It's not them, it's ME

Hobbs ITA the heart wants what it wants... I totally get where you're coming from and many of your words re: GD have helped me out. I'm keeping FX you have another DS in there. Oh and I will PM you today re: the encopresis stuff. Just saw your note on the other thread.

NBP that's the thing with adoption that is so scary ... all the unknowns. There are unknowns when we have bio kids too though, but ITA the ones with adoption are a whole 'nother ball game. We have 2 friends who have adopted internationally, one from China and one from Russia, so have some idea of what we'd be getting into. And much as I want-to-want to adopt, I don't think it's where DH and I are supposed to be leading our family. So while it's out there it's still something neither of us feel like is our path.

The only folks I know who've done HT IRL have, like you said, not even had a single embryo left or had only 1-2. It seems that's not uncommon. If it comes down to us having another one DH and I will have to have some very serious convo's about it. I'm really not sure I want to get pg again w/o knowing it'll be a DS so in a way I'm afraid it's going to come down to us either doing HT, or not having a 4th. Ugh. Much like I wish we felt called to adoption I wish we felt 100% comfortable with HT.

You've just had a baby. Give it some time.

I agree, B. Just try to put it on the backburner for now and tell yourself that you will readdress it in say, a year or whatever, and just know that you have options and having your son is not off the table. That's how I get through the day- I just say, well, we'll have one eventually, one way or another so I don't obsess all the time.

My cousin has a son from Russia, same thing. He has problems, and is very small, but a smart kid. Their second child came from China also, a girl. She is as healthy as can be, but a lot of children from Russia are from malnourished mothers, etc, so you do have to be careful and be prepared for medical issues. That being said, you could do HT for way less than $40K if I'm not mistaken.

You know, the leftover embryo thing is not my favorite part to think about. What I choose to focus on is that we will hopefully have a child, and I know our situations are different and I'd be doing IVF because we can't get pg naturally, but I'd rather have a child than no child, even if we have some embryos that end up going to waste. But for you, you will have your son, guaranteed. It's a sacrifice, but it may be worth it in the end. It has to be the right decision for you, though, but I do think you should enjoy your sweet little baby and think about it down the road.

I just want to see you with your desires fulfilled, whatever way that happens!!!

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Originally Posted by LolaInLove

I just want to see you with your desires fulfilled, whatever way that happens!!!

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Same to you love! :kiss: Can't wait to hear how the appt tomorrow goes!

That's exactly how I see it as Lola describes it. My DS would not be here has it not been for HT. No other child from us would have been here had it not been for HT.

My motto is to ask God to meet me half way in life. I never expect or ask for anything to be given to me.

With HT, I begged for a son. Just like he had. I begged. So, if I am/was wrong, I've already made peace with that. I look at my DS and I see no wrong, no shame.

I keep posting and harping on you because you are me. I identify with you. And I want what I have for you.

Thanks NBP :HH: ITA with you and Lola's perspective. One of my favorite kiddos in this whole world, other than my own, is here because of IVF. I absolutely, positively believe God works in many ways, and I don't doubt those HT kids are any less His plan for how they came to be here.

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Originally Posted by nuthinbutpink

That's exactly how I see it as Lola describes it. My DS would not be here has it not been for HT. No other child from us would have been here had it not been for HT.

My motto is to ask God to meet me half way in life. I never expect or ask for anything to be given to me.

With HT, I begged for a son. Just like he had. I begged. So, if I am/was wrong, I've already made peace with that. I look at my DS and I see no wrong, no shame.

I keep posting and harping on you because you are me. I identify with you. And I want what I have for you.

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I totally love this post for these two statements. I want what she has for you too, B. I think that is why I keep mentioning HT also. You could have your son next, guaranteed. Wouldn't that be an awesome feeling? I have not been there, but I can almost swear to you that all of your misgivings and ethical worries will be gone immediately the second you hold your newborn son.

And your motto is awesome, NBP. I'm gonna adopt that one, because I've really been struggling with what I believe in for the past few months, even thinking there may be no God, which is common when infertility strikes, so I read. Thanks for posting that.

What a lovely thread, I can relate to so much of it but too much to be able to reply specifically. Just replying so I can find it again easier

I know this is completely irrelevant, but I would LOVE to have three girls. Many many women must look at you with longing and envy. I would cut of an arm to have just one girl if im honest. But I totally get it. I have three sons and feel a complete and utter failure for not being able to produce a daughter. I feel like I must be too ugly or horrible or have done something terrible in a past life and am being punished. It's awful. My heart oes out to you.