoning as to why you're in such a rush to TTC again.

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

Several more new blue swayers have shown up and again, virtually all of them are swaying very soon after their baby is born. Here's another. http://genderdreaming.com/forum/new-...er-mirena.html

Newbies, if you see this post I'd love your reasoning as to why you're in such a rush to TTC again.

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OK, time to weigh in with my two cents after being directed to this thread by Atomic and reading it through.

Sorry for the ladies who are feeling cultural/family/society pressure to produce a certain gender :( Don't think I have been subject to this, but there might be a bit of an environmental pressure about producing different gender kids that weighed in for me (maybe not conscious, but you see it everywhere here in the media, EVERY advertisement or commercial featuring a family has smiley Mom and Dad and PP!!)

So yes, for me it's the challenge, the 'chase', as if I feel I must prove something to myself. Have always been this way, like in college when some professor was talking about some extra-curricular activity, and going 'You guys only do this after a few months once you're sure you can handle it on top of the classwork, kay, cause it's really a lot to ask--' and I was already rolling my sleeves up like 'RIIIGHT, where do we sign up?' Same at work, same in hobbies, same everywhere, I always have to compete, even more with myself than with anyone, and 'prove' that I can do anything.

I get this huge surge of energy when a challenge is involved, and swear I must actually get more pleasure from 'figthing' for it than from the actual achievement when it does roll round; in fact, most victories get stale very fast and then it's on to the next thing. (So if I do sway and don't get the desired result, I will probably bully DH into having six more kids till I do; if I get the desired result fast I will probably next set myself the challenge of teaching my kids to speak five languages, play the piano and the guitar, skate and code before they are three or something.)

The intensity of this feeling of competition is obvious to me from the fact that as soon as I read Atomic's explanation that she kindly posted on my thread about how waiting till my DD is at least a year old for better blue sway chances immediately convinced me. Though I would love to throw myself into swaying ASAP and a year seems very long, if Atomic says that that ups my chances, that's what I'll do. Best effort and best chance at success above all! And the energy will have to go into obsessively planning and prepping the sway in the meantime and following everyone else's sways -_-

Man, does that sound hyper :) :) :)

I am telling you, I get blue swayers daily who are TTC with really close child spacing. I am getting way more blue swayers doing this than pink,
even though we have like 10x as many pink swayers.
This is a huge trend. http://genderdreaming.com/forum/tryi...hance-boy.html This is a clear cut, obvious difference between pink and blue parents and is SO easy to fix. Just wait, guys. Even if it's only 18 months or even just 12. You are really, really hurting your chances of blue with such close spacing.

And just to kick a hornet's nest, and please no one take offense at any of this as I'm just thinking out loud here after having just reread this thread, but comparing my daughter's early childhood to my sons as she approaches turning 5, and she is just EASIER. Day in and day out, since day one, she was on average easier than my boys. (with the exception of sleeping in her own bed) Even my husband, who didn't even really want a girl and stated repeatedly that there would be absolutely no difference between the two genders and my gender desire was stupid, admits that she is quieter, entertains herself more, cooperates with others without fighting as much, etc. My two closest boys are 21 months apart and it almost KILLED me. Hardest thing I ever did. Even having my two boys 3 1/2 years apart was harder than adding my daughter to the 2 little boys (my first two boys are much older). I don't know how I could have done another baby boy any closer than I ever did, because they needed so much from me all the time. Raising them as babies and toddlers was 10,000 times more stressful than my daughter (even though I was working full time and moving when she was a baby!) They were either breaking something, making a mess, or in mortal peril constantly. I really do wonder if girl moms can feel they can handle another baby sooner because baby girls, at least on average, are a little easier than baby boys. Maybe it's not something you notice or realize when you're in the moment but it may have some part to play.

I know there are tons of exceptions that now everyone will chime in to share but I am just wondering if this may have something to do with it, if one has a girl or two or three and feel more equipped to handle a new addition than those of us who have 3 boys and they are swinging from the chandeliers fighting light sabers...actually I have to go LOL o.O

I know a woman who had 8 girls in a row, every year she had another one all very close together. Her 8th girl was very difficult and she ended up having a big space between them and yep, you guessed it, ended up with 2 boys in a row at the end.

Desperation. You can't bear the thought of waiting again. Nothing to do with dh or family name.

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Originally Posted by Babybeaublue

Desperation. You can't bear the thought of waiting again. Nothing to do with dh or family name.

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Yes.

this was me, except it was desperation for a girl.. and the situation snowballed and got more and more desperate and ugly with each boy.. perhaps desperation tends to be this bad more often (for whatever reasons) in women wanting boys? could it be that the control-freak tendency of pink swayers stops them from spiralling into this?

with me it was like a conveyor belt --get pregnant---find out gender---stop caring and immediately switch attention to the next baby---have baby and get straight onto the next one-- *repeat as many times as it takes*

hideous i know but that was how it was, there was no way i was stopping at all boys and i couldnt bear to live with that reality for even the shortest amount of time.

this is the darker side of gender desire/disappointment which comes up quite alot in the pink swaying threads, but i dont think ive seen it much among the blue swayers.

maybe with this site being so pink-swayer heavy the blue swayers find it harder to speak up about not wanting girls? so when these trends show its much harder to unravel the reasons.

i hope nothing ive said will offend you blue swaying ladies here :) i actually feel more at home round you as i find the pink swayers can get abit scary-controlling :-/ and the close spacing isnt the norm with pink either as atomic said so im often on my own with that on the pink threads!

Atomic you could be onto something with the girl mums feeling ready earlier due to having girls, but it could be that like me back when i was having the boys some of them simply wont be stopped because for them the current reality is unbearable.

if the sways were reversed (LE for boy and HE for girl) and id of had to wait 12-18 months for the best chance at a girl i honestly dont know what that would have done to me, on the one hand you would be right (as you are for blue) but on the other hand thats 12-18 months of being trapped in a living hell with no possible light at the end of the tunnel which each new early *still not a boy/girl so potentially could be the dream gender* pregnancy brings.

i may be a million miles off track here but this is the really ugly side of what drove me to have a baby every year, i really relate to the blue swayers on this and i feel i dont relate to the control-freak micro-managing side of the pink swayers at all so maybe there is something in that? just a thought.. xx

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Originally Posted by 4blue2pink

Yes.

this was me, except it was desperation for a girl.. and the situation snowballed and got more and more desperate and ugly with each boy.. perhaps desperation tends to be this bad more often (for whatever reasons) in women wanting boys? could it be that the control-freak tendency of pink swayers stops them from spiralling into this?

with me it was like a conveyor belt --get pregnant---find out gender---stop caring and immediately switch attention to the next baby---have baby and get straight onto the next one-- *repeat as many times as it takes*

hideous i know but that was how it was, there was no way i was stopping at all boys and i couldnt bear to live with that reality for even the shortest amount of time.

this is the darker side of gender desire/disappointment which comes up quite alot in the pink swaying threads, but i dont think ive seen it much among the blue swayers.

maybe with this site being so pink-swayer heavy the blue swayers find it harder to speak up about not wanting girls? so when these trends show its much harder to unravel the reasons.

i hope nothing ive said will offend you blue swaying ladies here :) i actually feel more at home round you as i find the pink swayers can get abit scary-controlling :-/ and the close spacing isnt the norm with pink either as atomic said so im often on my own with that on the pink threads!

Atomic you could be onto something with the girl mums feeling ready earlier due to having girls, but it could be that like me back when i was having the boys some of them simply wont be stopped because for them the current reality is unbearable.

if the sways were reversed (LE for boy and HE for girl) and id of had to wait 12-18 months for the best chance at a girl i honestly dont know what that would have done to me, on the one hand you would be right (as you are for blue) but on the other hand thats 12-18 months of being trapped in a living hell with no possible light at the end of the tunnel which each new early *still not a boy/girl so potentially could be the dream gender* pregnancy brings.

i may be a million miles off track here but this is the really ugly side of what drove me to have a baby every year, i really relate to the blue swayers on this and i feel i dont relate to the control-freak micro-managing side of the pink swayers at all so maybe there is something in that? just a thought.. xx

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I agree. With each baby hearing girl I start thinking... well I guess we aren't done. I just found out on Friday we are having a third girl. My heart shattered bc I want to be done but i want a son more than being done... so already thinking I'm only 30, I can't be done yet. I never wanted tons and tons of kids but I can't live without a son and thinking about trying again gives me hope... that he will still come. So I agree. My period never comes though until 9 months- a year after and some how I never get pregnant until it regulates completely... I'm sure doing the whole "wait 12 hours after positive opk" didn't help though either. Lol


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Originally Posted by Jconger

I agree. With each baby hearing girl I start thinking... well I guess we aren't done. I just found out on Friday we are having a third girl. My heart shattered bc I want to be done but i want a son more than being done... so already thinking I'm only 30, I can't be done yet. I never wanted tons and tons of kids but I can't live without a son and thinking about trying again gives me hope... that he will still come. So I agree. My period never comes though until 9 months- a year after and some how I never get pregnant until it regulates completely... I'm sure doing the whole "wait 12 hours after positive opk" didn't help though either. Lol


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i felt exactly the same, the hope is still there as long as you are still trying.. im a pink swayer so im on the other side of the fence so to speak but i completely understand, i couldnt live without a girl and i am so sorry you didnt hear blue this time, the feelings that come with not hearing what you hoped to hear are devastating and i wish you all the best with whatever you decide to do in the future <3 xx

[QUOTE=Jconger;914630]I agree. With each baby hearing girl I start thinking... well I guess we aren't done. I just found out on Friday we are having a third girl. My heart shattered bc I want to be done but i want a son more than being done... so already thinking I'm only 30, I can't be done yet. I never wanted tons and tons of kids but I can't live without a son and thinking about trying again gives me hope... that he will still come. So I agree.

Yep a little hope is better than the stark reality of never having a son. I'm a complete control freak tho so I've always planned. I was never disappointed at getting another girl, I wanted a girl heavy family (got that part anyway!) I was heartbroken at not getting my boy. That's the difference. I sure as hell never thought I'd have 5 kids lol but I just keep thinking - it has to be next time right??

[QUOTE=Babybeaublue;914675]

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Originally Posted by Jconger

I agree. With each baby hearing girl I start thinking... well I guess we aren't done. I just found out on Friday we are having a third girl. My heart shattered bc I want to be done but i want a son more than being done... so already thinking I'm only 30, I can't be done yet. I never wanted tons and tons of kids but I can't live without a son and thinking about trying again gives me hope... that he will still come. So I agree.

Yep a little hope is better than the stark reality of never having a son. I'm a complete control freak tho so I've always planned. I was never disappointed at getting another girl, I wanted a girl heavy family (got that part anyway!) I was heartbroken at not getting my boy. That's the difference. I sure as hell never thought I'd have 5 kids lol but I just keep thinking - it has to be next time right??

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Do you have four girls and pregnant now??


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No I have 5 girls!! TTC now

Also, time limits. Now that I'm preggo, I realized I want to be done by the time I'm 35/36. This means back to back kids from this point forth. I have a career that I've worked on for years as a single mother which is now paused due to relocation and slowly pushing forth other plans that go along with this career. I want to travel and be done with diapers at a reasonable age and having kids in my 40's just won't really work with what I'd like ideally. I mean, technically it could if I got nannies involved, but not sure that's affordable or very reasonable.

I have alot to think about, but thought I'd throw this out there lol. Some women want all their kids in a certain time span for whatever reason. How is it that women in the past would get back to back boys? What were they doing that we are not doing?

I think they were not thinkiing and just 'doing' it! That's what my mon told me. When they planned they didnt wait to achieve a good 'state'. They just went for it lol. God why do we have to have desires. It makes me such a mess some days and other days I just dont think about it.

But there are pink swayers so desperate they are on the brink of suicide sometimes. I don't believe that blue swayers are any more desperate then pink.

I am really not trying to argue at all I really NEED to understand this so I can better explain why blue swayers shouldn't do close spacing I know it comes off to some blue swayers like I'm trying to boss them around or something but I'm not, and I need to understand what this difference is so I can compensate/convince and help blue swayers have better sways. I cannot get wanting to get pregnant with a 3,6,9 month old (even after I tell people it might hurt their sway!?!) and I just really, really want to understand why a person who is 24 years old would be so in a rush to try for a baby that they'd proceed even after hearing that it might hurt their sway (let alone their sanity. I completely don't know how some of you ladies do it, hats off to you)

Just this last week, we have had a couple pink swayers showing up wanting to start diet really soon after having a baby - but even then they weren't planning to TTC for a while. I have also known several pink swayers who planned to TTC right after the baby was born (I did with DS 3 but I was also 39 years old) but then once the baby arrives they almost always change their minds and wait. It's just that "important minority" idea where while there are exceptions there is just this weird trend that I need to understand to better help people have a better sway.

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Originally Posted by cosmosis

Also, time limits. Now that I'm preggo, I realized I want to be done by the time I'm 35/36. This means back to back kids from this point forth. I have a career that I've worked on for years as a single mother which is now paused due to relocation and slowly pushing forth other plans that go along with this career. I want to travel and be done with diapers at a reasonable age and having kids in my 40's just won't really work with what I'd like ideally. I mean, technically it could if I got nannies involved, but not sure that's affordable or very reasonable.

I have alot to think about, but thought I'd throw this out there lol. Some women want all their kids in a certain time span for whatever reason. How is it that women in the past would get back to back boys? What were they doing that we are not doing?

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First point - I think there is some meat on this bone. (sweeping generalization alert) That's why pink swayers even once they get their girl, will often replace the obsession for Girl #1 with Girl #2 or even 3 because I suspect that blue swayers want to get a son and then be done with that part of life, but pink swayers are trying to create some fantasy or dream family that they have and then with the obsessive tendencies, the dream, once accomplished, becomes the dream of getting a sister for DD? It's almost as if for pink swayers there's something in them that having children is not an item on the to-do list but something to do "perfectly" with a perfect child spacing (not too close) and the "proper" number of siblings. I know SO many pink swayers who felt all this pressure (myself very much included here) to be done by 35, in fact I think most of us women do hope for that, and then we get to 35 and we still don't have that perfect family that has made us "complete" and solved all our problems and then we throw out the original plan and keep TTC. Blue swayers are smarter about stuff like this IMO - they want to be done by 35 (or in many cases with the very close baby spacers, 30) no matter what and so want to pop that boy out ASAP and be onto doing cool and fun stuff instead of changing diapers. :)

Second point - It's the iceberg factor. What we call "swaying" is really just this tiny tip of a huge iceberg under the water.
But really, since our eggs were developing literally when we were inside our mother's womb, and the egg that is us, with all the coding for 1/2 our genes, was created in our grandmother's womb (let alone whatever our dad gives us), there are tons of things that have happened to us over the course of an entire lifetime that are affecting a sway. This gets lost because on this site we talk about what we CAN do, not what we can't. But there may be things that are just set and there is also what hubby brings to the table, and life circumstances/luck - I mean most of us are rolling that dice 2-3-4 times over the course of a lifetime, and even if gender was totally 50-50, there would be tons of people who could toss a coin 2,3,4 times and get 2,3,4 heads or tails in a row. You can see this in the Duggars, they have that long run of 50-50 B/G, then a long run of boys, then a long run of girls, any of which is more kids than most of us have. People think they are DOOOOOOMED because they have 2 or 3 of the same gender but even just from sheer random chance alone (not even going into swaying) it is totally poss to be 50-50 and have all boys or all girls. And if (as we believe) some of us are maybe 60-40 or 70-30 or even 80-20 set for a certain gender (because of things that happened over our lifetime or our mom's or even grandma's lifetime) we could do things that sway and then get to 50-50 or 40-60 or 30-70 or even 20-80 and then just not have the cards fall our way.

Swaying is not everything - it's just what we do to try to up our chances that we'll get the baby we hoped for sooner rather than later. If we all had as many kids as the Duggars we'd end up with a mix of genders 99.99% of the time but most of us don't want to do that, so that's why we sway. But the idea that swaying is a guarantee is a false notion. It just isn't. If it was, the human race would have died out a long time ago. That is why you can have people eat right off the girl diet and get boys back to back and vice versa. Diet is a great strategy for us but other things still come into play that we can't see.

I read this thread yesterday, and couldn't help thinking about it a little last night in bed.. I may be totally barking up the wrong tree here (I am not too clued up on this at ALL) and I really hope I am not about to offend anybody (either pink or blue swayers) as it totally not my intention to do so.. but am I right in thinking that generally speaking personality traits of pink/blue are: Pink- perfectionist/plan, plan, plan/to the point of overthinking/trying to control everything.. Blue- quite defeatist sometimes, thinking its doomed to fail, etc? If this is (mostly) true, and I really hope I am not speaking out of turn here.. is it maybe sometimes that the pink swayers want to control/plan and therefore decide they need to have the perfect sway with the perfect sibling spacing because then it HAS to work, and they can definitely be done with their next baby, so they wait and plan and make it all perfect... v the blue swayers who think, this probably has no chance of working anyway/I will fail at this, so might as well get on with asap and hope for the best? That's probably no help whatsoever LOL but I couldn't get it out of my mind last night, so thought it was worth posting just in case ;)

I think that is a distinct possibility for some people. Not only that they don't think it will work anyway and thus are in a rush (definitely true for some) but also that some just trust, in their awesome, laid back girl mama way, that it WILL work out without them having the best possible sway. Some blue swayers will say things to me along the lines of "If it's supposed to happen it will no matter what I do". Pink swayers want to chase down every possible lead and beat it to a bloody pulp - and I have to stop them from doing that, as we all know - but I have a fair-sized group of blue swayers who really have the opposite problem. An inordinate amount of faith in the tiniest of changes and thus they excuse themselves from doing lots of other things, usually the hard and effective things, using whatever they have done, or whatever symptoms they have or think they have as a justification. "It is ok for me to TTC when my baby is 4 weeks old and also lose weight doing 2 hours of cardio a day and taking these neato diet pills my herbologist gave me because I am drinking tea instead of coffee!" (I am only barely exaggerating.) But one of these things may not always be enough, it may be necessary to do a little more than just giving up coffee and taking (or not taking) a couple pills. This is not all blue swayers or most, just an important minority.

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

I think that is a distinct possibility for some people. Not only that they don't think it will work anyway and thus are in a rush (definitely true for some) but also that some just trust, in their awesome, laid back girl mama way, that it WILL work out without them having the best possible sway. Some blue swayers will say things to me along the lines of "If it's supposed to happen it will no matter what I do". Pink swayers want to chase down every possible lead and beat it to a bloody pulp - and I have to stop them from doing that, as we all know - but I have a fair-sized group of blue swayers who really have the opposite problem. An inordinate amount of faith in the tiniest of changes and thus they excuse themselves from doing lots of other things, usually the hard and effective things, using whatever they have done, or whatever symptoms they have or think they have as a justification. "It is ok for me to TTC when my baby is 4 weeks old and also lose weight doing 2 hours of cardio a day and taking these neato diet pills my herbologist gave me because I am drinking tea instead of coffee!" (I am only barely exaggerating.) But one of these things may not always be enough, it may be necessary to do a little more than just giving up coffee and taking (or not taking) a couple pills. This is not all blue swayers or most, just an important minority.

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It's funny because based off of the personality traits here I should be a girl swayer and have tons of boys. I am definitely more of a controlling person... but I'm sure the blue swayers on here could probably agree. If we didn't want some sort of control we wouldn't be on this site or even looking into ways to help our sway [emoji5]


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Yeah,all humans try to control their fate and environment. But after having done this for many many years now, the pink swayers are just in a class by themselves with this. There are certainly the occasional blue control freaks but they are fewer and farther between and are also usually pretty strict dieters and/or very into physical fitness.

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

Yeah,all humans try to control their fate and environment. But after having done this for many many years now, the pink swayers are just in a class by themselves with this. There are certainly the occasional blue control freaks but they are fewer and farther between and are also usually pretty strict dieters and/or very into physical fitness.

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Hahaha you couldn't be talking about me now could you. Lol *raising hand* the control freak/ personal trainer and takes my health and fitness very seriously... Atomic I will definitely be back and asking you more questions. I'm assuming you want to wait at least a year after she is born though?


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Originally Posted by Jconger

Hahaha you couldn't be talking about me now could you. Lol *raising hand* the control freak/ personal trainer and takes my health and fitness very seriously... Atomic I will definitely be back and asking you more questions. I'm assuming you want to wait at least a year after she is born though?


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She's also talking about me, haha ;p Man this thread has spun out, but I'm real pleased reading over the last posts as it all sounds like I've got a great 'blue' personality all in all. Guess the pink came out from my dieting so much and doing cardio before TTC - anyone who has difficulty keeping on with LE let me know btw, I have many tips for not feeling starved while dieting :) (get distracted, do something that occupies your hands so you don't snack, go into time consuming acitivities so time goes faster till your next 'allowed' meal, etc)

Atomic, for this important minority, you shoudl really hammer in the fact about them hurting their sway by NOT waiting. Just prepare this chunk of information and keep throwing it at them, about how you are here to provide maximum support for an optimal sway, so it is your job to let them know that they are hurting their chances by jumping in so fast and before recovering, and hit them with data and all the examples, reminding them that you have had tons of cases pass through your hands and are speaking from experience. Reiterate that it is best to wait a teeny bit more (a few months goes by so fast!!) than rush in and regret it. Once all of that is said and done and if they keep charging ahead, you've done your job IMHO.

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Originally Posted by Jconger

Hahaha you couldn't be talking about me now could you. Lol *raising hand* the control freak/ personal trainer and takes my health and fitness very seriously... Atomic I will definitely be back and asking you more questions. I'm assuming you want to wait at least a year after she is born though?


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Honestly, I'm NOT, but it's a trend that dates back to when I was on IG!!

You are always welcome to come and ask as many questions as you have, but yes I'd not TTC till baby is 12 months if you can at all stand to wait. :)

This thread has spun out hugely but that's what I love about keeping the threads going a while, we never know where it's gonna end up and they are chock full of info for anyone who reads them! Much better than having to read 30 different threads trying to find a scrap of info!

12 month is not so bad. I was thinking I'd have to wait like 2 years... which I was going to initially. See, I had it all planned out. 7 kids all spaced out 2.5- 3 years apart so I started when I was 20, but God had other plans and here I am. So now, I was thinking to TTC when baby is 1 year old to try an compensate for lost time, or I could just have less kids and continue my spacing as planned, meaning I should get preggo when baby is 21 months old. Ideally, I'd like to go for a 2 boys then 2 girls pattern. I like to BF for 2 years so... I just don't know right now lol. I have some time to plan, God willing.

It's nice to see all this input! Keep it coming blue swayers! lol.

cosmosis, good luck with your planning!! Jconger, good luck to you as well with your new DD, your future sway planning and the wait, my thoughts go out to you.

Atomic, threads and discussions branching out like this are great, it really does help to have a lot of information in one thread like this!

And.. I have two points to add to this discussion after some reflection:

-- Number one, for Atomic - have you already sorted your swayer population by 'swaying for gender' and 'swaying to avoid a gender'? I guess you must have as you do have separate forums on 'Gender Desire' and 'Gender Disappointment'. I feel after reading people's feedback that there are different categories of reasoning behind their sways - you have those who have a specific desire for a daughter/son, due to some reason, and then you have those who want a daughter/son because they want to avoid the opposite for whatever reasons as well.

To illustrate, in my case, it seems it was a vague idealistic wish for a 'gender-balanced' family that I dreamed up and issues coming from growing up in an all-girls' family with a very controlling, over-bearing and anxious mother (and a father who was very kind but let Mom run all the shots and never interfered much, saying she knew best.) I had loads of unwanted baggage from growing up that way, and so, despite the fact that I did feel like I wanted a daughter 'some day to complete my perfect family' I was sure I 'ought to' start with a boy, to avoid a girl first, anxious about passing on this very heavy heritage. (The wish for a boy first was therefore a 'let's avoid a girl first' wish; the only other alternative is the opposite sex after all!) I am happy to report that I feel very good now and it is largely thanks to reading over the forums here in the last months; reading posts from other ladies who experienced feelings similar to mine while growing up but for whom it evolved into a wish to have their own daughter to 'set things right'. It had NEVER occurred to me to think about it that way, and I have felt very positive about DD since, like that the Universe or whoever believes I have a good shot at being a good girl Mom after all, despite my apprehensions :)

I would love to sway yet for my 'perfect' family in the future, but I can see the difference between my attitude and this attitude of the other blue swayer population who are specifically 'desperate for a son' for whatever reason. I find it easy to envision waiting to allow more spacing between kids for an optimal sway, where I am coming from, while someone desperate to hold a son in their arms asap might not find it easy, which I get. See my point?

-- And second point - environmental pressure. I think we must sway for ourselves, not to fulfil other people's expectations. This is only my opinion, but I have been quite enraged on behalf of those women on here who have explained that part of their desperation comes from family/entourage putting pressure on them to produce a son (or daughter, same thing, just that we were talking blue here) to carry on the family name, to produce a sex that had been 'lacking' in the family, for whatever reason... Ladies. If I could go around with a huge bat and swat everyone who makes these sort of super-insensitive comments to you guys, I would! Since I can't, here is my best shot at 'why you shouldn't care': having a kid, being pregnant, giving birth and raising it is so HUGE. It is such a demand on our bodies, our lives, ourselves. Who the bloody hell do these people think they are that are putting pressure on you to keep getting pregnant till you pop out the gender they want? It can only, it must only be a very personal decision of yourself and your DH, period! If you are hesitating about agreeing with me on this, think of your own kid, as everyone here is (or almost is) a Mom: how would you feel about someone putting outside pressure on your kid to do something like that? It is unacceptable that others pressure women into becoming pregnant again asap before their bodies have had time to recover, and Atomic has already stressed the importance of looking after ourselves repeatedly and taking time to recover.

If you wanna sway, if it is really yourself that wants it - shoot. If you feel like it is outside pressure being exercised on you - I say stop and consider, particularly if it is society/parents/in-laws. Even if you produce the 'desired' gender in this case, then I think it will only be one step down the road and then the poor kid will have even MORE pressure from their extended family say - the long-awaited son must now grow up all manly, have a perfect job, home, get married and THEN get a son of his own; the long-awaited daughter must be the example of everything a modern woman can be - beautiful, smart, competitive but gentle, brave but also kind.. Geez ;p

If you are pressured to produce someone to carry on the family name - big sorries, but I am pretty sure that unless one of us produces the next Mozart or Joan of Arc, most names are going to be erased from people's memory within a couple of centuries, which is not a very long time, all things considered.

If you find that external pressure, comments and opinions still bother you - here's an unorthodox idea, but read some tombstones next time you are at a cemetery. Life goes by very fast, and here you already have people who also put pressure on others, had ambition, were driven to desperation - life is so short! Let the sway be about you and what you want, there's no time to run around trying to 'please' everyone else around you. You'll just get exhausted. You don't owe anything to anyone, least of all producing a gender-specific kid for them, if people feel like you do, then it's their problem, not yours.

Best of luck everyone :) :)

Bump this if I don't swing back to comment in the next couple days, getting to the end of my work day here.

bump :)