Originally Posted by
Girlieplease
Bukoram and baby I hardly know what to write, I have been trying to think all evening about what I could say how I could reply. I was so horrified when I read your posts because I realised that they referred to my post? Can I just say with all certainty that it was never my intention to upset you in anyway. You are both going through such a difficult time at the moment, I am so upset to think I caused you upset or pain I can only apologise for this.
It is just a difficult dilemma for me, I really don't really know how to resolve it. My situation is that no one in real life bar my dh knows I am pregnant and no one will ever know we swayed. I have no one in rl to talk to, my dh is a good man but he does not agree with swaying and he has been clear from the start that if we end up with another boy he will not tolerate any upset about this. I was so glad to find this site because I felt here at least people would understand, I could be honest about how I feel and not feel judged because of it. But after this evening I don't know if this is the case. I so so wish I did not feel like this, I so wish that I could just be happy with what I have, I wish that but that is unfortunately not my reality. My brother and his wife had there 20 week scan today, of course it's a girl, when they sent the photo through I just broke down and cried, I felt sick. How awful is that I cannot even be happy for my brother. He tried to phone me tonight and I could not speak him, I could not cope with it. It is a task for tomorrow when I feel stronger and I will phone him and tell him how excited I am and how wonderful it is.
For me this site is about people who want to achieve what they have always wanted and for some that is daughter or a son, for some that is a sister or a brother. For my part I am the only girl in my family, I have 15 boy cousins. I always wanted two girls, sisters. Largely because it is what I never had, when I had dd, I said to my dh I wanted to try for a sister for her as soon as possible, I got pregnant when she was 8 months and found out at 20 weeks it was a girl, well how I invested in that. I then discovered at 36 weeks are was a he, the devastation, made worse by everyone else excitement because he was the first boy, all my cousins had girls. We tried again for a girl and had ds2 my dd was devastated we told her in November and she wrote a letter to santa asking for a baby sister instead, no presents just that, it was heart breaking. I dont know how this sway will work out but my dilemma is if it is a boy it will be unbearable the pain, whether you accept that or not. What do I do with that then, I don't think I can talk about that here if it will upset others?
I am not the best communicator on these forums but I really want to apologise if I have upset you guys, it was not my intention, you have been a great support for me in the past and I will always be so grateful for that. I am feeling very emotional today, my gut tells me that you guys need this site at the minute so I should step away and not upset people further. Maybe I could join the June, July August groups, it is such a dilemma because I want support for myself but am horrified by the idea that I have upset others in the process :-(
