TTC Girl - January 2012

awww, that's a much nicer way to get a BFP - I had the worst experience I've had so far TTC after my MC. Each 2ww my body would torment me with strong pregnancy symptoms thanks to being more sensitive to progesterone... and each time AF turned up (so, twice) it sent me deeper into depression. My editor (a lovely middle aged gay man) actually guessed I was pregnant before I told anyone (didn't tell them until 16 weeks) I think because he noticed that I was less depressed -all my colleagues knew about my loss, of course, so probably assumed we'd be trying again!

Miscarriages are awful. :( I am also, whenever I get a BFP again, will be very cautiously optimisitic because it took me two goes to get my son! But my two miscarriages happened when I worked in a neonatal unit in Manchester... crazy, long hours, a lot of heavy work (I'm not a nurse or anything but I was still in the thick of it all) and a long time of travel distance. As soon as I switched to my current job in a nearby hospital, which is a desk job mostly and just under the edge of full-time, I got pregnant with my son within a month of working there.

So, hopefully, I don't experience loss again, but no one is safe from it. It happens. It's hard. I wish it didn't, but even so, it's a wonder our bodies manage to get it right so often considering it is a very complex process.

Good morning from the east coast. So we're still in Children's Hospital. Ds (3) on day nine of fevers over 103. Some insane virus is just attacking him. It's even more challenging because although incredibly sweet and gentle he is PDD-NOS and can't tell us what hurts. As a side effect they did discover an ear infection last night. They've pretty much ruled out Kawasaki Disease but we weren't so sure for a number of days. Another couple of days and they'll need to check his heart if fevers persist. On top of that the one yr old at home is now sick!!

O.k., On to TTC info. Last month was chemical. Been on diet, weight is 109 today. I am5'7". Been on baby aspirin,folic acid and loads of diet coke with gallons of Equal( I know ....bad). These last nine days in hospital diet has been very hard to follow. Barely leave room. Good news almost ate nothing ( or slept at all....again bad). Started testing with Opk's cd 8 negs. forever. started to fade to positive early last week. Dh was doing fr all month. Started dtd last Wednesday. Got super positive opk in hospital on following Tuesday. Didn't want to reverse all the work I'd done. Started TBM All week( again, seriously?? Is this what I've become). Now on to real question. My chest kills!! My Opk's will not turn back to negative. Super dark double lines. So annoyed. Did I not really O? Is my body still trying?? Dtd is impossible in here. TBM is stupidly( real word?) hard but manageable,I've also been diligent with Rephresh, small amounts of Replens and Sylk. What is your thought on what is up with my body and opk business?

Sorry so long but need help and a vent

:( glad you got your rainbow baby in the end, though. So sorry you had to have two angels before you got him.

true, noone is safe from it... I think I'll be scared next time too, but want to try and enjoy pregnancy more than I did with my DS. Don't know how easy that'll be. Ladies who can get through pregnancy without all that fear are so lucky, really - neither of my pregnancies were like that and I really think once you've had one MC your enjoyment of pregnancy is tainted for life.

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Originally Posted by sis4O

Good morning from the east coast. So we're still in Children's Hospital. Ds (3) on day nine of fevers over 103. Some insane virus is just attacking him. It's even more challenging because although incredibly sweet and gentle he is PDD-NOS and can't tell us what hurts. As a side effect they did discover an ear infection last night. They've pretty much ruled out Kawasaki Disease but we weren't so sure for a number of days. Another couple of days and they'll need to check his heart if fevers persist. On top of that the one yr old at home is now sick!!

O.k., On to TTC info. Last month was chemical. Been on diet, weight is 109 today. I am5'7". Been on baby aspirin,folic acid and loads of diet coke with gallons of Equal( I know ....bad). These last nine days in hospital diet has been very hard to follow. Barely leave room. Good news almost ate nothing ( or slept at all....again bad). Started testing with Opk's cd 8 negs. forever. started to fade to positive early last week. Dh was doing fr all month. Started dtd last Wednesday. Got super positive opk in hospital on following Tuesday. Didn't want to reverse all the work I'd done. Started TBM All week( again, seriously?? Is this what I've become). Now on to real question. My chest kills!! My Opk's will not turn back to negative. Super dark double lines. So annoyed. Did I not really O? Is my body still trying?? Dtd is impossible in here. TBM is stupidly( real word?) hard but manageable,I've also been diligent with Rephresh, small amounts of Replens and Sylk. What is your thought on what is up with my body and opk business?

Sorry so long but need help and a vent

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:( sorry your DS is still so ill, what a lot of stress you must be under right now

I'd do a pregnancy test in your position, OPKs can pick up pregnancy hormone, so perhaps you're pregnant!

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Originally Posted by rainbowflower

:( glad you got your rainbow baby in the end, though. So sorry you had to have two angels before you got him.

true, noone is safe from it... I think I'll be scared next time too, but want to try and enjoy pregnancy more than I did with my DS. Don't know how easy that'll be. Ladies who can get through pregnancy without all that fear are so lucky, really - neither of my pregnancies were like that and I really think once you've had one MC your enjoyment of pregnancy is tainted for life.

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Totally agree! I used to be one of those carefree women - I sailed through a high risk twin pregnancy (with which I got pregnant the first month we were actively trying), and also sailed through my pregnancy with ds3. I was one of those people who assumed miscarriages happened to 'other people'. My perspective has certainly changed now, and I've been on edge this whole pregnancy, and likely will be until I'm holding a healthy baby in my arms.

I'm so sorry for ALL of you who've had to experience a loss. It's awful. :HH:

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Originally Posted by rainbowflower

:( glad you got your rainbow baby in the end, though. So sorry you had to have two angels before you got him.

true, noone is safe from it... I think I'll be scared next time too, but want to try and enjoy pregnancy more than I did with my DS. Don't know how easy that'll be. Ladies who can get through pregnancy without all that fear are so lucky, really - neither of my pregnancies were like that and I really think once you've had one MC your enjoyment of pregnancy is tainted for life.

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I hear you on that one. :(

My mom bought me one of those little fetal heart monitors to try to keep me optimistic with my son. I hadn't yet heard his heartbeat with the midwife and I didn't get an ultrasound at 12 weeks as per protocol because I had an early one at nearly 9 weeks due to cramping and getting paranoid, so I had a long wait between that and 20 weeks. I had the fetal monitor when I was around 16 weeks and I gave it a try and found him, which helped, and I couldn't stop listening and hearing his heartbeat move away from the monitor simultaneously that I felt a little movement was amazing stuff. By the 20 week scan, after I had that, I was starting to feel okay finally. And having worked in the neonatal unit, I kept thinking if I got past 24 weeks, if anything were to happen, I know there are amazing people out there that can help.
Luckily, that was a bit melodramatic, but you cannot help but think that way!

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Originally Posted by Mochagirl

Totally agree! I used to be one of those carefree women - I sailed through a high risk twin pregnancy (with which I got pregnant the first month we were actively trying), and also sailed through my pregnancy with ds3. I was one of those people who assumed miscarriages happened to 'other people'. My perspective has certainly changed now, and I've been on edge this whole pregnancy, and likely will be until I'm holding a healthy baby in my arms.

I'm so sorry for ALL of you who've had to experience a loss. It's awful. :HH:

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:hugs:

Mocha - I guess you don't think about it if you don't hear anyone talking about it! I was posting on a forums even before TTC and there were ladies on there who were experiencing multiple MCs (some had had 8+) so I was aware of it from the start. Sometimes more information is not a good thing, even though I probably learnt a lot about temping, and fertility from that forums!
I think from the moment I got my first ever BFP I was excited but instantly petrified too because I was scared that the thing I wanted so much would be taken away from me. I got my little baby with me, connected, in there for 11 weeks in the end (almost 13weeks pregnant when we found out about the loss), and knowing he/she existed for just over 9 weeks... I feel grateful for that time even though it wasn't long enough. That was still our special first baby! Without that loss, we could never have had our precious DS, our rainbow baby... and can't imagine life without him.

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Originally Posted by suregena

I hear you on that one. :(

My mom bought me one of those little fetal heart monitors to try to keep me optimistic with my son. I hadn't yet heard his heartbeat with the midwife and I didn't get an ultrasound at 12 weeks as per protocol because I had an early one at nearly 9 weeks due to cramping and getting paranoid, so I had a long wait between that and 20 weeks. I had the fetal monitor when I was around 16 weeks and I gave it a try and found him, which helped, and I couldn't stop listening and hearing his heartbeat move away from the monitor simultaneously that I felt a little movement was amazing stuff. By the 20 week scan, after I had that, I was starting to feel okay finally. And having worked in the neonatal unit, I kept thinking if I got past 24 weeks, if anything were to happen, I know there are amazing people out there that can help.
Luckily, that was a bit melodramatic, but you cannot help but think that way!

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OMG my doppler was a lifesafer! we first heard DS at nearly 10 weeks and it was amazing! listened right before my dating scan because I needed to hear that he/she was alive and that I wouldn't be going in to see a motionless baby on the screen again.

I also kept setting targets to reach in order to feel safer, but there's always a new one, isn't there?

will you use the doppler next time?