boy bashing

My mom isn't the critical one, I am of her. She too has an undiagnosed mental illness. She lacks the ability to be accountable of anything and cannot read situations well. She also has selfish tendencies and used to be quick to anger/abusive to me when living with her. She is not that way anymore, but I can't trust her to be alone with my boys. I just can't. I know she loves them to pieces, but knowing the horrendous things she did to me as a child that she conveniently cannot remember ( there goes that accountability thing again!), I just can't risk it. I have forgiven her, because I didn't like the person I was becoming by not doing so. I have also accepted her as she is and realize what she can never be to me, and I have let that go. I do love her, she does have some redeeming qualities, but given that she can't read situations well and remain a step ahead when caring for my boys, I can't leave them alone with her for an appreciable amount of time.

My MIL on the other hand is the epitome of a "mother". She is everything my mother is not and could never be. I can trust her with my life and with my boys lives. She has everyone's best interest at heart and she is also like a best friend to me. I don't think anyone has ever been mad at her, with the exception of her husband maybe but that too would be rare! She is just a genuinely good, kind hearted, reliable, honest, and trustworthy person who is fun to be around. She builds you up and motivates you in a loving way. I simply feel so grateful and blessed to have her in my life!


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XX, you're so lucky with your MIL! I wish I could have such a mother or MIL! And I wish I could become such a MIL, but I'm not sure I could be THAT great :D

My MIL is also very nice, but she as flaws too, and on top of that she left my DH with his dad when he was a child and moved across the country with a new man (who turned out to be an ***hole and now they are divorced). Ironically she is very nice, but has her issues, and doesn't see us that much anyway (since she lives across the country).

So my mother is the one who looks after the kids when we need it, but she can get impatient unfortunately. She is very strict, but at least she knows when to feed them and keeps them entertained, and changes diapers (something my MIL has never helped us with).

No wander we want daughters, we want to do it right for ourselves! :D :D

Yeah this is exactly what I worked out on my GD journey Claire - I wanted a daughter to do over some things from my childhood. Once I worked that out I was ok & the GD has lessened significantly. Well I think anyone who has family close by to look after the kids is lucky. We have no one. My husband & I haven't even had a coffee together in 5 years, let alone a "date night" or whatever it is other people have. Count your blessings.

We also have no one, PrimalMamma. Well, my husband has some extended family here but we are pretty much on our own. My mom comes to visit maybe once a year but she often bails at the last minute. When she comes I'm lucky if she stays 2 days. My inlaws are in another country. We have a sitter we use but not very often.

I always tell my husband that I will be there to help my sons if they have families. I won't overstep my bounds but I will be there to babysit whenever because I know what it's like to have no support system. The only downside is I will be pretty old by then.

My mom had tons of support. My parents divorced when I was very young but between both their families, my mom had tons of breaks from us. She was a very young mother and busy working on school and her social life. She is and has always been very self absorbed and emotionally unavailable. She also can be very critical but what I think was most damaging was being ignored and feeling invisible.