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Ilovebagels - I completely understand wanting your brother to have a boy! For a little girl to be in your face all the time would be so hard...fx for a little boy for him, too! Hope you're starting to feel somewhat better...it took me about 2-3 weeks to really start coming out of my funk. Things are definitely getting better now, not that I am "there" yet. Hugs!
Retrolove - I followed your nub thread, and was sad for you when I saw your update. I am so sorry you didn't get your DD. I understand fully, as I am having my 4th boy...and I was SURE this one was a girl. I can honestly say that the devastation and crying will improve. At first I thought that I would be stuck feeling that way for the rest of my life. Definitely not so. Feeling better already! (I found out a little over a month ago.) Anyway, big hugs to you!!
Emmyroo - I know how you feel. My big scan is next Wednesday (at 18 weeks), and I am secretly hoping Mat21 and my nub were wrong! I know it's another boy, but I can't help but hope! I am praying his little legs are WIDE open so there's no question at all. It will kill me if his legs are crossed or too close together to get a good look. Fortunately, in the past, none of my boys have been shy, so I'm hoping this one won't be either. I just need 100% closure, you know. I want to bond with him and think of a name and decorate his nursery and all of that stuff...I'm sure I could go ahead and do it based on my Mat21 results (99.4% accurate), but I guess I just want to see the goods myself. Haha. I'm a nut! Anyway, hope in time you're able to get excited...I am not there yet either, but I think I'll get there. Hugs to you, too!
AFM - My big scan got moved to next Wed, the 25th. Doc had to reschedule. Looking forward to seeing little boy, hoping it helps me to bond with him...still feeling somewhat disconnected from this pregnancy, in part because of GD, but also since I am barely feeling any movement, due to anterior placenta.
I find myself feeling more at peace about this LO, so glad that time heals. I know he will be such a special addition to our family, and I am looking forward to see how he fits in, who he looks like, and what his personality is like. I'm also feeling more at peace about a fifth...I think big families are wonderful. I've witnessed it firsthand...my dad is from a family of 5 kids. They have so much fun together, and there is lots of love and laughter. It will be worth it for a DD! Of course, if we go natural, I know it's a possibility that it will be DS5, and not sure how I'd handle it. Right now, I just have to trust that God really is behind all the rainbows. I could of course end up deciding that my GD is what fueled all that, and that we'll need to go HT, or just pray that God does indeed want us to have a daughter and trust Him to bring her to us. We're already praying He does!
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Hi all,
Emmyroo- sorry that you didn't get a wonderful surprise at 20wk scan. I almost booked a private gender scan the other day as still clinging to the hope they were wrong, but after spending hours pouring over google images of ultrasound pics and knowing what I saw clearly with my own eyes I know it would just be a waste of money.
I am 25 weeks now and getting loads of big kicks- he's an active one for sure! I am very excited about getting to meet him and curious wondering who he will look like (ds1 is very fair like me and ds2 is dark like my husband), but not an hour, minute or second goes by when I don't find myself thinking about the daughter I will never have.
Really hoping it will get easier when he arrives but right now I am finding little point in this pregnancy. Still feel sick as a dog, can barely walk due to SPD. Not enjoying this pregnancy one little bit. Plus the regular blood tests and monitoring due to my previous ICP will start in ernest now so feel It's goin to be a long 15 weeks!!
Xx
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Mabel, I'm so sorry to hear that you're struggling. Spd is a bitch, I had it with ds2. I hope you're getting support from DH. What is ICP? Good to hear that you're getting regular monitoring from the midwives.
It is exciting trying to imagine how our LO's will turn out! I do that too, but know that he'll be his own little person. I just find that bit a huge mystery, I can't work out how he'll change the dynamics of our little family yet!
Emmy, I'm glad to hear that your scan went well! Sorry that it's still a little boy though :( You've had quite a journey to get to this point & it must be hard to accept the outcome. :hugs: x x
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Mabel and myrainbow girl you both said exactly how I feel, like I'm not really connected to the pregnancy and not enjoying it like I should, and like I wanted to when I first got pregnant with this last ever baby.
I have an anterior placenta too which explains the faintness of the kicks, and when I do get little movements it always makes me smile, I know I love him and meeting him will only strengthen that, but I can't help feeling a bit "what's the point?", if that makes sense? Yesterday I just felt like I've got another 20 weeks of getting fatter, more uncomfortable and my SPD getting worse (I'm getting the first twinges now), leading to another horrifically painful labour, delivery and post-natal period, and all for what? Another boy who no-one is going to be overly excited about cos it's just more of the same, who will grow up too quickly and start wrecking my house alongside his brothers, ignoring my instructions and exhausting me just like DS1 and DS2 do now. I will feel like I've just signed myself up for another 7, 8, 9+ years of hell when I SHOULD be looking forward to the excitement of meeting my first ever DD. :tissue: Then I just HATE myself for even entertaining thoughts like that. I mean, this gorgeous baby boy is my rainbow after the loss in January which was the worst thing that's ever happened to me. He didn't ask to be conceived and I knew very well when I went into this sway that there was every chance it wouldn't work, especially after I lost the first baby (after a really strong sway) and was just too desperate to get pregnant again to sway as strongly the second time. It was the right way to go for me at the time, so I'm trying not to feel regret, but I'm just finding it really hard to see the positives in this and look to the future happily, iykwim?
DH just texted me to say his sister is 9 weeks pregnant. She has PCOS and has had about 4 miscarriages (that we know of) before and after her DD (now 2) was born. My initial reaction was nerves thinking "oh no, another person who's going to have a girl". :( What is the matter with me?? I should feel nothing but happiness for her given what she's been through! I just feel like the worst person in the world and wonder how I'll ever get through GD if I panic every time someone gets pregnant that they're going to have a girl and it'll rub my sadness in my face again. Like it's all about me?? AAAARRGH!! :hair:
x
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Emmy, I could have written your post. Good luck, I hope it gets better for us both!
Mathilde
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Mathilde, this must be so hard for you after everything you've been through already to try & get your dd. You know we're here for you whenever you need to vent over it all. I do want to congratulate you on your healthy little boy even though I know it's not what you wanted. :heart:
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Uggggggggggggggggggghhhh my brother is having a girl. I don't know if I explained my situation. I have a dd, and wanted to give her a sister (I know, I'm greedy. It's just what I know and I know we can't help what we prefer, but I just wanted another). Actually, I just always wanted two boys or two girls (didn't care which). I grew up with two brothers and was/am always jealous of same sex siblings that are best friends. Anyway, I was coming to terms with the fact that I was never going to give my DD a sister and realized she has a cousin a little bit older, which is pretty close to a sister, right? I thought if my brother's kid is a boy, it would be a perfect opportunity to give my son a little buddy. Anyway, that's not going to happen. I guess he'll be the only boy in a family full of girls. Am I way over thinking all of this? Who's gonna bro down with my little son now? And will my DD be all upstaged by this new adorable cousin?
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Dreamofpink- ICP stands for intraheptatic cholestasis of Pregnancy (formally known as Obstetric Cholestasis). Your liver and gall bladder don't cope we'll with the pregnancy and you get altered liver function and raised bile acids. Research is limited but seems to suggest that the raised bile acids in your blood can affect the baby and cause stillbirth. I was diagnosed with it in my last pregnancy and have been told I have 90% chance of getting it in subsequent pregnancies. They will do regular blood tests to monitor my bile acids from now on and if any results are elevated I will be started on medication and have to go in for twice weekly fetal monitoring as well as the twice weekly bloods. Pain in the arse when the local maternity unit has closed and the nearest is now an hour away. I always knew my chances of getting ICP again were high and any future pregnancies would be closely monitored but it seemed worth it for another shot at my girl so I shouldn't moan- knew what I was getting myself into from the start!
Emmyroo- yes, I feel the same about not being bothered with this pregnancy. Told my midwife as much the others day. She didn't comment which surprised me. Was expecting some words of comfort, but she seemed to ignore my comments.
Nicest comment I have had recently is from my DS1's previous teacher. Bumped into her in the playground and she rushed over when she saw my bump to congratulate me. I told her we'd tried one last time for a girl but it was another boy and she just hugged me and said how amazing it will be to have three little boys running round together and that my eldest son is just the loveliest boy and and was an absolute joy to teach so how amazing this one will be too. Very sweet of her.
Hope everyone has a good weekend xx
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Waiting4Daisy thank you so much for the perspective. although that's kindof what i'm scared of! is your brother a nice well adjusted man today? or did all that spoiling go to his head??
