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Hi Lindz, i've been reading your thread and totally understand. I had DS2 6 weeks ago, and from the 18week scan to birth I was searching for the cure to GD to get me through the rest of my pregnancy. I came across this article (you may have read it already) it comforted me a tiny bit. I laughed and cried (mostly cried) reading it out loud to my husband.
My Ultrasound Tech Got it Wrong -- TWICE | Huffington Post
I've seen two therapists within the last few years and I found them helpful for dealing with my depression and anxiety but both kind of brushed off my GD. I'm not worse off but they didn't help with it in a direct way, although treating my other issues helps somewhat.
I think the biggest factor is that they tend not to know much about GD or how to treat it.
Additionally, I think therapists don't like to deal with GD because they see so many screwed up parent-child relationships of all kinds that they don't believe having a girl or whatever will address anything at all.
Also, I think they tend to believe that GD is really about other things, for example the patient's relationship with her own mother, or fear of aging, etc. I just get the impression they see it as a band-aid and sometimes it probably is.
Omg I cannot imagine finding out I was having a boy in Mexico of all places. Definitely made me cry, especially since her second is a boy too. You just have so many dreams for these daughters that don't exist. I hope you're enjoying your new little man! Congrats! Do you think you'll have any more kids or are you done?Quote:
Originally Posted by Kawazza
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Sorry for late reply and thankyou. Congratulations on your pregnancy also :) We thought we were only going to have two children (I imagined girls) but now we are thinking 3. We would want to guarantee a girl so we would try HT. I think about it everyday. We are hoping the laws are changed in Aus soon. How far along are you now?Quote:
Originally Posted by lindz
I'm 22 weeks so still a long way to go! I hope it's legal in Australia soon, that will make things a million times easier for you!Quote:
Originally Posted by Kawazza
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The woman in that article is actually a IRL friend of mine, and she went on the have a third son actually. She's a really hopeful example because I think she is really happy in her life, I know she still feels the pain of not having a daughter, but she's dealt with it. I think she's wrote about it elsewhere on her blog, but it was neat to see you all finding her article helpful!
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I'm glad to hear she's happy and doing well with three boys!Quote:
Originally Posted by Inforthree
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:agree: This is my belief as well. The whole core of psychology is the "blank slate" theory - meaning that we are the way we are because things happened to us and "made" us that way. But I really believe that GD is for at least some of us, innate - just like how some people naturally want to be married and others are ok if it doesn't work out, and how some people really want kids and others don't or are ok if it doesn't happen or are ok with one while some of us really feel a burning desire for a large family - no one would argue that wanting to find a mate and/or have kids is not innate even though we don't all experience it to the same extent and in exactly the same way. GD is the same way - for some of us it's mainly a same sex child, others it's both genders, or even the opposite - but it's just IN THERE to start with.Quote:
Originally Posted by trifecta
Then, because we (or therapists) are so familiar with the idea that "something MADE me this way" we look back at our lives and find whatever it is that went wrong in our lives and then seize on that as the "reason". But it was there to start with - our life events may give it a particular flavor, may make it cut deeper or feel more unfair than it might have otherwise, but it was already there. That's why we see just as many people who are like "I have GD because I had a great relationship with my mother and want to experience that again" as are "I had a bad relationship with my mother" Or "I've accomplished everything I ever tried to in life except this one thing" vs. " I've never gotten anything I want in life, can't I have this one thing?" These people seemingly have totally different triggers but they are in just as much pain and it's because it's not coming from US, it's not something that we did wrong or some symbol of how broken and damaged we are, it's because it's only natural to want to experience raising sons and raising daughters. That's why it is the first question people ask when a baby is born. No one walks up to you and says "does it have brown eyes or blue?" or even if the baby is healthy. They ask if it's a boy or a girl. Even monkeys check the baby's genitals immediately at birth!!
Didn't know that about monkeys, LOL!
Yes, I really do feel that this intense desire to mother a daughter is innate. I could try to point to things that happened in my past, but in the end it just feels like it's very, very deep within the fabric of who I am.Quote:
Originally Posted by atomic sagebrush
Okay... this next thought will probably sound offensive and ridiculous, but when I hear transgender people describe the intense drive to change their birth sex, my GD feelings cause me to relate to that struggle on some level. Is this just bizarre or does anyone understand what I mean?
That said, I have truly no perspective on how it would feel to be transgender. It's shallow for me to make that connection, but there is something about profound frustration with the categories of sex and biology that I so deeply relate to...