TTC Blue Crew Grads

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Hobbermittens

If your DH is so sure about gender already, then she should let you have your surprise!

---

LOL Hobber I agree! He's now backpedaled and said he just "had a feeling" and he's not confident or anything and "maybe I'll get a boy feeling tomorrow!" I can't help but love him because he's so wonderful but geez. He started rattling off girl names right after declaring he had the girl feeling too! Then grumped at me b/c I didn't care for any of them, lol!

I did kind of have a boy feeling, but I had a boy feeling with DD1 and she's all girl so.... I don't trust myself (though I did buy some little blue hats already...) and I haven't told anyone that I've had any feelings. I attribute them to "wishful thinking" kwim?

I know what you mean about the sway... I already had us on the sway diet and we were lifting weights, but hadn't started supps really other than my usual prenatal and fish oil, hadn't really done anything else since we weren't officially TTC. I keep thinking of everything we did for our 3yo, who was a pretty hard-core sway, and that I didn't do this time.

But still, the "Dh thinks it's a girl, that means it's about 99% a girl, our sway wasn't 'textbook', etc," thoughts are better than the GD I had with Honor. I'd just rather not have that again. I wish DH would understand that. The "at birth" disappointment is kind of milder because you have this precious baby and real person in your arms. It's not the same as "rest of pregnancy" disappointed, like you said.

Skrimpy, what did you do different with your sway than with the boys you had naturally? For some reason, I thought your boy sway son was your only boy. I think the fact that you had two boys (presumably without swaying) before you swayed successfully means a lot, in terms of what you could be having this time. I bet your DH has a lot of good swimmers! And even if you weren't hard core swaying this time, being boy friendly in general is a good start. Lots of moms seem to get boys on diet alone!

I wish gender didn't matter, and I wish I knew why it does--for me, at least. If yours stems from your bad relationship with your mom, then maybe you can concentrate on having a good relationship with your girls to make up for it. I don't have a great relationship with my mom, either--we are fine long distance, but when we visit each other, it gets strained. I have tried to be a better mom to my girls, but I don't know if it is working.

Anyway, maybe your DH really isn't sure on the gender thing, or maybe he is wrong? Try not to get down, and enjoy your pregnancy. Is this your last baby?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Hobbermittens

I don't have a great relationship with my mom, either--we are fine long distance, but when we visit each other, it gets strained. I have tried to be a better mom to my girls, but I don't know if it is working.

---

This is basically exactly how I feel. DD1 is 10.5 now and I try so hard but I'm not sure if I'm doing well... it's hard to balance being a mom and needing to be in charge with making sure I'm letting her know I'm listening to her and what she thinks/feels is important to me (even if I can't give her her way). I just keep praying :)

DH has adopted my three eldest, so they are his but he is not their bio-dad. He had no kids before so thus far he's made a perfect pigeon pair ;) He's always saying how his dad made one boy then all girls, though I think he does that tease me.

Last night he held up two colored cards for Honor, a pink and blue one, and Honor picked the blue one over and over lol... DH said "see, she thinks it's a boy and don't you know daughters always know better than Daddy!" - but I sort of think he did it just because he could tell that saying he had a feeling it's a girl got me down.

With G, our boy sway, I did diet, basically all the recommended IG supps (I also took CLO even though it was taboo to talk about that on IG), and I also did COT and apple cider drinks. I had tons of EWCM so I didn't use any lubes, but we did make sure to DTD on O day and made sure I had big O as well as DH.

Really this time wasn't too different b/c I feel like I was already doing well with diet and truly think that's most important. I wasn't doing the drinks or all the supps. I'd always sort of felt like the drinks helped, but since I did have the older boys without them, maybe it really is diet. With all three I was pretty much eating a HE diet b/c I was following the Brewer Pregnancy Diet while nursing and it's a very HE diet. I don't know when the older two were conceived, but I suspect it must of been right at O b/c the only reason their dad would have bothered staying home to pay any attention to me had to be pheromones, LOL. Usually he left me alone from around 6am one morning til 2am the next. This current baking LO was an O day by accident though hehe, since DH and couldn't keep our hands off of each other!

I feel lucky b/c DH had said we'd have 2 together (since he adopted the 3 that came with me)... and even though little Riceball is a little earlier than we'd planned, he had already said we could try again since he knew I really wanted to. I'm not sure what he'd say to another after this one. I still cling to the thought of a little boy to be my last baby, but if this LO is a girl, not sure what he'd say. Except for the stress of hoping I'm helping them grow up emotionally healthy, I love all parts of raising kids and especially love babies, so I'd probably just keep having them til we end on a boy. But I want to enjoy them without worrying about gender while I'm pregnant, really :(

I guess that's a big reason why I did WANT girls because my mom and I have a very unconsistent relationship and I *think* I know what a duaghter would need since I never got some of it from my mom. Our relationship is so complicated though, that it's hard for me to unravel all of its mysteries.

My relationship with my Dad has always been much more straightforward. Now that I am having my desired gender, I definitely have a strong strong desire to have a 4th, but when I think about the 4th, I feel so torn. A part of me would love to have another girl to give Lillian a sister, but then it worries me because I honestly do not like my two sisters; I am much closer to one brother...what if a sister was too much "competion" etc for her? If she was my only girl, she'd be so speical and have that spot in the family. But then I can't get over how much I love that my sons have each other and I may really want Lillian to experience the same, and two little girls could be so cute and evenly balanced with my two boys.

But yet I have posted on here so many times, but I truly cannot shake off the feeling of boy 3. I feel it so deeply in my bones that we will have a 3rd boy, and he will be so deliciously cuddly and sweet and perfect as my last baby.

I guess for me alot of my Gender disappoinment in having boy 2 was that I wanted to have that 1 girl, just to say or tell eveyrone that I could do it, that I could have a mixed gender family. My much older sister has 4 boys and hearing all the family always critique her all boy clan put ideas in my head before I even started having kids...and it made me feel really desperate about getting that "one" girl to even the odds a little, so I think now that I'm getting the girl, I feel like if I did have a 4th, and it was a boy, I wouldn't have the gender issues because I have already "proven" that I had the girl, if that makes any sense?

God gender desire is soooo multi layered and complicated....it's nuts.

And skrimpy I think that is so awesome how open your DH is to having kids...I do think it would be something special to end on blue, I can still visualize what my third boy may look like, and I feel like he's already in my heart.

Skrimpy, your DH sounds like a great guy. How lucky you are that he is into having more babies! I had to beg DH to have a 4th. I would love a little boy as my final child, too.... that's one of the reasons I am bummed about probably having a girl this time. :( But there is NO WAY that DH would go for a 5th, and besides, I am already 39, so I think I need to be done.

Auroara, I think whatever you get for your 4th will be perfect. 2 and 2 would be great, and then everyone has a buddy; but a little boy would be awesome too. :)

Thanks so much for sharing your feelings Auroara, I really find it helpful to share and to also hear others' perspectives and what other moms are feeling. I think what you said - thinking about how you can do better for your daughter - is a good way to think about it :) I do hope I do better for my girls than I felt was done for me.

I didn't have any sisters, just a brother, and I never felt a desire to have a sister, either. I love my brother and was glad for just him. But I agree with you - it does seem like it's good for siblings to have a sibling of the same sex. I have friends who were great friends with their sister (and also had great relationships with their moms). My mom talks about how her sister found her so annoying b/c they were far apart in age... the same gap between my 10yo and my 1yo... I get annoyed at her for that... I'm working hard to foster a good relationship between them and her stories feel like she's trying to undermine that. Another mom issue there though lol.

If you have another little boy, you will have what I always thought my family makeup would be - I always pictured B, B, G, B :) I thought that would be nice to share my "girly" loves with my daughter (I loved dolls) and have big brothers for her, then a sweet little boy to be my "baby boy."

I do think gender desire is a really complex thing for many... and it's interesting to know that birth family can have such a huge influence, like you noticed just listening to the way your older sister's kids were talked about. My parents strongly favored my daughter over the boys and it finally took my DH and me being really straightforward with them about how we needed it to stop before they (mostly my mom) kind of reigned it in. She still denied it, but has changed her behavior. I think she wanted my DD's to be what I wasn't (a girly-girl I was not!!). I think issues like that get really complex and cause us to feel one way or another.

I think it's sweet that you can picture your little DS and feel him there. I had a dream once about a little boy in those little striped Osh Kosh overalls... I thought at the time it was my 3yo, but that little boy looks completely different than my 3yo has turned out to look in toddlerhood. So maybe there's another little guy.

I agree with Hobber - I think whatever you have for number four will be a perfect fit in your family. It's so true that they are perfect in who they are. It's just sometimes challenging to figure out how they'll fit when we're picturing our "ideal" in our heads!

i think other people can influence gender disappointed more then we do ourselves. for years i heard, "why don't you have a boy?" do you want a boy?" i bet you want a boy" "your poor husband, all those girls!" "i guess the family name dies with you." "invest in tampons!"
i felt like a huge failure. why did everyone else get a boy except me? it started changing when my daughter died. i was told it was a 5th girl and it hit me hard, i screamed and cried. i didn't want to be pregnant anymore. then my water broke. she only lived about 2 hours but gosh if i could only take back all the awful things i said and thought. maybe she would still be here.
now that my son has finally arrived. there is no difference. its just he wears blue instead of pink. the nurses didn't care it was a boy. there was no glitter or confetti. we didn't get a special blue bucket ( bassinet) at the hospital to keep the baby in. it was the same blanket, same hat, same old stuff for all the babies and now that he's home.. he wears blue. so having that magical desired gender isn't a magic cure. it didn't make me a better mom, it just gave me another baby. try not to let other people influence your desires.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Hobbermittens

Skrimpy, your DH sounds like a great guy. How lucky you are that he is into having more babies! I had to beg DH to have a 4th. I would love a little boy as my final child, too.... that's one of the reasons I am bummed about probably having a girl this time. :( But there is NO WAY that DH would go for a 5th, and besides, I am already 39, so I think I need to be done.

---

Hobber I think so many DH's are worried about the costs of raising LO's and the thought of a big family scares them... I know one of my friends is having that with her DH right now - they have 3 DD's and I know she really wants to try one more time for a DS, but he's terrified of paying for the 3 they have now once they get older. Maybe that's what your DH feels too. It's good he said okay to a 4th. Maybe this baby will be such a dream he'll want more ;) I can't believe my DH said okay again after how cranky Honor is lol!

Have you had a strong feeling from the beginning of this pregnancy Hobber?

I had a super-strong feeling that my 9yo was a girl. I even called a good friend and asked her if I could use her daughter's name because I loved the name! I was shocked when the technician pointed out that he was definitely a he. I had been sure right up until then.

With this LO I got kind of a boy feeling early on, but it's not strong or assured, and I think if DH is feeling girl, it's more likely he's right. My feelings are probably wishful thinking!

I think though the thing with feelings is that they're easier to deal with than knowing for sure, at least for me. It's easier to just enjoy pregnancy and enjoy my unborn baby (especially) once feeling movement. Deciding to wait until birth lets me not dwell on it as much for some reason I guess. I'm still hoping maybe DH will decide he's okay with going strictly Team Green this time - it's nice your DH is good with that :)

Skrimpy, I think my DH is more concerned about being overwhelmed than about the money. I know money does factor into it some, but he was more concerned about money with #3 than he has been with #4. I just think 4 is our limit.

I have thought the baby was a girl for a while; I thought I saw a girl nub at the NT scan, but I didn't get pictures or anything, so I don't have proof.

I totally agree that dealing with "feelings" is MUCH easier than dealing with reality! I really hope your DH lets you stay Team Green.

I think it's easy to feel overwhelmed, especially with all young children. I'm actually feeling way more together this pregnancy because DD1 can make lunch and all three of the big ones can make a nice breakfast (eggs, bacon, etc) - so they help out a lot. I still have to really follow up with chores and of course as children they can and do get wild and foolish! But I think overall things are easier now that I have older ones to help. We also homeschool and I think that helps a lot because I have to be organized and together or else everyone goes insane.

I've always said my goal is to make the babies look easy so DH will keep wanting more, but I failed miserably with my cranky little Honor ;)

I'm worried I'll obsess over glances at our scan, but then I haven't been able to tell until the tech pointed it out with any of them, so not too worried. I figured the only way I'll know is if I see a big, obvious penis and then, well, I'll be happy :) But with my 3yo the very first shot was a classic "let it all hang out" potty shot of the boy goods... and I didn't even notice it until I'd watched the video a few times :p I do find myself going back over their u/s pictures based on the skull theory though... it's so strange what we get hung up on...

Now DH is saying we'll get two envelopes, one for me, one for him, and he'll take his to the office. Then I'll never know if he opens it. He'll tell me if I open mine though. Hah!

I watched gender reveal parties on youtube today... sadly I think 85% of them were girls... maybe it's a sign. *sigh*!