Do you feel "left out"?

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

bump this for me, have something to add

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Well, I can't remember what I was going to add LOL but I agree with what you're saying Hopper. Everyone seems to assume that this is about having a princess or a Barbie or mini-me or a ball-crushing man-hating feminist depending on who you are talking to but it really, really is about none of that. It is just a need that I had, and I didn't know why or where it comes from, to have a daughter. It is partly because I feel like there are things I want to pass down to another woman but it's more than that - I just wanted to SEE her and have her. This is so hard to describe but I just like the way she LOOKS, she's pleasing to my eye (and my sons were equally pleasing to me, especially my first one, I just loved to LOOK at them as babies and little boys, you know??) and when I look at her it is like looking at the ocean for the first time or a sunset or a flower LOL - like something that deep inside of my subconscious mind knew existed even if I had never seen it. It is really hard to describe but that's how it was, almost like something that is outside of my control - we all recognize beauty when we see it (and I don't mean my daughter is beautiful, she isn't, well she is to me of course, but whatever) and to me it's like seeing something beautiful when I look at her. :) hope that makes sense. It's a different kind of beauty then that which is present in my sons, like the moon and the stars. It isn't psychology or being selfish or spoiled, it's like a physical response!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

Well, I can't remember what I was going to add LOL but I agree with what you're saying Hopper. Everyone seems to assume that this is about having a princess or a Barbie or mini-me or a ball-crushing man-hating feminist depending on who you are talking to but it really, really is about none of that. It is just a need that I had, and I didn't know why or where it comes from, to have a daughter. It is partly because I feel like there are things I want to pass down to another woman but it's more than that - I just wanted to SEE her and have her. This is so hard to describe but I just like the way she LOOKS, she's pleasing to my eye (and my sons were equally pleasing to me, especially my first one, I just loved to LOOK at them as babies and little boys, you know??) and when I look at her it is like looking at the ocean for the first time or a sunset or a flower LOL - like something that deep inside of my subconscious mind knew existed even if I had never seen it. It is really hard to describe but that's how it was, almost like something that is outside of my control - we all recognize beauty when we see it (and I don't mean my daughter is beautiful, she isn't, well she is to me of course, but whatever) and to me it's like seeing something beautiful when I look at her. :) hope that makes sense. It's a different kind of beauty then that which is present in my sons, like the moon and the stars. It isn't psychology or being selfish or spoiled, it's like a physical response!

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YES! THIS! This is pretty much it! I've sat there for months, maybe years wondering why it 'mattered' if I had a girl or not. And all I kept coming up with the fact that although I'd dearly love a DD, it wouldn't be the end of the world if I didn't... but I'd really *really* like a DD. But I can live without one... (lather, rinse, repeat...ARGH!). I couldn't say or get my head round why. This sounds like my reason, wraps up my thought process. This is what my brain was trying to say but couldn't get out - thanks AS!

OK, there's also the part that DH hasn't had a new girl in the family bloodline for the past 60+ years, but that's a whole different kettle of fish.

...Still not sure if I'm going to attempt trying for another, though! :hide:

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Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush

Well, I can't remember what I was going to add LOL but I agree with what you're saying Hopper. Everyone seems to assume that this is about having a princess or a Barbie or mini-me or a ball-crushing man-hating feminist depending on who you are talking to but it really, really is about none of that. It is just a need that I had, and I didn't know why or where it comes from, to have a daughter. It is partly because I feel like there are things I want to pass down to another woman but it's more than that - I just wanted to SEE her and have her. This is so hard to describe but I just like the way she LOOKS, she's pleasing to my eye (and my sons were equally pleasing to me, especially my first one, I just loved to LOOK at them as babies and little boys, you know??) and when I look at her it is like looking at the ocean for the first time or a sunset or a flower LOL - like something that deep inside of my subconscious mind knew existed even if I had never seen it. It is really hard to describe but that's how it was, almost like something that is outside of my control - we all recognize beauty when we see it (and I don't mean my daughter is beautiful, she isn't, well she is to me of course, but whatever) and to me it's like seeing something beautiful when I look at her. :) hope that makes sense. It's a different kind of beauty then that which is present in my sons, like the moon and the stars. It isn't psychology or being selfish or spoiled, it's like a physical response!

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:agree::agree::agree: I totally get this! I KNOW she's there, waiting for me. I just need to believe she is. My friends mom is a psychic and she refuses to give me a reading about this stuff but she has told me many times to remain "positively pink" and so thats what I am *trying* to do! I can SEE myself with my daughter. Gosh, I hope this dream becomes a reality!!

This must be what my DH feels. He has always said it is hard for him to describe why he wants a DD. he may not go with me this Friday to my 20 week scan. We already know the gender, but I think he wants to deal with it on his own. I think it might be a punch in the gut feeling for him again. I won't make him come if he doesn't want to. I know he will love this little guy in time, and he already talks about him and things he hopes for.

Sigh. I may try for him again, but it will have to be a secret. He doesn't want to put it out there to the world again. I get it.

Hugs to all of you ladies still trying for your DG. I feel blessed to have had mine three times now. I want you all to have that too, just once [emoji8].


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I can definitely empathise with your DH XX! My BIL has two girls and I swear the look of pure unadulterated longing her gets in his eyes when playing with my boys is just heart breaking. His wife has agreed to try once more but not for another couple of years and their youngest daughter has special needs. I would nearly mention swaying to him if I thought it would help, or be something his wife would be into trying. But he's a big smoker and that's a heavy pink sway factor right there so maybe he will give up to get his boy! Or maybe he will just be one of those lucky ones! I have a huge desire for my someday daughter but for some reason it's nearly harder to see him long for a son, I dunno why. Something about seeing a big tough grown a$$ man melt into a puddle of emotions!

Yep. My 3rd son is 9 weeks tomorrow. He is a delightful little boy. And yet...

My brother & his wife rang the other night to advise they are pregnant with a daughter. After saying all the right things & then getting off the phone I could not stop crying.

I told my husband - all my life I wanted to be a mother. But there's more to it than that: I wanted to be the mother OF A DAUGHTER. I wouldn't change any of my sons now, of course, but I still want a daughter.

The funny thing is, for me, it's not about ballet or cheerleading. I didn't do either, & I love the idea of my girl playing boy sports with her brothers. But I feel like someone is missing. I feel like I am grieving for someone who, in reality, has never existed.

So we are now considering High Tech. We are in Australia so this would mean travel which would be logistically very hard. Not to mention our finances don't stretch that far, so we will need to take out loans. And we are already a family of 5 in a 3 bedroom house.

Plus, I don't know how I will cope with another baby. But that being said, I don't know how to live without my daughter, either. [emoji24][emoji24][emoji24]


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Thats exactly how i feel Primal. I am in Australia too and we just did a big move financially to abigger house and car and as much as I would love HT I just don't think I can stretch the pocket anymore. DH was initially a supportive but hes backtracked which I can understand. Im trying to see a local psychic asap see if they have insight maybe even closure. I just feel so alone and lost right now.

Wish you well with your HT journey

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Originally Posted by PrimalMamma

Yep. My 3rd son is 9 weeks tomorrow. He is a delightful little boy. And yet...

My brother & his wife rang the other night to advise they are pregnant with a daughter. After saying all the right things & then getting off the phone I could not stop crying.

I told my husband - all my life I wanted to be a mother. But there's more to it than that: I wanted to be the mother OF A DAUGHTER. I wouldn't change any of my sons now, of course, but I still want a daughter.

The funny thing is, for me, it's not about ballet or cheerleading. I didn't do either, & I love the idea of my girl playing boy sports with her brothers. But I feel like someone is missing. I feel like I am grieving for someone who, in reality, has never existed.

So we are now considering High Tech. We are in Australia so this would mean travel which would be logistically very hard. Not to mention our finances don't stretch that far, so we will need to take out loans. And we are already a family of 5 in a 3 bedroom house.

Plus, I don't know how I will cope with another baby. But that being said, I don't know how to live without my daughter, either. [emoji24][emoji24][emoji24]


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:agree: it is funny because my two older boys do a lot of "girl" things like music and art and drama and cooking (like I've said before I actually think my husband had a weird kind of GD for a more "manly man" son with DS 3) and then with my girl I am 110% fine with her being and doing anything she wants even if that is BMX biking. Ellen Page was one of the worst for aggravating my GD. So many people would tell me "well there's no guarantee she'll be pink, purple and polka dot princess" and I was like "DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??" Neither am I. A lot of times I don't even remember to comb my hair LOL. I simply don't get why the assumption is that we are doing this for some nefarious stereotypical purpose??

And this is in no way to take away from the relationship I have with my sons, esp. the two older ones, which I feel is very precious and close as any mother and child could be, but not weird LOL. I was up crying in the night last night because since we moved I have hardly gotten to see them and it makes me really sad. They are everything to me!! I felt like I could share 80% of everything in the world with them but it was just that 20% that they weren't interested in. Unfortunately, it's a big 20% meaning that there are some things that I really value that dudes just aren't going to care about, you know??

Yep thats how i feel. Love my boys but theres this bit of me thats girlie and wants to do/teach girlie things. My eldest is quite into music aswell. Wanted his nails painted once or twice aswell 😂😂😂

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