Unexpected "announcement" - SO MAD!

Thank you all.

We are home now but before we left my dear MIL commented on DHs "thining" hair and said "well I'm not surprised, you have so many reasons for your hair to go thin being married to her and trapped with all those kids!" -Ahhh, they are ALL his kids too!

And then she came up to me and said "you know of you're only 5weeks I can influence and change the behaviour of your baby" and started doing these weird hand gestures towards my stomach!!??!? I just said "thank you for having us" and walked away to get in the car.

I am so upset that she knows, and so is DH cause of her big mouth. He doesn't want her telling people in case something goes wrong and then everyone has to know that too. But he won't say anything to her.

Then today, DH and I popped down the road for 5mins whilst DS6 was asleep and DS1 was home (the others were at school) and I wanted a particular chicken roll from a certain place. So we went there and they don't have these rolls anymore, and I lost it!

I burst into tears. DH said "you don't need to cry over chicken" and I said "it's not just the chicken" and told him how I was feeling about everything. How I feel like he HATES me, how the way he looks at me, speaks to me, and treats me is upsetting me...how I feel like I've given up everything for him to have the job he wants, live where he wants, do what he wants etc and look after the kids it's all for nothing because even the kids don't appreciate anything and are learning to disrespect me too. How the way his mother treats me upsets me and I don't understand why as I've always been nice to her, how my parents and family upset me and how I have noone and feel so alone and just like "nothing" and I don't get why as I'm not a horrible person! I told him how I don't think I'll ever get our daughter and how scared I am that this baby is a boy and I feel our m/c was our girl. I told him how upset I was and how much we need to move houses but the fact that he won't help paint, fix the gardens or make any effort really gets to me, and about how the way he has been treating the kids has upset me (and them) and I feel like I've achieved nothing in my life and want to study or do something and how I can't without his help. I said I want my husband to love me, to have my happy family.

I literally poured my heart out and told him everything about how I'm feeling....all I got back was "well you need to work out what you want to do with your life". That was it!! No hug, no I don't hate you, I love you, no nothing!

Then we all went out to watch DS5 play his school footy final (and win! 😀) and went to the shops to get all the kids stuff for school and now dinner and kids bathed and in bed etc, and I've got a massive headache from crying.

Maybe I'm just over emotional because I'm tired and pregnant, but I'm feeling pretty crappy about it all. 😞

And thank you for all the virtual hugs. I needed them. 😊💜

They say you teach people how to treat you and I believe that to be true. If you feel your Mom, MIL, DH, and now your kids are disrespectful it is because you allow it. You need to call people on the carpet in the moment they disrespect you... they will actually respect you more for it.

Ugh that is just aweful! So sorry you are dealing with this and on top of not feeling well to have to put up with that! People like that aren't used to people standing up to them they are used to pushing and getting their way. I would tell her since she has made her feelings about you and your children so obvious she is no longer allowed to see them until she can learn to respect you and behave in a better manner. She doesn't have to like you but she has to learn to respect you as the mother of her grand children. I would also get your DH away from the situation and have a conversation with him about how much he has hurt you. Don't yell and accuse even though he deserves it but all he will hear is you being dramatic so it's not effective. If your heartfelt and say how it hurt you and what you need from him maybe he can then see things from your side and learn to start backing you up!!!

Good luck hun

I agree with some previous posters that you and your DH really need to be on the same page. He needs to present a united front to his mother and stand up for you and his children, he needs to put you first which it seems he is not doing at all. He needs to respect you, which will in turn teach your children to respect you. I think that you both would benefit from some marital counseling. I don't think it matters if you're emotional from the baby or not, the fact is that your feelings are hurt and that needs to be resolved, no matter what the reason for your hurt feelings. The longer this goes unaddressed the worse it's going to get. I wish I could be more help to you. Hang in there, HUGS

For the sake of you and your children it is time to separate you and them from this awful life, you and your children would be better off without all the negative things that surround you. You can do it, your life will be better and so will theirs.

Mum, you weren't being extra emotional. I was teary just reading you pour your heart out only to be met with the cold shoulder. I wish there was more I could say or do to help you. Just know despite me being in the next state, you can pm me anytime. You have strength in you. He needs to support you and be a man, a husband and a dad to his kids. :hugs:

Oh honey!!! I feel for you and girlie is right no one should pick on a pregnant women. I agree with everyone he needs to have your back, would he consider counseling? You are a fantastic mum don't listen to anyone else and please don't visit that MIL again!!! Xxxxx
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What a b*tch!!!! Completely childish and bullying behaviour. I'd stop her getting near the kids if there's already too many grandkids for her, (to be fair i'd have been tempted to swing for her!) and doesnt it take two to make a baby? So sorry you're going through this xx

Thanks ratcliffe. I have tried to not let what she said get to me, but it's hard. Especially knowing that I'm also going to cop it from my family too. I did know this would happen when TTC but I guess it's still just hard. I don't even feel happy about this PG anymore, which is stupid because we tried so hard! I also feel like it's a boy and know the comments will be even worse then. DH and I don't even mention the PG, except mentioning it with all this stuff with mum, it hasn't even been spoken about since getting a BFP. Usually DH would touch my tummy and "talk" to the baby or we'd be talking about names etc, but nothing. It's like it's all a big mistake that's being swept under the rug in the hope it goes away. Maybe it's all got something to do with out m/c in April and now this unexpected "announcement" when we didn't want anyone to know??!? I dunno. 😕

My MIL sent an email to us yesterday, saying DHs aunty had said to her that our kids are lovely and that DH is obviously doing an awesome job raising them!! 😠 I know his aunty wouldn't have said DH and would have said "we" so I was annoyed that MIL had changed the story of what was said, especially as they're "my" kids that he is stuck with when it suits her, but then it's DH who is raising them so well??!!? Considering I practically raise them on my own too, makes me mad! 😠

Anyway, enough whinging!! Sorry.