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I can only repeat what the others have already said. You are NOT a bad person. I feel the same way as you, just like hundreds of others here. On here where we can be totally honest without being judged. If you look at my past posts you will see how I felt when my sister had a DD last Aug…GD is a total f***ing nightmare!
I wish you strength and a successful sway.
Just wanted to say that I can relate too. I have tried a lot of the stuff you mentioned in your "treatment" plan, with the same results you had. I've tried regular talk therapy, but it didn't help much, it was not specific enough. I'm now looking into hypnotherapy to try to "re-program" me out of GDe, esp the feeling inferior to ppl who have mixed genders. If anyone has any other advice of things that helped them overcome this beast, please share them.
I have to say I am luckier in a way bc I know lots of boy-only moms of my generation and the one before (some admitted to having GD, others not). I even know a few who had a preference for boys, which I thought was impossible for women!
As for infertility, I would def say it's the same kind of feeling, but of a lesser intensity. Not being able to have ANY kids would be a LOT worse for me.