GD is Destroying My Marriage

Atomic - thank you so much for taking the time to write a heartfelt response to my post. I know how busy you are and thank you so much on behalf of myself and the other women here dreaming pink and blue. If it wasn't for your amazing customized plan, I truly don't think I'd have a snowball's chance of hearing pink this Friday, so thank you so much for all you do.

I hate to say it, but to tell the truth, I've yet to be excited about this pregnancy for even a minute. All it's been is anxiety and stress and worry. I know this isn't good for me or baby but I can't seem to help it. I keep trying to change my thoughts but to no avail.

Your friend was right about how a daughter won't make me happy. But I also can't be happy unless my daughter appears. My life/family will never ever be complete until she is in it. GD takes most the joy out of being a Mom and having a family for me. I have been praying so hard that it is going to all stop on Friday.

I do understand where you're coming from about how you would feel upset if your DH was upset about having a girl. If the shoe were on the other foot though and we had a DD and DH was aching inside for a DS, I would have been willing to do a lot more to try and help him achieve his goal of having a DS. I also wouldn't be laughing at him and telling him to go see a shrink. He really just doesn't understand how I'm feeling and he doesn't listen to me. It has been making things harder for me.

This is a hard age with my DS. He has been terrible lately and DH and I have about had it with him. I am actually starting to worry if he has issues with language/comprehension or if he's just too strong willed to listen to us. I don't know. I hope he calms down soon.

To Jen: Thanks for leaving a response to me too. This has been a much much harder pregnancy for me than the last one. I am so emotional and upset about everything these days.

GD has put such a strain on my marriage since the day we found out DS was a boy. DH and I used to be so happy together. Now I feel like I spend every day trying to avoid stepping on land mines and starting another argument, and so much of it is around the family dynamic of his family which is very girl centric if that makes sense. They have a lot more girls and I just seethe with jealousy at the girl toys and outfits. I am so sick of it and can't take it anymore. I hate feeling so left out and hence, so...worthless.

DS' outbursts are not helping things for me right now and I truly can't imagine having 2 little boys. I truly don't think I can cope with that right now and I know everyone says two boys are wonderful, but I just don't see it. :( Sorry, I know you're only trying to help. I'm glad having 2 boys worked out for you. I don't believe I'd be so lucky. Part of it is just my own bad attitude. I guess I don't want to change my mind or open my heart to the idea of another boy. The GD hurt so bad with DS, and still does, and I don't want to be hurt again. I am sorry, I know this sounds terrible and makes me sound like a horrible person.

I have recently decided that I'm going to start being more honest with myself and a bit kinder and gentler toward myself and stop apologizing for feeling the way I feel and just being honest so I don't have to keep burying the pain inside myself just to shield others from things. It's like a new coping mechanism for me I guess. I truly feel like I'm about to reach my breaking point, and I am very afraid right now.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BabyGirl4Me

I have recently decided that I'm going to start being more honest with myself and a bit kinder and gentler toward myself and stop apologizing for feeling the way I feel and just being honest so I don't have to keep burying the pain inside myself just to shield others from things. It's like a new coping mechanism for me I guess. I truly feel like I'm about to reach my breaking point, and I am very afraid right now.

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That is the first step in taking better care of yourself. In all my experiences in life I have decided the MOST important thing is taking good care of myself and my needs. It makes me a better mother, better wife, and an overall better person.

Hang in there mama, things will change soon enough, thank goodness!!!

i know what you're feeling hun - i am having my 7th boy
my dh just doesnt get it, i want a girl so bad my heart is broken
he says he wants a girl too but he gets angry with me when i get upset about this baby being a boy.

i never had a mother daughter bond with my own mother as both my parents abandoned me as a child and i was raised by my grandparents who i wasnt close to either
all my sister in laws have girls or are having girls and are constantly made a big deal of and here i am with "too many boys" that people think it's a joke
no one gets excited for us when i am pregnant because they know "it's just another boy" anyway

i just wish hubby would understand how i am feeling but i know he will never understand as was done after our first 2 and would have happily settled with the 2 boys we had at the time and left it at that.
everytime we argue he brings up how he never wanted all these boys and its my fault we have 6 and another on the way.

hope hope and pray you will get your little girl - it's an awful feeling knowing you will never get the one thing you want most.

I understand what you are feeling, and it's okay. I don't think men really get gender dissapointment, unless they truely want one over the other. At 16 wks I found out that dd2 was a girl. I thought I was going to have a boy, because my pregnacy was 100% differant than dd1 and I also had regretfully gotten a bunch of psychic readings that also told me boy. I was so dissapointed I cried, then for the next month I spend at least an hour a day looking for US pics at 16 weeks that looked like hers that turned into a boy. I would convince myself that if I turned the US pic just right, it looked like she had boy parts because the pic didn't clearly show the usual three lines. Then at 21 weeks I found out that I had a 2 vessel cord, which then put me at high risk, and I learned I would have to go to the dr's every two weeks for a NST and have more US's to check her growth. After that, all I wanted was a healthy girl. It didnt matter that she was a girl, just as long as she was healthy and had all of her major organs. Atfer she was born I regretted feeling mad about having another girl. My dd's are 19 mon apart and they are wonderful together. You will get past this. Hopefully you will get your girl.